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9/29/2012 c1 9Highway Unicorn

This is just a prefrence, but I think it would look better if you put [Venice, Italy, 1529,Connection… 2055 Disaster] before the intro ["I want you to have this."Vince opened his hand to view a beautiful diamond. It sparkled like the ocean as it moved to this gorgeous sunset. He gently handed it into Maria's hand. She held it softly and enjoyed its beauty. It was hard for her to let go to brush her chocolate brown hair out of her face.]

To me, to have the whole setting [Venice, Italy, 1529 etc...] after that paragraph feels awkward and off. Like I said, I would like it more if it was placed after the opening paragraph.

You have an interesting plot; I always love end of the world type of stories. However, I dislike the lack of description. I think you could really add to the intensity of this type of story if you added in some detail. This chapter is mostly dialogue, and there isn't that much imagery, which can really help aid these type of stories. My suggestion is to just add on more imagery, then'll it'll be perfect. :D
9/28/2012 c1 3myheart4you
quite a fascinating story... hmmmm... i wonder where you got the name Finnick from :) Even the name Kacie lol
ANyway. Yeah. Good job.
9/28/2012 c1 Hey there
Wow. That was amazing! Can't wait for the next chapter!

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