for Transition7/15/2012 c1 
76The Autumn Queen
I love the rhythm. There's something beautiful about the imagery you've sown with the repeated...I don't know how to describe it this time round. It gives it a soft, natural effect, which really suits the theme and the image you're talking about.
[Sleeping with the liger,] - you didn't mean "tiger" by any chance, did you? I know the ligar is a cross between a lion and a tigress but I can't help but wonder why you'd choose that animal over one that's more well known. I didn't remember until I recalled those biology lectures on cross-breeding.
One thing I don't particularly like about your structure in this poem is the comma in the third line. The pause seems longer there in comparison to your first and second lines, and yet it's the same comma. I couldn't help but think, particularly with your first and third stanzas, that it would work better with ellipses instead.
Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
76The Autumn QueenI love the rhythm. There's something beautiful about the imagery you've sown with the repeated...I don't know how to describe it this time round. It gives it a soft, natural effect, which really suits the theme and the image you're talking about.
[Sleeping with the liger,] - you didn't mean "tiger" by any chance, did you? I know the ligar is a cross between a lion and a tigress but I can't help but wonder why you'd choose that animal over one that's more well known. I didn't remember until I recalled those biology lectures on cross-breeding.
One thing I don't particularly like about your structure in this poem is the comma in the third line. The pause seems longer there in comparison to your first and second lines, and yet it's the same comma. I couldn't help but think, particularly with your first and third stanzas, that it would work better with ellipses instead.
Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
6/23/2012 c1 4Road to Rhodes
I don't understand what ligers have to do with the fall.
The transitions being in the middle of the stanzas while the seasons themselves being on the ends in an interesting concept. Other than the use of the term 'autumn-kissed' and the word liger... it is a nifty poem.
4Road to RhodesI don't understand what ligers have to do with the fall.
The transitions being in the middle of the stanzas while the seasons themselves being on the ends in an interesting concept. Other than the use of the term 'autumn-kissed' and the word liger... it is a nifty poem.
6/23/2012 c1 Shadows of a Dream
Beautiful. :) It flows well and has great imagery/personification. My only quip is "feel so autumn-kissed." It felt a little awkward, kind of out of place. Other than that, nice job!
Beautiful. :) It flows well and has great imagery/personification. My only quip is "feel so autumn-kissed." It felt a little awkward, kind of out of place. Other than that, nice job!