Just In
for Blacked Out

9/27/2012 c1 97rust phoenix
Thank you so much for your thoughtful and insightful review, I really appreciate the feedback!

The imagery in this poem is extremely strong. Even the look of the poem on the page fits well with the content, lines seeming to drain away as the narrator looses hope. You do an excellent job of evoking the senses, with images of not only darkness and hail and ultraviolet light, but of salt and molasses and the feeling of hair. Very well done. There was also a very interesting sense of synesthesia, describing darkness as "turned up" and euphoria being something tangible that can bury someone.

The ending of this poem was also done very well, and I enjoyed your use of punctuation to help convey tone and emphasize emotion. The use of a dash rather than a period as an ending unit, as though the flow of thought have abruptly been put to a stop, was used very powerfully.

Thank you for your review, and you are a very talented writer!
9/9/2012 c1 this wild abyss
I like what you tried to do here. Comparing woman to a "gateway drug" is an interesting analogy, one that would actually be really interesting if you wrote a longer piece about it. However, this piece is very short, so you had to balance your stanzas between woman and the vague "it" (would have liked more than a pronoun here, as "it" was slightly confusing). In the end, I don't feel like you did either justice, so I was left with a very shallow impression of why the narrator feels this way. Definitely, I would have liked more depth in this piece.

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