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for Dear Kay,

5/15/2014 c1 Testimony to Christians
Thank you so much for the review, it is most appreciated!

First I want to say this is really realistic and touches on many real issues so I commend you for that. There are a couple typo's, I think "that letter" should be "this", and there was also "acceptet" instead of "accepted". Otherwise, I really like the character you have here. It seems so innocuous, just a letter to a friend, but it is actually a person being brave for more than one reason. The fact that in an act of apology and trust he reaches out to a person he wronged despite the possible consequences, and that he has become comfortable enough to have made the decision to come out and that he can now express this. I think it's effective in that I really want to see Kaylan's response (in which I hope he would be upset by only one thing - that his friend felt he couldn't reach out sooner or speak to him in person about it) - but I understand that fear.

The mention of him saying "please don't think I wanted to rape you or something" I don't know how to feel about. It makes me wonder if Kaylan is less accepting or if the writer of the letter is on some level still uncertain (it just makes me assume that him feeling the need to write that is him justifying his sexuality still to some extent - and coming to terms with how it doesn't automatically make him a terrible person).

Despite the relative shortness of the piece it is effective and beyond all else, I really like how the focus isn't necessarily on the romantic, but friendship - and how coming-of-age can take its toll on even the closest of bonds.
2/16/2013 c1 2Aletiah
This is really good. I love it, and I wish to know what happens next. What Kay thinks when he gets the letter.
Sweet and sad at the same time :)
1/6/2013 c1 6Lulu the Llama
There is something very realistic about this piece, and that is what makes it hit the hardest.

It's just... something someone would really write. And it's really sad.

And the ending - that little plea.

Amazing :)
12/31/2012 c1 2Skyless11
This is very sweet, yet sad :( It feels very real, yet I can't shake off the feeling that something is wrong . Though it might only be my everlasting desire to know more, my permanent discontent with endings *I hate endings... happy, sad... I hate them xD maybe I just haven't read the perfect ending* So yeah, I want to know more about this story... Good job in captivating the reader.
I see the other reviewers told you about the grammar xD I can't leave without mentioning an essential tip for English language: English is a highly logical, mathematical almost kind of language. If one thing is of utmost importance in the use of this language, that would be the cause - effect link of ideas, both in grammar and vocabulary. You overused a bit the word because (par example): since, for, as, thanks, due to - are just some other ways of saying it :D repetition can be ugly if not used with a purpose :D
Still, grammar and vocabulary are not hard to improve : I'm sure you can do it, and you'll see that it will upgrade your works to a whole new level.
Yep. I loved it and I look forward to more pieces from you!
10/18/2012 c1 4ImmanenceEnsured
So cute! I love your rain of thoughts, they show his person's feelings in a realistic way. It was heart-warming and I liked that it ended in a plea. The open, unresolved feeling really works here. There's some grammatical mistakes but overall, good job!
9/23/2012 c1 2ohsocyanide
I do really like this, and I wanted to let you know that I can't tell English isn't your first language. I've seen native English-speakers post on here and it's just completely terrible, but this is actually very well-written. You should be proud of this.

I noticed a very few spelling errors, and there's one thing I'd like to nitpick—when you uses the dashes (like I just did), if you don't know how to use the em dash, I would recommend using a space, a dash, then another space. Like this:

[I didn't know - she never told me, so how could I have?]

That's honestly just me being picky; it's not a huge deal. But, yeah. The emotions conveyed throughout this felt very real and I liked that. I also really like the name Kaylan, for that matter. :)
6/23/2012 c1 20Zhenny
Hello heyitsstupidme.

I see that you are from Germany and that English is not your first language which surprises me. You write English quite well, and you seem to have a good grasp of the sentence structure and slang we use. I wouldn't have guessed from reading your story that English is your second language. Now, like every author, you have a few areas in your writing you can work on.

Your big weakness in writing from what I have seen in your story is grammar and spelling errors, and even those are not terribly noticeable. You can easily fix these mistakes by proofreading your stories (try and wait to proofread until 24 hours after you write it).

One of the biggest grammatical mistakes I noticed was when you wrote words like "good- looking", you consistently put a space after the -. You do not want to put any spaces before or after the dash when you are connecting words like that. You want it to look like "good-looking", so the words are connected. However, in sentences such as "And he is- or more was- my best friend", you want to put a space before AND after the dash. But seeing as how English is your second language, I'm sure that's something you will have no problem picking up as you continue to practice writing in English. :)

I certainly enjoyed your nice letter. Halfway through, I was beginning to wonder if you were the man writing the letter, but then I remember you are female. Is this a true story, by chance? It seemed like the sort of letter a man would write to another man when he is struggling to tell people that he is homosexual.

Actually, my best friend throughout high school went through the same struggle. He confessed to me in middle school that he is homosexual, and then he became open about it in high school. He was teased relentlessly, but he survived. I can see that same spirit in your story from the man writing the letter that I saw in my best friend in school. It looks to me like you have the art of creating a realistic character and writing from his/her perspective down. Not only that, but you also have a good grasp on English slang, which is something that many other people who learn English as a second language struggle with.

So to sum it up, just proofread and work on your grammar and spelling so your writing looks squeaky clean! Keep writing and improving and remember that there is always room for improvement as a writer - no one is perfect. :)


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