Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for RagsXRiches We just don't mix

8/11/2012 c1 44professional griefer
First of all, your speaker tags are inaccurate. When you go in to a 'he said/she said', you should use a comma instead of a period. When it goes into an action you can use periods.
Second of all, your plot so far seems very cliche and rather boring. From this point you could probably spin it and make it interesting, but until then it just seems very predictable.
Also, so far Ashley seems like a Mary-Sue, being raised as a son and being able to randomly conjure up a big slash when before she was being mocked for failing.
I think you could make this good, but it needs work.
Also, your summary isn't a very good hook, just thought I would let you know.
8/11/2012 c1 1Jinspire
I like the beginning, very good, yes? And whose POV is it? Is it Keijon and Ashley again? Haha, I'm very curious, excuse my seemingly endless amount of questions. Well, whomever the narrator is, she seems dangerous... in a cool way. (:

As usual, good grammar, spelling, pretty much everything else, bluh bluh bluh. XD I could never not like your stuff; 'tis too good!

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service