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for Dance Macabre

9/11/2012 c4 4Raymond Lamar Gilstrap
I like the Joy. Nice use of the French! Mine is a little rusty so it took me a while to remember stuff. LOL! I will dance in his blood . . . I love it! And I love the smiley face ending. This needs more reviews! Next time I post a chapter in Apathy I'll tell people to come check this out!
9/1/2012 c3 AcrylicHeart
The breaking the fourth wall is a little sketchy for me. I'm not fond of it, honestly. The rest of it is very well written, and that seems to take away from it a little bit. I like the sotry though. And the voice for this character is very strong. I even had a voice for him playing in the back of my head. :) (Actually, to be honest, I think I was picturing Jonas from Fallout 3 as the doctor from the previous chapter, but that's my own oddness talking, I suppose.)

I do like it. But, as said, I don't like how the characters seem to... Well, break character, just about. The rest of it feels very natural, seems like someone would really talk as such, but when they break, so does the illusion.

Just a thought. Hoping to see more!

9/1/2012 c2 AcrylicHeart
This was a little bit less... I'm not sure what seeming, but there was something that was not here, that was in the prologue. I didn't much enjoy the vocalization of the pain, but that's all personal preference for me. Also, paragraph two, the proper term would be latter. (Unless you intended it as later, to which I apologize if you did.) I will say, however, that much though I do not enjoy present tense, this was not awkwardly written. It flowed well and made sense, rather than needlessly throwing one off due to the simplicity of a tense. In all, I like where this may or may not be going, and do look forward to reading more.

9/1/2012 c1 AcrylicHeart
Well now this is a very refreshing change! I find myself quite intrigued by this! The language is flawless, and very direct. And although the whole of it is very ominous, it also has a feeling of sorrowful curiosity. That may just be me reading a bit too much into it, but there you have it.

This is a piece where I can actually say I don't feel it needs any elaboration. It is properly succinct, and abrupt though it may seem it serves it's purpose rather well. Consider me hooked my friend. :)

8/10/2012 c1 PJ Zatken
Nice to see you writing again! It's great :)
8/10/2012 c1 45Onearmwonder21
8/10/2012 c1 4Raymond Lamar Gilstrap
Yes! About time the Dark Swordsman make a comeback to FictionPress! I saw your review for Apathy too. That had me rolling . . . .

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