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for The Flower

9/28/2012 c1 63RedactedNoLongerWriting
Congratulations on winning the WCC!

Opening: I didn't think this was as strong as it could be. The language is simple, which is good because it fits with the rest of the story, but the actual action didn't feel like it had enough motion to pull me in. I mean, I just sort of picture her sitting staring at this flower that I can't even clearly visualize yet; I don't get any sense of the emotion behind that 'watched' so I'm already unsure how to interpret the first image.

Ending: I liked the sense of hope at the end of this. It's obvious she's not broken by this bad relationship and it gives me the impression she'll make things so much better for herself on her own. That wrapped things up nicely, I thought.

Scene: One thing I thought could have been developed more was the idea of her husband cheating on her. The scene was a bit skeletal as far as action and reaction; we see what happens but we don't get much sense how this hurts the woman. Additionally, I thought his motivation was lacking and their dynamic was confusing. Why did he keep her at home? How did he keep her there? How long has this been going on that she's 1. obedient to his wishes but 2. still irked by his actions to the point of kicking him out? Maybe show him as more of a person instead of a vague conflict, that would help flesh him out and give this more of an emotional resonance.

Other: It's hard to say what kind of plant this is. I mean, I sort of pictured a geranium because they're (relatively) cheap and seemed like the sort of thing a loser husband would buy to try and pacify his wife. In that case, yes she could revive it with water, patience, and plant food. I've seen my mom totally forget about her geraniums for a couple weeks until they were almost brown dry stalks and she could still bring them back maybe 75 percent of the time. But anyway, haha, that detail was a little vague. I don't know that you'd need to get really specific of the flower type but maybe pick a flower you think works well for the situation, research basic care of that plant, and then write it in. I think that'd help for picturing the story a little better since the flower is such a focal point in the narrative but is never described.
8/29/2012 c1 6Ophelia Schmit
Never give up hope, no matter how much life is beating you up. That's what I got out of it. Nice. :)


P.S. I don't think you told the viewers the type of flowers, so it could be any plant. And some plants are perennials, so you could be right.

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