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1/3/2013 c1 44professional griefer
I don't like how you started with Carrie's full name. I don't think it's necessary to the story, and it's a personal peeve of mine when people use unnecessary information. It's not that big of a deal, it just caught my attention and bugged me.
I loved how the killer said 'forgive me father, for I have sinned' before she shot Carrie, it really creeped me out and it definitely lent a lot of intrigue to the rest of the piece.
I didn't like the ending, either, it severely confused me and I thought you could have added more clarity to it. Maybe I'm missing symbolism or whatever, but it just didn't make sense to me.
Nice work.
8/5/2012 c1 1Thorid
This story is well written and pulled me in quite easily. This has to be the best writing I have read on this website so far. I would say that this plotline is very much overused and detective writing is definitely not easy, but you seemed to pull it off quite well. My only recommendation is to keep on writing and I'm now interested in looking up Phoenix Rising if it is indeed published here. Thanks for the read.

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