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for Beautiful People

9/14/2012 c1 97rust phoenix
i really like the message of this piece, and you express the idea really well. some of the lines seem to have a bit too many syllables (for example, "It can bubble up within you,/And make you feel un-free." could sound more natural as something like "It can bubble up within you / 'til you feel you'll never be free). i would suggest reading the piece aloud to get a feel for the flow, because it works well for the most part, but occasionally the rhythm is a bit hard to follow.

thank you so much for the review and your kind words, and i look forward to reading more of your writing!
8/7/2012 c1 3Broken but Beautiful
:') That was beautiful. It's very true. Wonderful work!
6/13/2012 c1 12ahorizonforthenewbirds
Lovely message :) I liked the poem and the rhyming was good, but I think it would've been better had it been divided into stanzas, I think that would bring out the rhymes even more. It confused me because I didn't fully understand whether you're talking about outer beauty or inner beauty; it seems to switch perspectives. Again, if this was your intent, I think it would be better done in stanzas. I absolute love this verse: "But we're all beautiful people, / Though many people don't think it's true. / Sometimes they don't even want to be, / They think they see things in a special view." The next two lines were confusing, though, you said "But beauty is perfect" and then added "No one ever said it was." Should that be 'wasn't', or am I missing something here? Apart from that, I loved it. Great poem :)
6/2/2012 c1 15In Case You Haven't Noticed
Wow. That poem was amazing, and it wasn't even much of a rhyming poem, more of a freeverse. But I LOVED it. It just had such a good point to it, thanks for writing it! It gave me such a lovely feeling when I was reading.
5/23/2012 c1 4Vampira Fangstein
Very nice! I enjoy the way you described human behavior. Things like this always interest me!

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