for Surviving Turmoil1/5/2013 c1 
1Lacylady
The story is fast paced and has some really good ideas.
Some of the sentences don't make sense they way they are written which makes the story a bit harder to read then it should be.
My big suggestion is to get someone who hasn't read it before and doesn't know the story to read through before posting, this will let you know which parts need another look.
All in all though very entertaining.
1LacyladyThe story is fast paced and has some really good ideas.
Some of the sentences don't make sense they way they are written which makes the story a bit harder to read then it should be.
My big suggestion is to get someone who hasn't read it before and doesn't know the story to read through before posting, this will let you know which parts need another look.
All in all though very entertaining.
11/26/2012 c1 9Hugs6
The paragraphs are very run on and I couldn't get my mind around all the action, would you care to explain so I don't have to wade through all those words? But anywhos, it's really good.
9Hugs6The paragraphs are very run on and I couldn't get my mind around all the action, would you care to explain so I don't have to wade through all those words? But anywhos, it's really good.
10/31/2012 c36 Mentathial
about Crystal and Andrew getting caught and Tom's mom being appointed to him magic?
about Crystal and Andrew getting caught and Tom's mom being appointed to him magic?
10/24/2012 c20 1JazzApples
You really have been playing too much Layton, haven't you? (or at least like the series so much, huh) I'm half-expecting the giant mecha-robots from nowhere now! So it IS getting a bit random and weird, but fast paced and exciting too! Keep it up!
1JazzApplesYou really have been playing too much Layton, haven't you? (or at least like the series so much, huh) I'm half-expecting the giant mecha-robots from nowhere now! So it IS getting a bit random and weird, but fast paced and exciting too! Keep it up!
10/5/2012 c8 1JazzApples
Very good! I really want to know what happens!
Just a note; when writing, try to avoid using numbers (e.g. 2). It is better to spell out the number instead (e.g. two). As I said, just a note.
Carry on with the good writing!
1JazzApplesVery good! I really want to know what happens!
Just a note; when writing, try to avoid using numbers (e.g. 2). It is better to spell out the number instead (e.g. two). As I said, just a note.
Carry on with the good writing!
10/5/2012 c6 JazzApples
This story seriously needs more reviews.
You seriously have me glued to this story so you seriously need to update faster.
It's really exciting and well thought out and OMG star people but more description wouldn't harm the story.
Other than that, keep writing!
This story seriously needs more reviews.
You seriously have me glued to this story so you seriously need to update faster.
It's really exciting and well thought out and OMG star people but more description wouldn't harm the story.
Other than that, keep writing!
9/12/2012 c4 33yellowmice
ooooh pick me! pick me!
i know what this needs.
a TWIST.
what if steve is working for the other side and was only pretending to be on his? all this saving him is a bit suspiciously easy... hmmm...
or maybe they are both falling into a massive trap and the antidote is actually a very slow acting venom... or something...
i don't know!
you're the author,
YOU think of something!
( btw this would make a pretty amazing spy film :)
33yellowmiceooooh pick me! pick me!
i know what this needs.
a TWIST.
what if steve is working for the other side and was only pretending to be on his? all this saving him is a bit suspiciously easy... hmmm...
or maybe they are both falling into a massive trap and the antidote is actually a very slow acting venom... or something...
i don't know!
you're the author,
YOU think of something!
( btw this would make a pretty amazing spy film :)