Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Abandoned

7/20/2015 c1 40Lady Seratopia
Yay, AABB rhyme scheme! I haven't seen that one in years! Oh dear, I really do like this poem... keep at it!
7/16/2012 c1 34Jupsi
Ohhh Very dark.. Very intriguing :D There's a few places where the rhyme scheme seems slightly off, but aside from that it was amazing! :P
As a side-note, the comma in "To me this was, a bit of an attraction" seems kinda unnecessary, but it might be deliberate.. just thought i'd point it out :)

The first half definitely made it for me.. Amazing...

Keep it up! :)
6/21/2012 c1 19bookppl93
What a mean man.
6/18/2012 c1 6CrazyLittleGermanMiss
I like this although there are a few typos. go back and fix those and this poem will be 100% amazing.
6/7/2012 c1 7Burning Red
This is actually very interesting. It would make a good story. Of course I believe every great idea could make a good story lol. But you could really feel the emotions. Hurt. Broken. Upset. Used. Infuriated. Great poem XD
6/1/2012 c1 9Erin Innocent
this is great, and its something i thikn a lot of people (including me) can relate too. good job :)
5/31/2012 c1 1Isi95
Oh I loved this one! I love how it was like a story. Wonderful! :)
5/28/2012 c1 378my.life.is.over
This is written quite well. I found a few errors, and could point them out to you if you like, but other than that, it was good. I like how full of emotion it was. Keep up the good work. :)
5/20/2012 c1 4Lanayaa
"I pulled the trigger and shot her dead.

Her blood mixed with her tears, everything shed."

I love that line, and I love this poem; the rhyme really emphasise the emotion.
5/19/2012 c1 2Veriloquent-Castalian
Good job on the rhyming! It looks appealing to the eyes and sounds pleasant to the ears.

The slam poem feel to this is nice. You've used a lot of emotive words and expressions, and I can imagine a person acting this out.

The narrative is written nicely, and the events of what happen flow well.

As for improvement, there are minor typos (not the sort that really detract from the story). Other than that, I can't say much. Keep up the good work.
5/19/2012 c1 10DappledKarma
I loved it. The imagery you used painted a perfect picture in my head, and it flowed so greatly like a leaf in a pond of calm water. I can't wait for more!
5/19/2012 c1 6Krazy Kaisy
I love how descriptive you were about how you felt and what you did. This poem is longer than any poem I've ever written. But that is because I'm not good at writing long pieces,like stories. I love how the poem told a story. Meanwhile, my poems only tell you a little bit of a story. I hope that one day I will be able to write a strong poem like this.
5/19/2012 c1 80Sami Dial
wow. that was a good one!

keep it up!

always wanting more

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service