for SOM: Paladin (2013)3/31/2015 c1 
31TanteLiz
I'm not often hooked by a first chapter, but I will definitely make time to read on. Y
our opening scene sets up the world without an excess of description, and you establish a steady pace - neither a plod nor a sprint - that you maintain throughout the chapter.
Swift, minimal but effective character descriptions. I expect that you edit well, as this feels nicely culled. There is a lovely, almost film noir - or is it Guy Noir :)? - world-weariness to Mercy. Well done!
31TanteLizI'm not often hooked by a first chapter, but I will definitely make time to read on. Y
our opening scene sets up the world without an excess of description, and you establish a steady pace - neither a plod nor a sprint - that you maintain throughout the chapter.
Swift, minimal but effective character descriptions. I expect that you edit well, as this feels nicely culled. There is a lovely, almost film noir - or is it Guy Noir :)? - world-weariness to Mercy. Well done!
3/27/2015 c1 75AlysonSerenaStone
Great attention getting opening chapter! I like how it holds and draws the reader in without being over the top. Sometimes it is just better to start things out slow, but, yet, suspenseful. The first thing I noticed was how smoothly and error free this was written. I am sure that there was a few mistakes, but nothing that took my attention away from the story. I liked how you showed the reader instead of telling, so many people have a lot of trouble with that! Great work and congrats on winning the contest!
Sorry my review is late!
75AlysonSerenaStoneGreat attention getting opening chapter! I like how it holds and draws the reader in without being over the top. Sometimes it is just better to start things out slow, but, yet, suspenseful. The first thing I noticed was how smoothly and error free this was written. I am sure that there was a few mistakes, but nothing that took my attention away from the story. I liked how you showed the reader instead of telling, so many people have a lot of trouble with that! Great work and congrats on winning the contest!
Sorry my review is late!
3/20/2015 c7 26augie.toaste
The hero gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now.
:) I'm interested to see when Mercy's reluctance turns into purpose.
26augie.toasteThe hero gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now.
:) I'm interested to see when Mercy's reluctance turns into purpose.
3/19/2015 c5 augie.toaste
I like Big Alice, but her character seems a bit wobbly in this chapter. I'm very much of a fan of how you've done the 'chosen one' scene after spending 4 chapters setting up how lawful/orderly/civilized Mercy is not.
Augie
I like Big Alice, but her character seems a bit wobbly in this chapter. I'm very much of a fan of how you've done the 'chosen one' scene after spending 4 chapters setting up how lawful/orderly/civilized Mercy is not.
Augie
3/18/2015 c3 augie.toaste
Wow. I thought "I'll just have a look at the next chapter" and suddenly I'm at the end of Chapter 3 and stuff is getting real.
Wow. I thought "I'll just have a look at the next chapter" and suddenly I'm at the end of Chapter 3 and stuff is getting real.
3/18/2015 c1 augie.toaste
Basically, what Solemn said.
Great tension at the start of the chapter, nicely introducing the character and the world. Shit got real immediately.
Great world building. The way that you introduce each piece as it becomes relevant makes it a lot less info dumpy. There is *a lot* of world to get through. It was a bit of a crash course for me (not use to reading fantasy) but I think that's more to do with me than the writing.
Excellent, kick ass characters, and I don't just mean the humans. You do gruff well.
Augie
Basically, what Solemn said.
Great tension at the start of the chapter, nicely introducing the character and the world. Shit got real immediately.
Great world building. The way that you introduce each piece as it becomes relevant makes it a lot less info dumpy. There is *a lot* of world to get through. It was a bit of a crash course for me (not use to reading fantasy) but I think that's more to do with me than the writing.
Excellent, kick ass characters, and I don't just mean the humans. You do gruff well.
Augie
3/15/2015 c1 82Solemn Coyote
Okay, so actually reviewing the thing I'm supposed to review this time.
Although I'm not actually sure what to do with my review. This is professional quality pulp here. There isn't anything for me to actually nitpick, just enthuse over.
I love your naming schemes. Bones Picked Clean has a kind of Coppergone feel to it, while at the same time your characters capture a sort of Steven Brust-y vibe. You write combat clearly and neatly, and although it has an anime sort of snappiness to it (the burly Northerner named Guts *can't* have been a coincidence), it's also grounded and visceral. I love the liarbirds, too, by the way. And you have a knack for fusing imperial Chinese, medieval Arabic, and English cultures into something both familiar and intriguing.
My only grammatical gripe is at the line "Don't be dumb, Mercy." The liarbiard speaks right after that, but it's in the same line, and that feels a little weird to me.
Otherwise, this is awesome. Keep writing.
82Solemn CoyoteOkay, so actually reviewing the thing I'm supposed to review this time.
Although I'm not actually sure what to do with my review. This is professional quality pulp here. There isn't anything for me to actually nitpick, just enthuse over.
I love your naming schemes. Bones Picked Clean has a kind of Coppergone feel to it, while at the same time your characters capture a sort of Steven Brust-y vibe. You write combat clearly and neatly, and although it has an anime sort of snappiness to it (the burly Northerner named Guts *can't* have been a coincidence), it's also grounded and visceral. I love the liarbirds, too, by the way. And you have a knack for fusing imperial Chinese, medieval Arabic, and English cultures into something both familiar and intriguing.
My only grammatical gripe is at the line "Don't be dumb, Mercy." The liarbiard speaks right after that, but it's in the same line, and that feels a little weird to me.
Otherwise, this is awesome. Keep writing.
3/30/2014 c53 3Igilix
This story was incredible. I really enjoyed it and I thought it was great, entertaining, magical, unique, and well-written. I can't believe I've already finished it-I feel like I was on chapter 18 two days ago, and I'm a little sad to have reached the end.
However, I feel like in this chapter, the ending was too sudden. Those weird mist people appeared, Aerope was vanquished, and then Jack and Albis immediately head to the party. I feel like there would be a few things happening in between, such as rounding up the dead and wounded, getting healed, etc. You might want to consider revising it.
But anyway, Paladin was a great story and I'm excited to check out your other works. :)
3IgilixThis story was incredible. I really enjoyed it and I thought it was great, entertaining, magical, unique, and well-written. I can't believe I've already finished it-I feel like I was on chapter 18 two days ago, and I'm a little sad to have reached the end.
However, I feel like in this chapter, the ending was too sudden. Those weird mist people appeared, Aerope was vanquished, and then Jack and Albis immediately head to the party. I feel like there would be a few things happening in between, such as rounding up the dead and wounded, getting healed, etc. You might want to consider revising it.
But anyway, Paladin was a great story and I'm excited to check out your other works. :)
3/29/2014 c49 Igilix
Great chapter. I'm excited for the end, but I forget-why are they putting Marcus Comena on the throne? I thought the Oria's hated the Comenas...
Great chapter. I'm excited for the end, but I forget-why are they putting Marcus Comena on the throne? I thought the Oria's hated the Comenas...
3/26/2014 c36 Igilix
I'm kinda confused. So, this whole mist thing perplexes me but what's really the issue is all the houses. So Windrider is a daughter of a Trader and House Oria, so she's on the way to throne, am I correct? And what are they trying to do with Marcus Comena? I feel like I've missed something, but I don't know what.
Great last two chapters, btw
-Igilix
I'm kinda confused. So, this whole mist thing perplexes me but what's really the issue is all the houses. So Windrider is a daughter of a Trader and House Oria, so she's on the way to throne, am I correct? And what are they trying to do with Marcus Comena? I feel like I've missed something, but I don't know what.
Great last two chapters, btw
-Igilix
3/25/2014 c31 Igilix
This chapter was really interesting. It frustrates me that Albis won't tell Mercy what he saw in the chapel and I really hope that it's revealed soon in the story.
This chapter was really interesting. It frustrates me that Albis won't tell Mercy what he saw in the chapel and I really hope that it's revealed soon in the story.
7/22/2013 c24 jil
You should get this published its a great book.
You should get this published its a great book.
7/20/2013 c24 pacificuser
great work aunt emerald! well done! I say, well done!
great work aunt emerald! well done! I say, well done!
7/21/2013 c24 JenniferManning
I'm pretty sure I've read somewhere that you gonna bring together characters from emissary, paladin and dream of endymion together so I'll be waiting for it. Btw, I can't find CR book 3?
I'm pretty sure I've read somewhere that you gonna bring together characters from emissary, paladin and dream of endymion together so I'll be waiting for it. Btw, I can't find CR book 3?