for Scared And Coping: Kaylee's Life6/4/2012 c1 
1Nixi Stasia
So he wants a kid. Interesting... He basically is a real prick. Awesome start!
Peaec Out! dandelion Oak
1Nixi StasiaSo he wants a kid. Interesting... He basically is a real prick. Awesome start!
Peaec Out! dandelion Oak
6/4/2012 c5 deletedaccount36912
I am so pleased with how this turned out. :) Thank you for the shout out at the beginning, by the way! That was really nice of you to say all that stuff. So.. Thank you again. :))
I couldn't believe how much of what I suggested actually ended up in here when I was reading it the first time! I'm still extremely giddy about that lol. And that part where you mentioned that Levy "makes life easier to live and the air easier to breathe" was absolutely brilliant. I left that sentence alone when I was editing because of how much I loved it. When I got to the end of the chapter and read that she was going to Levy's house, my jaw dropped. Is she going over for dinner? To meet his family? To hang out with him? Whatever you decide, I'm positive it'll be awesome. I'll be waiting for you to surprise me, yet again! Haha. :D
I love your story and your writing style, and your skills are slowly, slowly improving and making you a better writer than you already are. Congrats on yet another fantastic chapter!
-Caitie Manda :)
I am so pleased with how this turned out. :) Thank you for the shout out at the beginning, by the way! That was really nice of you to say all that stuff. So.. Thank you again. :))
I couldn't believe how much of what I suggested actually ended up in here when I was reading it the first time! I'm still extremely giddy about that lol. And that part where you mentioned that Levy "makes life easier to live and the air easier to breathe" was absolutely brilliant. I left that sentence alone when I was editing because of how much I loved it. When I got to the end of the chapter and read that she was going to Levy's house, my jaw dropped. Is she going over for dinner? To meet his family? To hang out with him? Whatever you decide, I'm positive it'll be awesome. I'll be waiting for you to surprise me, yet again! Haha. :D
I love your story and your writing style, and your skills are slowly, slowly improving and making you a better writer than you already are. Congrats on yet another fantastic chapter!
-Caitie Manda :)
5/25/2012 c4 deletedaccount36912
I am very pleased with this chappie. Levy, you must promise not to tell! ..Or do. It would be in her best interest if he told...hmm, I dunno...the cops, maybe? Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure you won't disappoint me. :) Also, I smiled hugely when I saw the little comment about Levy's description coming later. That was for me, huh? Lol. And thank you for the shout-out. You're pretty awesome yourself! :D
Now comes the part where my editorial self comes out. I saw a few errors in there this time, unfortunately. Here they are:
The first sentence, you wrote, "My eyes widened; he must have seen much more than that thought." I understood what you were implying, but I was slightly confused. Perhaps try "I" or "I'd" instead of "that" - it will probably make more sense to the reader. :)
A little bit later on, you wrote, 'He rubbed my back and drew circles in them, saying "Shh, shh."' If Levy was rubbing her back, he'd be drawing circles in "it", not "them". And a quick word of advice is that of you put "he said" or "she whispered" or anything like that before the actual dialogue, always put a comma. So in this instance, you should put a comma after "saying".
In this part, "I shook my head, which was against his chest.", the comma followed by "which was" isn't necessary. Your reader will still get the same idea, and I think the sentence might flow a little smoother. The same thing goes for the following part: '"It's going to be okay, Kaylee. It's going to be okay," he said, his voice was soothing.' The "was" after "his voice" isn't really needed there.
Hmm.. Here you wrote, '"How can you be near me?" I asked, my voice sounded like broken glass ringing in your ears.' Who is the "you" that she is referring to? I suggest possibly replacing "your" with "my", since it's from Kaylee's point of view.
Ah, and here. One last thing. When you wrote, 'A part of me was telling me to not be so despiteful towards Levy, but it wasn't enough so that it could hold me back from running my mouth.', I think you meant "spiteful", not "despiteful".
I'm so sorry for being so picky. I really don't mean to nag, despite the fact that it comes across that way... :/ I have a passion for writing and editing stories, and sometimes I go a little overboard. But I wanted to be truthful about my opinions, so I just wrote them all out. You're still amazing, and as you can see the things I was talking about were all minor errors. The only other comment I had was that I noticed that you made each sentence a paragraph. That sort of layout is good in a poem, but when writing a story I'd vote against it, personally.
That is all! Anyways, I deeply apologize for taking FOREVER to review, but I've been extremely busy these past couple of days packing (I'm getting ready to move) so I haven't had much time to sit down and do it until now. I will be waiting on the edge of my seat anxiously biting my fingernails until they are little nubs until your next update, so please add the next chapter soon! ;)
Until then...
Happy Writing!
-Caitie Manda :)
I am very pleased with this chappie. Levy, you must promise not to tell! ..Or do. It would be in her best interest if he told...hmm, I dunno...the cops, maybe? Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure you won't disappoint me. :) Also, I smiled hugely when I saw the little comment about Levy's description coming later. That was for me, huh? Lol. And thank you for the shout-out. You're pretty awesome yourself! :D
Now comes the part where my editorial self comes out. I saw a few errors in there this time, unfortunately. Here they are:
The first sentence, you wrote, "My eyes widened; he must have seen much more than that thought." I understood what you were implying, but I was slightly confused. Perhaps try "I" or "I'd" instead of "that" - it will probably make more sense to the reader. :)
A little bit later on, you wrote, 'He rubbed my back and drew circles in them, saying "Shh, shh."' If Levy was rubbing her back, he'd be drawing circles in "it", not "them". And a quick word of advice is that of you put "he said" or "she whispered" or anything like that before the actual dialogue, always put a comma. So in this instance, you should put a comma after "saying".
In this part, "I shook my head, which was against his chest.", the comma followed by "which was" isn't necessary. Your reader will still get the same idea, and I think the sentence might flow a little smoother. The same thing goes for the following part: '"It's going to be okay, Kaylee. It's going to be okay," he said, his voice was soothing.' The "was" after "his voice" isn't really needed there.
Hmm.. Here you wrote, '"How can you be near me?" I asked, my voice sounded like broken glass ringing in your ears.' Who is the "you" that she is referring to? I suggest possibly replacing "your" with "my", since it's from Kaylee's point of view.
Ah, and here. One last thing. When you wrote, 'A part of me was telling me to not be so despiteful towards Levy, but it wasn't enough so that it could hold me back from running my mouth.', I think you meant "spiteful", not "despiteful".
I'm so sorry for being so picky. I really don't mean to nag, despite the fact that it comes across that way... :/ I have a passion for writing and editing stories, and sometimes I go a little overboard. But I wanted to be truthful about my opinions, so I just wrote them all out. You're still amazing, and as you can see the things I was talking about were all minor errors. The only other comment I had was that I noticed that you made each sentence a paragraph. That sort of layout is good in a poem, but when writing a story I'd vote against it, personally.
That is all! Anyways, I deeply apologize for taking FOREVER to review, but I've been extremely busy these past couple of days packing (I'm getting ready to move) so I haven't had much time to sit down and do it until now. I will be waiting on the edge of my seat anxiously biting my fingernails until they are little nubs until your next update, so please add the next chapter soon! ;)
Until then...
Happy Writing!
-Caitie Manda :)
5/24/2012 c4 8Annie Dot
I felt sick in my stomach. You phrased all of your words perfectly. Post more soon!
8Annie DotI felt sick in my stomach. You phrased all of your words perfectly. Post more soon!
5/24/2012 c4 2Felicia Huey
omigod, please continue this. this is amazing and i feel so bad for Kaylee. your descriptions are perfect to how someone would feel after this happened and everything.
Love this.
2Felicia Hueyomigod, please continue this. this is amazing and i feel so bad for Kaylee. your descriptions are perfect to how someone would feel after this happened and everything.
Love this.
5/22/2012 c3 deletedaccount36912
The way you described Kaylee was wonderful. It provided enough mental imagery to give the reader the impression that she's very pretty, but you added in that perfect touch of brokenness to her appearance to show how upset and distraught she's feeling. A quick word of advice is that instead of inserting a link in the middle of a chapter, you should describe what the article(s) of clothing look(s) like during that part, and at the end of the chapter put the link in your author's note.
I absolutely adore Levy thus far. :) He sounds like the greatest guy friend ever. I love that he shows how much he genuinely cares about our traumatized heroine; he's amazing. But again, I felt that a description of him would've been nice. You definitely have great potential with this story, and I can't wait to see where you take it from here! Your writing has already improved since you've last updated, and I am so excited to watch as you continue to grow the further into this I read. You did wonderfully! :D
Update as soon as you can, and I apologize for being slightly demanding. But I know you can do it and that You are capable of taking some constructive criticism in stride. You are just that awesome. :))
-Caitie Manda
The way you described Kaylee was wonderful. It provided enough mental imagery to give the reader the impression that she's very pretty, but you added in that perfect touch of brokenness to her appearance to show how upset and distraught she's feeling. A quick word of advice is that instead of inserting a link in the middle of a chapter, you should describe what the article(s) of clothing look(s) like during that part, and at the end of the chapter put the link in your author's note.
I absolutely adore Levy thus far. :) He sounds like the greatest guy friend ever. I love that he shows how much he genuinely cares about our traumatized heroine; he's amazing. But again, I felt that a description of him would've been nice. You definitely have great potential with this story, and I can't wait to see where you take it from here! Your writing has already improved since you've last updated, and I am so excited to watch as you continue to grow the further into this I read. You did wonderfully! :D
Update as soon as you can, and I apologize for being slightly demanding. But I know you can do it and that You are capable of taking some constructive criticism in stride. You are just that awesome. :))
-Caitie Manda
5/22/2012 c3 Mainelove
Your story is honestly so good, from the bottom of my heart. I love it, please update soon. And please take a look at my stories, it would mean so much if you review swell :)
Your story is honestly so good, from the bottom of my heart. I love it, please update soon. And please take a look at my stories, it would mean so much if you review swell :)
5/22/2012 c3 4Amy Lawsford
Hi, I think this story is good, except I'd like a bit more details and length. Please keep writing though it's great. I also LOVE the fact that you had the polyvore thing, that's a genius idea. :3
Also, um, would you check out my story?
4Amy LawsfordHi, I think this story is good, except I'd like a bit more details and length. Please keep writing though it's great. I also LOVE the fact that you had the polyvore thing, that's a genius idea. :3
Also, um, would you check out my story?
5/18/2012 c2 deletedaccount36912
Oh, poor Kaylee! D': I feel so bad or her! She sounds a lot like me, strangely enough. Except that I've never been raped, pregnant, and my favorite color's purple. I like the fact that she's relatable, despite the fact that she's going through a rough patch at the moment (who wouldn't be in her shoes?). I like her character overall.
Oooo, who's this Levy character? I want to know more about him! And possibly a description of what Kaylee looks like? That would be awesome. :)
Anyways, please continue this! I shall read it. :))
Oh, poor Kaylee! D': I feel so bad or her! She sounds a lot like me, strangely enough. Except that I've never been raped, pregnant, and my favorite color's purple. I like the fact that she's relatable, despite the fact that she's going through a rough patch at the moment (who wouldn't be in her shoes?). I like her character overall.
Oooo, who's this Levy character? I want to know more about him! And possibly a description of what Kaylee looks like? That would be awesome. :)
Anyways, please continue this! I shall read it. :))
5/18/2012 c1 deletedaccount36912
Hmm... Well this is interesting! I was more than a little disgusted and horrified by the topic of this story, and that teacher gave me goosebumps (the bad kind, of course. What a CREEPER. ！(_;) ). I feel terrible for your main character right now. That is really sad.
...I'm going to start on the next chapter now. I'm anticipating what's going to happen next. Will she completely ignore his warnings and take the issue to the police? He could be locked away for a long time for rape of an underage person - a child, no less! That's just sick. :(
Hmm... Well this is interesting! I was more than a little disgusted and horrified by the topic of this story, and that teacher gave me goosebumps (the bad kind, of course. What a CREEPER. ！(_;) ). I feel terrible for your main character right now. That is really sad.
...I'm going to start on the next chapter now. I'm anticipating what's going to happen next. Will she completely ignore his warnings and take the issue to the police? He could be locked away for a long time for rape of an underage person - a child, no less! That's just sick. :(