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7/10/2012 c1 76The Autumn Queen
I really like the flippant rhyming in this. It leaves a certain ring in my ears, and in this context, I think it's really appropriate...and clever. In a sense it's like the strokes of swimming or the giant pounding along or lovers...

Fee fi fo fum was a good touch in that as well. It also does a good job bringing the fantastical aspect into a harsh reality. Especially when surrounded by the image of innocent children and blackened cruelty; it was well placed.

The only problem I have is the word Serpentine. On its own, it's a good touch, however its rhyme throws off the rhythm of the first stanza a little. But otherwise, well done.
5/28/2012 c1 15Natari Mirumura
Very nice. I love it. Keep it up :D

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