for Oversight7/10/2014 c6 
9CaseyT
Your research really shows and adds to the credibility and quality of the story.
9CaseyTYour research really shows and adds to the credibility and quality of the story.
4/16/2013 c6 JaveHarron
Once again, you should your talent for writing metaphors. You really should do a pulp styled story sometime. You'd be great at it. That sad, the ending seemed abrupt, but I like Manning. That sub crew seem to have really let themselves go.
Once again, you should your talent for writing metaphors. You really should do a pulp styled story sometime. You'd be great at it. That sad, the ending seemed abrupt, but I like Manning. That sub crew seem to have really let themselves go.
3/24/2013 c5 JaveHarron
The metaphors in this chapter were fairly good and the description was fairly competent. In particular, the main officer here is well described, an ass who makes armchair generals look competent by comparison. However, I am still disappointed by the fact that it takes so long for submarines to appear.
The metaphors in this chapter were fairly good and the description was fairly competent. In particular, the main officer here is well described, an ass who makes armchair generals look competent by comparison. However, I am still disappointed by the fact that it takes so long for submarines to appear.
9/30/2012 c4 13KimHua
For a first attempt at a space battle, you did a good job. Sometimes you have a few too many metaphors, rather than just "telling it as it is", but overall it was very enjoyable. Also, the scene is mainly from an "all-seeing" viewpoint, which serves to distance the reader somewhat from the overwhelming horror of it all. I know it's primarily "Martians vs computers", but you could perhaps have a Terran tech/general watching the battle on a viewscreen down on Earth to bring out some emotion in the battle. Perhaps it could be someone jaded with the administration's reliance on the computer-driven stations, or maybe even someone involved in their design who argued for a strategic element to their programming but was overridden (which I think is probably the biggest "huh?" moment in the story - it seems a little odd not to have strategic rules/algorithms by which the computers designate their targets. It's pretty obvious that the ship-killing lasers should focus on the attacking fleets as much as they can once they realize they're not going to make a dent in the missiles).
In any case, I look forward to reading more!
13KimHuaFor a first attempt at a space battle, you did a good job. Sometimes you have a few too many metaphors, rather than just "telling it as it is", but overall it was very enjoyable. Also, the scene is mainly from an "all-seeing" viewpoint, which serves to distance the reader somewhat from the overwhelming horror of it all. I know it's primarily "Martians vs computers", but you could perhaps have a Terran tech/general watching the battle on a viewscreen down on Earth to bring out some emotion in the battle. Perhaps it could be someone jaded with the administration's reliance on the computer-driven stations, or maybe even someone involved in their design who argued for a strategic element to their programming but was overridden (which I think is probably the biggest "huh?" moment in the story - it seems a little odd not to have strategic rules/algorithms by which the computers designate their targets. It's pretty obvious that the ship-killing lasers should focus on the attacking fleets as much as they can once they realize they're not going to make a dent in the missiles).
In any case, I look forward to reading more!
9/30/2012 c4 JaveHarron
Your metaphors are top notch, as always. I'm rather jealous. Just looking forward to finally seeing some submarine actions.
Your metaphors are top notch, as always. I'm rather jealous. Just looking forward to finally seeing some submarine actions.
9/26/2012 c3 JaveHarron
Okay, I like how you've redone the story so far. There's some definite characters with personalities, although no real names. Your metaphors are great, especially technical and hard science related ones (just like the first version). There is a disturbing lack of submarines, at least so far.
Okay, I like how you've redone the story so far. There's some definite characters with personalities, although no real names. Your metaphors are great, especially technical and hard science related ones (just like the first version). There is a disturbing lack of submarines, at least so far.
9/21/2012 c3 JaveHarron
I have to say, your metaphors are great. Your science and engineering is also top notch, as an engineer's should be. Your characters, however, need work. No one really has a damn name so far, and physical descriptions are scarce. Likewise, why didn't the Martians have the AI do some kind of automatic weapons launch in the optimal zone so they don't need a human crew? Given the relatively high casualty rate, that seems like a prudent idea.
I have to say, your metaphors are great. Your science and engineering is also top notch, as an engineer's should be. Your characters, however, need work. No one really has a damn name so far, and physical descriptions are scarce. Likewise, why didn't the Martians have the AI do some kind of automatic weapons launch in the optimal zone so they don't need a human crew? Given the relatively high casualty rate, that seems like a prudent idea.
8/22/2012 c1 mackalexd307
That was epic. I DEMAND THAT YOU SUPPLY THE WORLD WITH MORE EPIC WRITING, UPDATE! I want to see some sub vs spaceship action by Jove!
That was epic. I DEMAND THAT YOU SUPPLY THE WORLD WITH MORE EPIC WRITING, UPDATE! I want to see some sub vs spaceship action by Jove!