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for The Story of Titus

9/26/2012 c1 Anxious Axolotl
Wow, interesting premise and very action packed. Shame it was so short, there were so many things I was curious about, like why he needed to take the cheapest train (which obviously wasn't very popular), where he had come from and where he was going. It was also over very quickly, so I hope later chapters are a bit longer.

Just a few minor things: [was and older form] Should be 'an' instead of 'and'. [The other occupier was a young woman,] I think 'occupant' would sound more natural in this context

Also,[ I looked out the dirtied window, resting on the sill, absorbing in the person looking back at me. Short spiked black hair, just above two deeply carved scars curved on both sides of my temple. Ironically, they resembled bullhorns. A solid golden ring hung from the septum of my nose. Two tired red eyes lined in black stared blankly back at me. I felt defeated.] was a little confusing, [absorbing in the person looking back at me.] implies the description is of the passenger. Also, if his attention is on the passenger, why did he start thinking about his own appearance? Maybe have him catch sight of himself in the window reflection or something to tie it in a little more.

You ended on quite a cliff-hanger, so I hope you update soon!

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