for Slipped Away6/15/2012 c1 
29Velvet Vixen
This felt a bit more rushed than your other pieces but it was still good. My favourite lines were the last two - 'It's not coming back and sometimes I cry/ For memories and wishes of time gone by'. I think those lines convey a lot of meaning and truth to them and I'm a fan of rhyming poetry and those lines rhyme beautifully and give a nice rhythm. :)
29Velvet VixenThis felt a bit more rushed than your other pieces but it was still good. My favourite lines were the last two - 'It's not coming back and sometimes I cry/ For memories and wishes of time gone by'. I think those lines convey a lot of meaning and truth to them and I'm a fan of rhyming poetry and those lines rhyme beautifully and give a nice rhythm. :)
5/28/2012 c1 76The Autumn Queen
That first line is just so cute. :) It took me a while to read the second from there.
"for evermore" - should that be one word?
I love the rhythm you have going for this. Your commas seem to have a meaning outside the convention...and if it hadn't been for that, I'd be wondering where your fullstops went. But it's fine, because it works the way it is. And a good lesson to keep in mind as well.
"So I'd stop and stare, waste it and just stall," - I think this line disrupts the rhythm a little. Perhaps shorten it, cut out the unnecessary words?
Somehow though, it doesn't feel complete. Particularly since you didn't end with a fullstop. That's one place that might just need one.
OFF TOPIC - thank you so much for your reviews. I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to reply yesterday.
76The Autumn QueenThat first line is just so cute. :) It took me a while to read the second from there.
"for evermore" - should that be one word?
I love the rhythm you have going for this. Your commas seem to have a meaning outside the convention...and if it hadn't been for that, I'd be wondering where your fullstops went. But it's fine, because it works the way it is. And a good lesson to keep in mind as well.
"So I'd stop and stare, waste it and just stall," - I think this line disrupts the rhythm a little. Perhaps shorten it, cut out the unnecessary words?
Somehow though, it doesn't feel complete. Particularly since you didn't end with a fullstop. That's one place that might just need one.
OFF TOPIC - thank you so much for your reviews. I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to reply yesterday.