for Untitled7/10/2012 c1 
76The Autumn Queen
I really like the flippant rhyming in this. It leaves a certain ring in my ears, and in this context, I think it's really appropriate...and clever. In a sense it's like the strokes of swimming or the giant pounding along or lovers...
Fee fi fo fum was a good touch in that as well. It also does a good job bringing the fantastical aspect into a harsh reality. Especially when surrounded by the image of innocent children and blackened cruelty; it was well placed.
The only problem I have is the word Serpentine. On its own, it's a good touch, however its rhyme throws off the rhythm of the first stanza a little. But otherwise, well done.
76The Autumn QueenI really like the flippant rhyming in this. It leaves a certain ring in my ears, and in this context, I think it's really appropriate...and clever. In a sense it's like the strokes of swimming or the giant pounding along or lovers...
Fee fi fo fum was a good touch in that as well. It also does a good job bringing the fantastical aspect into a harsh reality. Especially when surrounded by the image of innocent children and blackened cruelty; it was well placed.
The only problem I have is the word Serpentine. On its own, it's a good touch, however its rhyme throws off the rhythm of the first stanza a little. But otherwise, well done.