for Dreams of Purple6/21/2014 c27 
2RascalKat
Honestly I don't know why I'm only reading this story on this website. It should be a movie by now, if there's any justice in this world. This is one of those stories that's so good, I honestly can't put into words what I liked about it. Granted, it was a rough draft with a few typos, but it was a heck of a lot better than most of the stuff I've read regardless. I'll be sharing this with people. As many people as I can find!
Also... Mike! Noooo! My favorite character and he's probably dead! Noooooo!
Maybe once I get some skill at drawing humans I'll do a few sketches of these characters, if it's okay! I really enjoyed them, and it's a bittersweet moment for me that I've already finished reading and won't be able to enjoy them anymore.
Excellent job, and as Mike said, "Godspeed!"
2RascalKatHonestly I don't know why I'm only reading this story on this website. It should be a movie by now, if there's any justice in this world. This is one of those stories that's so good, I honestly can't put into words what I liked about it. Granted, it was a rough draft with a few typos, but it was a heck of a lot better than most of the stuff I've read regardless. I'll be sharing this with people. As many people as I can find!
Also... Mike! Noooo! My favorite character and he's probably dead! Noooooo!
Maybe once I get some skill at drawing humans I'll do a few sketches of these characters, if it's okay! I really enjoyed them, and it's a bittersweet moment for me that I've already finished reading and won't be able to enjoy them anymore.
Excellent job, and as Mike said, "Godspeed!"
9/17/2013 c27 SpookyZalost
man that was a great story, as a big fan of cyberpunk and detective fiction I found it quite enjoyable, from beginning to end, I honestly couldn't put it down!
there was a couple things, mostly I think you should check it over for misspellings or missing words, but outside of that it was well written and might even be book material.
let me know if you ever write another Detective type story, you can find me on u/2280078/
man that was a great story, as a big fan of cyberpunk and detective fiction I found it quite enjoyable, from beginning to end, I honestly couldn't put it down!
there was a couple things, mostly I think you should check it over for misspellings or missing words, but outside of that it was well written and might even be book material.
let me know if you ever write another Detective type story, you can find me on u/2280078/
6/2/2013 c27 squdust
It was an amusing read and well written. A few comments:
* I enjoyed the sudden role-reversal of "good" and "evil" actors in the middle, though I think you could have used a few more subtle foreshadowing hints to lead the reader.
* Paige and the AIs generally are interesting, and I think could have been used more. Having two personalities in one head has always been a fascinating concept to me, so I like to see it explored to its fullest.
* Although I realize that excessive technical detail is detrimental to the flow of a story, I think there could have been a little more precision in describing the futurist tech available. In particular, it seems a little confusing to the reader that "modern" firewalls are both nearly impenetrable and yet the Thinker and the Senator both manage to bypass them with some effort. It's also not really clear what a firewall actually is in this context, since it is often being used where a physical connection is made (whereas the term normally only has meaning in network control). Typically if you can wire a physical connection to the device, the function of a firewall is defeated trivially (almost by definition, even).
* In case the last point isn't very clear, I'm alluding to a couple of events in the story. One, how did the Thinker get into Erik's dream? It was implied that he avoids connection to the "public domain", presumably a wide area network. If his modem connects only to a local network, though, how can anyone else access it remotely? Two, how do the Thinker and the Senator forcefully bypass the (internal) firewall of Erik? We're left to guess at the details.
* I liked your use of the phrase 'public domain' to describe what is essentially some successor to the internet. That makes me smile, partly because the phrase already has a completely different meaning. Words change with time, right?
* There seem to be a variety of allusions to global warming and/or significantly increased sunlight throughout the story. You never describe this directly, which is quite sensible for a while. An example of showing, rather than telling, the reader what's going on. I think eventually, though, filling in some modest details of how the climate has changed (and perhaps why) is worthwhile. It doesn't really affect enjoyment of the story much; this is more of a "completing the setting" minor issue.
* Somehow, I was expecting more of a revelation from the the Thinker's final message. Seems like he should have filled in a few more gaps of the government's grand scheme, or something. It just feels a little sparse for the very last thing someone would leave behind.
All in all, good story. I would say the characterization and plot pacing stand out as the best attributes. Setting, theme, and foreshadowing could use some more expansion.
It was an amusing read and well written. A few comments:
* I enjoyed the sudden role-reversal of "good" and "evil" actors in the middle, though I think you could have used a few more subtle foreshadowing hints to lead the reader.
* Paige and the AIs generally are interesting, and I think could have been used more. Having two personalities in one head has always been a fascinating concept to me, so I like to see it explored to its fullest.
* Although I realize that excessive technical detail is detrimental to the flow of a story, I think there could have been a little more precision in describing the futurist tech available. In particular, it seems a little confusing to the reader that "modern" firewalls are both nearly impenetrable and yet the Thinker and the Senator both manage to bypass them with some effort. It's also not really clear what a firewall actually is in this context, since it is often being used where a physical connection is made (whereas the term normally only has meaning in network control). Typically if you can wire a physical connection to the device, the function of a firewall is defeated trivially (almost by definition, even).
* In case the last point isn't very clear, I'm alluding to a couple of events in the story. One, how did the Thinker get into Erik's dream? It was implied that he avoids connection to the "public domain", presumably a wide area network. If his modem connects only to a local network, though, how can anyone else access it remotely? Two, how do the Thinker and the Senator forcefully bypass the (internal) firewall of Erik? We're left to guess at the details.
* I liked your use of the phrase 'public domain' to describe what is essentially some successor to the internet. That makes me smile, partly because the phrase already has a completely different meaning. Words change with time, right?
* There seem to be a variety of allusions to global warming and/or significantly increased sunlight throughout the story. You never describe this directly, which is quite sensible for a while. An example of showing, rather than telling, the reader what's going on. I think eventually, though, filling in some modest details of how the climate has changed (and perhaps why) is worthwhile. It doesn't really affect enjoyment of the story much; this is more of a "completing the setting" minor issue.
* Somehow, I was expecting more of a revelation from the the Thinker's final message. Seems like he should have filled in a few more gaps of the government's grand scheme, or something. It just feels a little sparse for the very last thing someone would leave behind.
All in all, good story. I would say the characterization and plot pacing stand out as the best attributes. Setting, theme, and foreshadowing could use some more expansion.
12/10/2012 c27 Guest
Very good. I have read many fanfics and ficpresses over the years, and this story was definitely in the top tier. Good plot. Good characters.
I would love to read a prequel or sequel. You are talented and obviously have a gift from God that has been nourished. Keep up the good work!
-Tagman
Very good. I have read many fanfics and ficpresses over the years, and this story was definitely in the top tier. Good plot. Good characters.
I would love to read a prequel or sequel. You are talented and obviously have a gift from God that has been nourished. Keep up the good work!
-Tagman
9/16/2012 c2 76The Autumn Queen
sorry it took so long. The RM's a great way to catch up on fics though.
[pulled myself up a chair] - why an "up"?
[I clicked the tabletop light on, and dove into the bottom drawer.] - you don't need the comma, and "dove" implies he put his head in as opposed to his hand. Perhaps: "I clicked the tabletop light on and plunged a hand into the bottom drawer." or, if you want to keep a comma in there, "I clicked the tabletop light on, plunging a hand into the bottom drawer" or something like that. The comma just brings in an unnecessary pause when you already have the and present.
[My hand came back with a small baggy filled with the purple powder that I had purchased earlier in the week.] - you don't need the "that", and perhaps you'd consider using the contraction "I'd" instead of I had. I think I saw you use it later on - but if you didn't never mind. Consistency's more important. :)
[She might not have been much on simulating emotion with her facial features, but it was obvious that she did in fact feel emotions.] - perhaps don't mention emotion twice in the same sentence like that.
I love the ending there. It was a nice mix of things. I also like how you compare the engineered system with the reality he imagined because you nicely showcase how the engineered system always comes up short, incomparable to reality, however imperfect that was.
Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
76The Autumn Queensorry it took so long. The RM's a great way to catch up on fics though.
[pulled myself up a chair] - why an "up"?
[I clicked the tabletop light on, and dove into the bottom drawer.] - you don't need the comma, and "dove" implies he put his head in as opposed to his hand. Perhaps: "I clicked the tabletop light on and plunged a hand into the bottom drawer." or, if you want to keep a comma in there, "I clicked the tabletop light on, plunging a hand into the bottom drawer" or something like that. The comma just brings in an unnecessary pause when you already have the and present.
[My hand came back with a small baggy filled with the purple powder that I had purchased earlier in the week.] - you don't need the "that", and perhaps you'd consider using the contraction "I'd" instead of I had. I think I saw you use it later on - but if you didn't never mind. Consistency's more important. :)
[She might not have been much on simulating emotion with her facial features, but it was obvious that she did in fact feel emotions.] - perhaps don't mention emotion twice in the same sentence like that.
I love the ending there. It was a nice mix of things. I also like how you compare the engineered system with the reality he imagined because you nicely showcase how the engineered system always comes up short, incomparable to reality, however imperfect that was.
Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
8/11/2012 c1 The Autumn Queen
While the first sentence as a stand-alone was intruiging, I find it an odd contradiction with the second (and more sensical as far as the imagery goes) sentence: [The rain poured down on me like a hot shower. The wet drops brought a slight relief to the heat] - hot shower bring relief to heat?
I like the "current" image though; [because] it was a nice play of words, pertaining to both electricity and water and context/time as well. Nice job.
I do find that some paragraphs have too much of the "I do" structure; perhaps reword it a little? Make it a tad more engaging - it reads a little too much like an account and less like a narrative at times.
But that's about all. I like the little tidbits of information you've provided because they're like little puzzle pieces to put together this world without giving us the whole pic in a solver platter. All in all, well done.
While the first sentence as a stand-alone was intruiging, I find it an odd contradiction with the second (and more sensical as far as the imagery goes) sentence: [The rain poured down on me like a hot shower. The wet drops brought a slight relief to the heat] - hot shower bring relief to heat?
I like the "current" image though; [because] it was a nice play of words, pertaining to both electricity and water and context/time as well. Nice job.
I do find that some paragraphs have too much of the "I do" structure; perhaps reword it a little? Make it a tad more engaging - it reads a little too much like an account and less like a narrative at times.
But that's about all. I like the little tidbits of information you've provided because they're like little puzzle pieces to put together this world without giving us the whole pic in a solver platter. All in all, well done.
8/8/2012 c27 Francis
Good story, mixtre of matrix and terminator. Nice touch in keeping the violence to a minium and the sex implied.
Good story, mixtre of matrix and terminator. Nice touch in keeping the violence to a minium and the sex implied.
8/7/2012 c27 YOUDIE411
Didn't bother signing in.
Amazing story. There were a few mistakes here and there, but overall it was an amazing story. One great read.
Didn't bother signing in.
Amazing story. There were a few mistakes here and there, but overall it was an amazing story. One great read.
8/5/2012 c27 1Samsonet
What? It's the end already? You've gotta write a sequel! I like these characters, I like this world. The solution did seem sort of abrupt in two points- the addiction cure and the destructive virus. They came out of nowhere, by which I mean that there were absolutely no clues earlier in the story. I think this could be solved pretty easily, however, with a throwaway line in the Thinker chapters, maybe Thinker saying, "If you help me, I can cure your boost addiction," but Erik responding that he would never help. Can't wait to see this in bookstores!
1SamsonetWhat? It's the end already? You've gotta write a sequel! I like these characters, I like this world. The solution did seem sort of abrupt in two points- the addiction cure and the destructive virus. They came out of nowhere, by which I mean that there were absolutely no clues earlier in the story. I think this could be solved pretty easily, however, with a throwaway line in the Thinker chapters, maybe Thinker saying, "If you help me, I can cure your boost addiction," but Erik responding that he would never help. Can't wait to see this in bookstores!
8/5/2012 c27 kiki
i like the ending. i love the storyline, i can't to find it i a store. :)
i like the ending. i love the storyline, i can't to find it i a store. :)
8/4/2012 c27 4Greenie10
It's finished! :'( I loved the ending, especially how Erik upgrades his dream room.
Loved this story, and hope to see more!
4Greenie10It's finished! :'( I loved the ending, especially how Erik upgrades his dream room.
Loved this story, and hope to see more!
8/3/2012 c26 ChaseOfSpades
they must got the virus from Edward!. how did they not infect Erik?.. so much unanswered question.
they must got the virus from Edward!. how did they not infect Erik?.. so much unanswered question.
8/2/2012 c13 1Samsonet
Finally! Femme fatale at the noir theater! Sorry for not reviewing earlier. Paige is so sweet and of course Erik is the coolest guy ever! I'm going to keep reading! There is a bit too much telling rather than showing, but the plot and world are so interesting it doesn't really matter. I like this!
1SamsonetFinally! Femme fatale at the noir theater! Sorry for not reviewing earlier. Paige is so sweet and of course Erik is the coolest guy ever! I'm going to keep reading! There is a bit too much telling rather than showing, but the plot and world are so interesting it doesn't really matter. I like this!