Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Remembrance

8/7/2012 c3 3Broken but Beautiful
Aw! Poor little kid! I still love the emotion in this. Spectacular job!
B
8/7/2012 c2 Broken but Beautiful
This chapter was wonderfully amazing, too! I loved how you got really descriptive about how Parker feels about the loss of his sister. Great work!
B
8/7/2012 c1 Broken but Beautiful
This is really interesting so far, and I'm only on chapter 1! I really like the way you describe Carlos and his feelings. The only thing that bothered me is how you changed the point of view (even though Carlos's part was in third person and Parker's was in first, Parker couldn't have known what Carlos was thinking or feeling, making the first part from Carlos's point of view just in third person[there's a term for that I just cant remember what it's called currently]) without any way of separating it with like a line break or a line of something like 'oOo' for instance, but it's not really wrong without that.
B
5/28/2012 c2 2T. Afton A. and T. Scotty Z
I enjoyed this second chapter of Remembrance. I feel you really have a grasp of human behavior and thinking. The way your main character acts, thinks, and feels is very real. You are doing good. Keep on writing. The more practice you get the better off you will be.

Sincerly,

T.Scotty.Z
5/23/2012 c2 4Water Balloon
Good job. I want to read more!
5/23/2012 c1 4Vampira Fangstein
I thought this was a very well written story. The description of emotion you use is fantastic, and the ending was somewhat shocking. I hope you keep writing.
5/17/2012 c1 2T. Afton A. and T. Scotty Z
We liked this. It was longer and the end gave us a slight chill: its because it was unexpected. We will say, it was a little hard to switch right from third person to first person. May we suggest putting a divider inbetween the switch: ***. Something like that inbetween it. Very nice. Try to write more, like a full length story. You're coming along. Good luck. We'll be posting more of the story this week and next week.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service