for What You Mean to Me8/22/2012 c2 
2Cathy Casam
I liked this so far, although the story is a tad bit cliched. Um, two things you might want to be careful about is that I noticed that there are too much dialogues going on, and the tenses. Or else it's still very, very good and yeah, that's allI have to say.
2Cathy CasamI liked this so far, although the story is a tad bit cliched. Um, two things you might want to be careful about is that I noticed that there are too much dialogues going on, and the tenses. Or else it's still very, very good and yeah, that's allI have to say.
8/12/2012 c1 2B.R. McNair
Ummmm... Well, I'll start by saying this is definitely a guilty pleasure story. Like those romance movies you know are so cliche but you watch them anyways because you need to be entertained. You have a few typos and some clunky sentences as well. You could use some description or maybe the main character thinking about things, as you tend to focus a lot on dialogue. I think the main problem is the first chapter was rushed and needs to take some time to explain things in greater depth. Your story, like all stories, has potential. If you polish your writing and take some time to describe things, you'll have a great little chick flick on your hands.
Peace and love,
B.R. McNair
P.S- Saw you at Roadhouse. I prefer Trials of the Son for return reviews. :)
2B.R. McNairUmmmm... Well, I'll start by saying this is definitely a guilty pleasure story. Like those romance movies you know are so cliche but you watch them anyways because you need to be entertained. You have a few typos and some clunky sentences as well. You could use some description or maybe the main character thinking about things, as you tend to focus a lot on dialogue. I think the main problem is the first chapter was rushed and needs to take some time to explain things in greater depth. Your story, like all stories, has potential. If you polish your writing and take some time to describe things, you'll have a great little chick flick on your hands.
Peace and love,
B.R. McNair
P.S- Saw you at Roadhouse. I prefer Trials of the Son for return reviews. :)
8/10/2012 c1 2Ghost Divsion
I really like the way Mia and Cole interact with each other, it's kind of cute really. I especially like how they only address each other by last name. I can kind of see how a relationship could form between them. I have many people in my school who are actually friends despite acting like they hate each other and arguing all the time. Good story.
2Ghost DivsionI really like the way Mia and Cole interact with each other, it's kind of cute really. I especially like how they only address each other by last name. I can kind of see how a relationship could form between them. I have many people in my school who are actually friends despite acting like they hate each other and arguing all the time. Good story.
8/10/2012 c2 2dragonflydreamer
This review has been brought to you by the Review Game's Review Marathon! Check out the link in my profile.
Whoa, a popular guy who doesn't like sports? That's a new one. I like that because it gives some depth to his character. I wonder what exactly it is that boosts his popularity then. Looks? His girlfriends? The shampoo detail was also cute and I giggled, haha.
I'm not really liking Mia's friends at this point because they all blend together into a bunch of crazy fangirls. Hopefully they'll emerge with distinct personalities in the coming chapters because otherwise, they're dragging the story down in credibility.
I wonder why his girlfriend dumped him. Maybe because he's spending too much time with Mia, hm? I'm hoping so because that would be an interesting plot twist.
Good luck with the rest of this!
2dragonflydreamerThis review has been brought to you by the Review Game's Review Marathon! Check out the link in my profile.
Whoa, a popular guy who doesn't like sports? That's a new one. I like that because it gives some depth to his character. I wonder what exactly it is that boosts his popularity then. Looks? His girlfriends? The shampoo detail was also cute and I giggled, haha.
I'm not really liking Mia's friends at this point because they all blend together into a bunch of crazy fangirls. Hopefully they'll emerge with distinct personalities in the coming chapters because otherwise, they're dragging the story down in credibility.
I wonder why his girlfriend dumped him. Maybe because he's spending too much time with Mia, hm? I'm hoping so because that would be an interesting plot twist.
Good luck with the rest of this!
8/10/2012 c1 dragonflydreamer
This review has been brought to you by the Review Game's Review Marathon! Check out the link in my profile.
I won't say this story isn't cliched, but it looks like a really fun read! I like the juvenille voice to it and the fact that your narrator keeps coming back to how much she hates Cole because it's fun. Totally reminds me of this guy, Colby, who was my "worst enemy" through all of elementary school.
I also like the premise of having to get to know each other for an assignment. I'd say it's unrealistic, but I've totally done that before XD During college orientation week we had to get to know someone for a day and I got this awesome hippy chick from Washington. So, it's a little out of the ordinary for high school, but I think you can pull it off and get a good plot rolling because the story seems a little overblown and ridiculous in tone anyway.
At this point, my main advice would be to watch for the details you're including and what you're glazing over. Like when they're in the restaurant, did you really need to have a line about what salad she was choosing?
Edits:
[our teachers want us to think that our petty little feelings matter to them behaving us "make friends" with the people that we loathe] I'm not sure why "behaving us" is in there. This would make sense if you take those words out.
[We have to do throw, it's an assignment!] I'm not sure what this means.
This review has been brought to you by the Review Game's Review Marathon! Check out the link in my profile.
I won't say this story isn't cliched, but it looks like a really fun read! I like the juvenille voice to it and the fact that your narrator keeps coming back to how much she hates Cole because it's fun. Totally reminds me of this guy, Colby, who was my "worst enemy" through all of elementary school.
I also like the premise of having to get to know each other for an assignment. I'd say it's unrealistic, but I've totally done that before XD During college orientation week we had to get to know someone for a day and I got this awesome hippy chick from Washington. So, it's a little out of the ordinary for high school, but I think you can pull it off and get a good plot rolling because the story seems a little overblown and ridiculous in tone anyway.
At this point, my main advice would be to watch for the details you're including and what you're glazing over. Like when they're in the restaurant, did you really need to have a line about what salad she was choosing?
Edits:
[our teachers want us to think that our petty little feelings matter to them behaving us "make friends" with the people that we loathe] I'm not sure why "behaving us" is in there. This would make sense if you take those words out.
[We have to do throw, it's an assignment!] I'm not sure what this means.
8/10/2012 c2 10Do Play With Fire
I thought that it as funny how Mia named her conscience Selena, but Cole seems a bit melodramatic.
-Alex
10Do Play With FireI thought that it as funny how Mia named her conscience Selena, but Cole seems a bit melodramatic.
-Alex
8/10/2012 c1 Do Play With Fire
I am not a big romance fan, but I thought that the two different personalities that Mia and Cole had were pretty interesting. I also liked this simile, "He was as rotten as an apple that had been left in the sun for over a month." That you threw in there.
-Alex
I am not a big romance fan, but I thought that the two different personalities that Mia and Cole had were pretty interesting. I also liked this simile, "He was as rotten as an apple that had been left in the sun for over a month." That you threw in there.
-Alex
8/9/2012 c1 1AshDirectioner
Hey! Thanks for the reviews on my story and just read chapter one of yours and its really good, just about to read chapter to (: x
1AshDirectionerHey! Thanks for the reviews on my story and just read chapter one of yours and its really good, just about to read chapter to (: x
8/8/2012 c1 I.Will.Always.Shine
OMG this is soo good and funny! You're a really good writer! Keep going! ) I'm definitely adding this to my favs. Do you ming if I add this to my Go Romance! community?
OMG this is soo good and funny! You're a really good writer! Keep going! ) I'm definitely adding this to my favs. Do you ming if I add this to my Go Romance! community?
8/8/2012 c2 Guest
aww i feel so sorry for cole... but whys he crying if his girlfriend broke up with him when he cheats on her all the time?
aww i feel so sorry for cole... but whys he crying if his girlfriend broke up with him when he cheats on her all the time?
8/1/2012 c1 Guest
Update soon plz
Update soon plz
8/1/2012 c1 Good job
keep writing
keep writing