for So Help Me9/19/2012 c2 
7LovelySocks
Ahh...I enjoyed this installment of "So Help Me." We got to see more relationships forming, and, as you well know, I'm waiting for more. No pressure.
Anyway, on with critiquing. Nice job pulling things together, and I could feel the chemistry between each of the interactions Macy had. One thing though is that in the first section, Macy's snappy to her teacher. In the next, she lets a guy be rude to her *and* call her by the wrong name. These actions are a little contridicatory. Maybe choose just one personality (fiesty v.s. go-with-the-flow). Few more details when describing things? You do a great job when it comes to small details like judging clothing and car windows, though.
Other than that, LOVED IT :D PErsonally, I loved the conversation between Georgia and Macy. It really reflected how close they are. You also included some great little bits to keep this exciting and interesting for the reader. For example, the part about killing Krishan with an axe was good. There were many others too. And you really know how to wrap up a chapter. Great job, Water Balloon.
-LittleLights
7LovelySocksAhh...I enjoyed this installment of "So Help Me." We got to see more relationships forming, and, as you well know, I'm waiting for more. No pressure.
Anyway, on with critiquing. Nice job pulling things together, and I could feel the chemistry between each of the interactions Macy had. One thing though is that in the first section, Macy's snappy to her teacher. In the next, she lets a guy be rude to her *and* call her by the wrong name. These actions are a little contridicatory. Maybe choose just one personality (fiesty v.s. go-with-the-flow). Few more details when describing things? You do a great job when it comes to small details like judging clothing and car windows, though.
Other than that, LOVED IT :D PErsonally, I loved the conversation between Georgia and Macy. It really reflected how close they are. You also included some great little bits to keep this exciting and interesting for the reader. For example, the part about killing Krishan with an axe was good. There were many others too. And you really know how to wrap up a chapter. Great job, Water Balloon.
-LittleLights
8/24/2012 c1 LovelySocks
Great job :) I can tell that this story's going to take off soon, and I can't wait to see the characters evolve into real people in my mind. There could be more detail and the dialogue's a little stiff, but I see no errors in grammar or spelling (not that I'm too good myself). The title gets me really excited, though, and I'm waiting to see where you're going to go with this Krishan guy (who, currently, sounds like a big jerk). Personally, I just have to say that I LOVE the small details you put in here like mentioning the "Wonder bread" and grabbing an elastic and stuff of that nature. Also, I adore the way Macy's like "why is everyone suddenly interested in *my* day? I literally laughed out loud (I refuse to abbreviate that :]) and, as I've said before, am anticipating more of this story as soon as it's posted. Thank you, and good day.
Great job :) I can tell that this story's going to take off soon, and I can't wait to see the characters evolve into real people in my mind. There could be more detail and the dialogue's a little stiff, but I see no errors in grammar or spelling (not that I'm too good myself). The title gets me really excited, though, and I'm waiting to see where you're going to go with this Krishan guy (who, currently, sounds like a big jerk). Personally, I just have to say that I LOVE the small details you put in here like mentioning the "Wonder bread" and grabbing an elastic and stuff of that nature. Also, I adore the way Macy's like "why is everyone suddenly interested in *my* day? I literally laughed out loud (I refuse to abbreviate that :]) and, as I've said before, am anticipating more of this story as soon as it's posted. Thank you, and good day.