for Beautiful People9/14/2012 c1 
97rust phoenix
i really like the message of this piece, and you express the idea really well. some of the lines seem to have a bit too many syllables (for example, "It can bubble up within you,/And make you feel un-free." could sound more natural as something like "It can bubble up within you / 'til you feel you'll never be free). i would suggest reading the piece aloud to get a feel for the flow, because it works well for the most part, but occasionally the rhythm is a bit hard to follow.
thank you so much for the review and your kind words, and i look forward to reading more of your writing!
97rust phoenixi really like the message of this piece, and you express the idea really well. some of the lines seem to have a bit too many syllables (for example, "It can bubble up within you,/And make you feel un-free." could sound more natural as something like "It can bubble up within you / 'til you feel you'll never be free). i would suggest reading the piece aloud to get a feel for the flow, because it works well for the most part, but occasionally the rhythm is a bit hard to follow.
thank you so much for the review and your kind words, and i look forward to reading more of your writing!
6/13/2012 c1 12ahorizonforthenewbirds
Lovely message :) I liked the poem and the rhyming was good, but I think it would've been better had it been divided into stanzas, I think that would bring out the rhymes even more. It confused me because I didn't fully understand whether you're talking about outer beauty or inner beauty; it seems to switch perspectives. Again, if this was your intent, I think it would be better done in stanzas. I absolute love this verse: "But we're all beautiful people, / Though many people don't think it's true. / Sometimes they don't even want to be, / They think they see things in a special view." The next two lines were confusing, though, you said "But beauty is perfect" and then added "No one ever said it was." Should that be 'wasn't', or am I missing something here? Apart from that, I loved it. Great poem :)
12ahorizonforthenewbirdsLovely message :) I liked the poem and the rhyming was good, but I think it would've been better had it been divided into stanzas, I think that would bring out the rhymes even more. It confused me because I didn't fully understand whether you're talking about outer beauty or inner beauty; it seems to switch perspectives. Again, if this was your intent, I think it would be better done in stanzas. I absolute love this verse: "But we're all beautiful people, / Though many people don't think it's true. / Sometimes they don't even want to be, / They think they see things in a special view." The next two lines were confusing, though, you said "But beauty is perfect" and then added "No one ever said it was." Should that be 'wasn't', or am I missing something here? Apart from that, I loved it. Great poem :)
6/2/2012 c1 15In Case You Haven't Noticed
Wow. That poem was amazing, and it wasn't even much of a rhyming poem, more of a freeverse. But I LOVED it. It just had such a good point to it, thanks for writing it! It gave me such a lovely feeling when I was reading.
15In Case You Haven't NoticedWow. That poem was amazing, and it wasn't even much of a rhyming poem, more of a freeverse. But I LOVED it. It just had such a good point to it, thanks for writing it! It gave me such a lovely feeling when I was reading.
5/23/2012 c1 4Vampira Fangstein
Very nice! I enjoy the way you described human behavior. Things like this always interest me!
4Vampira FangsteinVery nice! I enjoy the way you described human behavior. Things like this always interest me!