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9/13/2012 c1 Anxious Axolotl
This chapter was very short, so there isn't too much I can say about the plot development, characterisation, etc. All I can really say is that it had some interesting elements and looks like it has a lot of potential, you also did a good job of building up suspense at the end, leaving the reader wonderer what the deal with Caine is. I did find it really confusing the main characters are called Kat, Kate and Caine, though. They're just far far too similar, I'd strongly suggest changing at least one of them.

I'd offer to beta for you, but I don't really have much experience and I think you could find better. I do have a few suggestions however, like try to refrain from using initialisms like [btw.] (unless in texts or something) because it sounds less professional than writing it out long hand. Also, the line ["Lets go home" I thought to her. She answered, "Alright"] confused me, if Kate answered in thought too and they were communicating telepathically (which it what it came across as, I might have interpreted it wrong though), it needs to be made clearer, because the speaker tag 'she answered' along with the speech marks makes it seem like she responded in speech to Kat's thoughts, which just is a very odd scene to picture. On that note, there really wasn't much description in this, other than eye/bicycle colour and car model. It made it difficult to picture the school and the characters, you don't need huge chunks of description or anything, just enough to give readers something to go off of.

Might be a personal thing, but I really dislike the 'somehow' trick, usually because I feel like the author is wasting a valuable chance to show off their writing skills. Instead of [she's different somehow….], consider describing something about Kat that caught Caine's eye rather than using the 'somehow' trick.

That being said, it felt very jolting going from third person to a POV to another POV in less than 500 words, particularly because the third person and Caine's POV sections were so much shorter that Kat's POV. I'd suggest making the POVs much longer so it doesn't feel as 'jumpy', or writing it all in third person.

Good luck with later chapters, you've already got the beginnings of a good plot. I wouldn't mind seeing some slightly longer chapters, more time for more things to happen!

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