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for The Horse Prince

2/23/2014 c18 achaye
An eminently entertaining tale. :D
2/10/2014 c18 Chaco
Please let there be a sequel. Her humor and dialogue made me smile.
3/27/2013 c16 6MorWolfMor
Ooh poor Marge..I hope everyone is alright. That rotten Karyn needs to answer for what she did, and at least prove that the prince is telling the truth. Anyways, great chapter :) I can't wait for the next one!

2/12/2013 c1 1she-wrote
I enjoyed reading this chapter! You have witty and wry observations that make the story fun. Sometimes though, I do think that I would rather have a description or an expansion of what Josie is commenting on.
1/23/2013 c12 6MorWolfMor
Ooh, what's going to happen next? Hmm Edward certainly is acting different...I do wonder about this...hmm...Great job with the chapter :) I really enjoyed it

1/9/2013 c1 1Cinnamon Shards
I like your character -fun, sarcastic and realistic- but ooooooh sweetie, what a long introduction!

I feel like with just a couple of changes, part the fifth could have been the start of your story. I mean, come on! TALKING HORSE! That's some cool stuff that'll hook your reader, no explanation necessary.

Sir Edward is delightful. :D
1/2/2013 c10 1The Imaginatrix
I feel kind of bad for not reviewing this sooner, especially since I faved it a month ago.

This story had me at the first chapter, because Josie's dry humour was quite enjoyable to read. I'm not saying that was her only interesting trait, but that was what captured my attention. And then, of course, there was the whole enchanted prince bit. I love my fantasy - although I plan on writing secondary-world fantasy myself - and this was everything I was looking for in a good read.

I also have a soft spot for Marge, and I'm glad she didn't disappear out of the story forever when Josie went to the fairy city.

Speaking of the fairies...WHY DID YOU MAKE THEM SO TERRIFYING?! I wouldn't have expected you to have them as tiny sparkly Tinkerbells, but did they have to be so cold and hateful? But anyways...

I like Davenn as well. He's a really interesting character and I would love it if they were able to find a way to heal his sister that didn't involve psychotic human-hating fairies.

I also like the idea of going to the kingdom's capital disguised as a dancing troop. I can't wait to see how well that plan goes! And I want to meet this dastardly cousin of our lovable prince.

I'm glad you don't seem to be having Josie fall completely and unrealistically in love with Prince Edward/Ettinz/whatever-his-real-name-is. Cliches can be rather annoying sometimes.

And cross-dressing is hilarious. xD

I'd say more if I could think of anything to say. I've read the entire story (although I did kinda skim over the psychotic-fairies scene), but I only read the chapters when they're posted, and haven't reread the rest of the story since I favourited it. Be sure that this is only the first review of hopefully many, depending on how many chapters this ends up having.

Thank you for posting this.

12/27/2012 c1 LoveDragonsForever
Well... I have to say this looks interesting.

I'm loving your writing style so far, it's awesome. :)

Now enough with this review... I... must... read... more...
12/4/2012 c7 6MorWolfMor
Ooh, another mystery...I wonder what's going to happen next...great job so far :) really enjoying this story

11/28/2012 c3 1BlazingTrails
You didn't dissapoint when it came to what was on the other side of the portal. I was glad that you had decided to go with a place that was a mixture of different sorts of technologies and looks from different sorts of eras. It helps to keep the whole place from feeling too 'drab fantasy' and more like a collection of just about every sort of thing that you could think of. The doorways in the sun connection to all of this explains how all of these strands are interconnected, and makes me most curious about future plot developements.

Your fascination with languages is really shining through at this point, though I will plead guilty in the fact that it took me a while to fully comprehend exactly how everything all worked. There is a lot going on in this chapter compared to the first two, which I would write up as being a good thing. Your story took the wild shift from 'quaint fantasy' to straight out 'crazy fantasy' really well without losing the heart of your main character.

I think what stood out for me is how realistically she seems to act to the situation at hand. It is all excitement and gumdrops and rainbows for her. At this point, everything is just starting to sink in. She is starting to realize: 'oh crap, this is actually happening. I'm gonna do a quest in this weird place, which is awesome, but terrifying!' I think it is one of the reasons why 'Wizard of Oz' (more in the terms of the movie) is so endearing to so many people. Dorothy gets flung into Oz, is amazed by everything that she encounters, but there is also this sense of 'well... this sure ain't Kansas'. You've gotta have a little fear and danger in there in order for the adventure to be interesting, or in this case, extreme culture shock.

If there was one thing that I would criticize with this chapter, I almost feel like you could have gone 'deeper' when describing the world around her. This is trick with a first-person narrative without feeling too over indulgent, but I found myself so curious about the world and everything within it that there is a part of that I could 'breathe it in' a while longer.
But, to counter that, you do have to keep the story going. I'm just selfish and wanted to swim in it for a bit longer.
11/27/2012 c2 BlazingTrails
Alright, now I gotta make sure to review the heck out of this chapter too before I get a move on.

When I spoke in the first review about 'grounded silliness', this chapter perfectly shows up what I meant. The main character herself knows all of the cliches of fantasy and this sort of storytelling. The fact that she seems to be in the center of one of those kinds of stories is a trip for her, but there is still more than few knowing winks to the reader. BUT, the fantasy itself is treated by the characters around her, and often through her narration, completely seriouslyness. This adds a sense of wonder and mystique to the work which keeps it from going into 'Joss Whedon' levels of self-deprication (not that there is anything wrong with that).

For instance, when she is touching the outsides of the gate, she knows she looks ridiculous. But she describes it both ways. One: from the perspective that she probably looked kinda 'pervy'. Two: from the perspective of having ones mind completely blown by the sight and feeling of something completely beyond reasoning. She is living one of her very own dreams.

The character that you introduce into this chapter is equally as interesting as the main character. I suppose that she could be considered as a 'wise sage' character, but you turn that a bit on its ear. She is just an old woman looking to be a part of an adventure, and she doesn't comfortably fit the bill of the 'wizardly Gandalf' type at all. She is someone just like your lead... just older and more experienced.

Your cast of characters, which you gave great emphasis at the end, is another strong-point. You have a talking horse, an old woman with a youthful heart, and a non-deriative young woman with an obsession with fantasy. I can't wait to spend more time with this gang as the story continues to unfold.

Expect more reviews on the way! Not sure that they're really going to tell you anything that you don't already know, but I try.
11/27/2012 c1 BlazingTrails
I must confess that I read ahead a chapter before I got around to writing a review for this because I was just completely swept away by the charm of the piece. This put a serious smile on my face right from the first chapter and kept me interested all the way through to the end of the second. That wouldn't be saying so much... if it weren't for the fact that I usualy bail on a lot of FictionPress stories before I even get to that point.

I'm not a huge an of first-person narratives, but what you've done with it here helps to enhance the overall story. There isn't a whole ton of sentences beginning with "I" or repetitious language that makes it feel like an overwrought fan-fiction project. This character has soul and wit to her, and all of her insights thus far have turned out to be 'very funny.' If this story were to be told with a third-person narrator, it wouldn't have worked out as well. The events would seem too silly and out there for the reader to really accept. But since she is the one that is experiencing all of it, and she is telling us how it happened and how she could hardly believe it herself, the whole story runs together very smoothly.

Another admirable note is how you didn't make her just another 'girl with a pretty face'. There is a tendency, even amongst the most well-intentioned of female authors, to make their characters exactly what they wished they could be. This girl is completely average in just about every way (except for her wit and soul, which I would argue is way up in the stratosphere), which is why the reader gravitates towards her. We all feel like this person. Life can be dissapointing and bland, and all sometimes wish that a magical horse (or sexy fairy in my case) would come down and send us on a magical quest. Doesn't really matter why we're going on said quest, what matters is the journey. Going away from the ordinary.

With this character as the head, you're making the cliche fun and fresh. Also, I've got to give props to the talking horse. He is most adorable.

The cliff-hanger is also really effective, and one of the reasons why I ended up reading ahead as opposed to my usual schedule of 'read a chapter, write a review, read a chapter, write a review.' Despite the story being very much in the sillier end of fantasy, I'm still excited to see how everything turns out. I'm not quite sure how to label it, but it is a very grounded kind of silliness. It doesn't feel as though this world you're going to create is completely random. It is strange, yes... and there is going to be talking horses... but on the whole, you know what you're doing.

Or at least I hope you know what you're doing. :) I'll just have to read ahead and see.
11/7/2012 c4 6MorWolfMor
Ooh, it's really interesting so far :) I'm really enjoying it, good job :D

10/16/2012 c1 6kaiheitai
I gave this a couple tries. However, for me, it seemed like there was too much exposition for me to feel the hook to read through. (Just FYI (target audience stuff) I'm 38, male, and find it hard to get into any story.) However, I did think the overall tongue-in-cheek tone was very fitting, especially given the narrator's character. This story seems much more polished than many of your others. You have great skill for narrating complex situations and feelings. Grammar, etc., is excellent. I noticed a couple technical things, (horses and auto mechanics are two things I know I lot about, coincidentally) but I don't think they impact readability.
9/19/2012 c1 79Spare Change
That was surprisingly very entertaining. Josie is quite the storyteller, very witty, and for some reason in my head she looks like Ellen Page. I also like how, despite her ordinariness and seeming lack of magic, she still turned out to be interesting. Sir Edward is also a character, and I am intrigued to see what he actually was :D Please continue this story!

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