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for The Story of Emily

9/16/2012 c1 stormrook
"She had had parents once"

The second had is redundant, it sounds better without it.

"Aunt Marci made her sensation."

This sentence has problems.

I enjoyed reading this though. If I were to offer some advice, it seems a little too short. A little bare bones. Actions and descriptions could be fleshed out more. Put a little more meat on these bones here! You have enough good material here to make one or two really robust chapters. The plot and story are compelling enough for it.

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