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8/7/2012 c1 Forlorn-ember
Sorry for the missing letters in my last review, appears there was some kind of laggy issue with fictionpress on that day.
8/1/2012 c1 41marceline the vampire queen
I like this! It's quite effective the way you switch between the two perspectives; usually I'm not a fan of voice-changes, but it worked here because it was in third person, and because it was just the two characters and their confrontation (which was the focal point). Your characters were both well-drawn and developed - Jared made me smile a few times, along with the clever lines you slipped in here and there. Overall, a cute and heartwarming little piece with good dialogue and characters. A couple of typos here and there, but those can be ironed out easily. xx
8/1/2012 c1 Sanna Raitamo
"My aim is usually better." - such an great 1st line.
"I'll count myself lucky then." He brushed a hand through his messy brown hair. "You should come with a warning sign – like "Beware of the dog-" - hahhahhahahahahhaha omg, he implied she was a bitch? let's just ange her more shall we?
"I want... I want to apologise, I want you to forgive me, I want to be able to walk into a room without a nuclear missile aimed at my head!" - there's soooo many great lines here.
your line break is missing on the first pov change.
Kiss is brilliant, ending cut.
Overall, very cute XD.
7/31/2012 c1 Tahlian
I like the PoV switches. I like how they seem to think the other is al confidant and formiddable and when they're actually shaking in there boots.
Think itcould have done with more feeling but the kiss was good and the ending cute and sweet. Nicely done.
Review back?
7/31/2012 c1 Moon-shine-Kiera
Sooo glad I put you on author alert. Although admittedly I'd hoped it was for A brilliant mistake but no matter, I'd have been upset if I missed this piece. 3 fluff.
Kiera
7/31/2012 c1 1Forlorn-ember
Aw that is just too cute. There are definitely some funny lines in there. So as always I love your writing. The short sharp sentences gets a bit lost but they're there whe it matters. Aweome!
Forlorn
7/30/2012 c1 ladybug82896
This was so cute! I can't help but wonder if you're gonna continue the story.
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