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for The Night Beast

9/7/2014 c1 3lilbabykiwi
Agree with Lia. And "matt-black" should be "matte-black", though. BUT REALLY THIS IS AWESOME
8/4/2014 c1 2S. D. Forogar
Though this constitutes a LOT less content than what I tend to work with, it stands as the author's latest work by quite a margin, and so would represent their highest level of skill. So, the shortened sections of the Good and the Bad stand below!

The GOOD: The first half of this story, wherein the imagery was quite decent. I could see the scene, and though cliche (girl running from a monster through the woods) it surpassed a great deal of 'excerpt stories' akin. Also, I did enjoy the unusual terminology (such as use of the word 'soughed'), which I don't tend to see.

The BAD: The second half, which starts with the first occurrence of the word 'werewolf,' in a couple of ways. First, the 'werewolf' concept was only introduced after the climax, wherein the girl could not possibly know what it was anyway (except by an irrational judgment while on the run; this, however, conflicts with the second point also).

Second, she seemed to be able to act quite level-headed for someone who'd experienced such trauma, which detracts from any emotional buildup of the first part of this story.

Third, there seemed to be a segment wherein the PoV shifts, without any indication; a good page break here would clear this up, or italics even (though not as much).

Finally, and my only issue with the first segment, I'm not a fan of clunky exposition telling the 'story that happened before the one I'm reading.' It wouldn't be terribly difficult to expand this story to incorporate an italicized, detailed version of the events, to add power to this piece. Even a segment like this, wherein only a single event is occurring and no 'greater story' is to be presented, can use power to emphasize its goodness.

I won't conclude one way or the other whether this piece stands up, because the short amount of content really doesn't allow it to amount to anything. I do hope the author addresses those points, however, that I've listed, and if (s)he needs any assistance I would be very happy to provide where I can.
8/25/2012 c1 5SimonClemens
...Awesome, awesome, AWESOME.
Why hasn't this gotten more attention?!

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