
9/15/2012 c1
279the duck in the rain
i like the idea you have going here. i really like this idea of "wasting time" and then the next line is great: "until those seconds are minutes and the hours have gone" - it's weird, because the things are getting bigger - seconds to minutes to hours - but it has the feeling of wasting away into nothing - which is strong in the end of the line, emphasized with the word "gone". The only suggestion i could make might be to throw in a couple of commas to break things up; but, really, on the whole, it's a nice little poem.
good work

i like the idea you have going here. i really like this idea of "wasting time" and then the next line is great: "until those seconds are minutes and the hours have gone" - it's weird, because the things are getting bigger - seconds to minutes to hours - but it has the feeling of wasting away into nothing - which is strong in the end of the line, emphasized with the word "gone". The only suggestion i could make might be to throw in a couple of commas to break things up; but, really, on the whole, it's a nice little poem.
good work