for This one4/13/2016 c6 
2ohsocyanide
Truth be told, this had slipped my mind until I started to go back and return reviews! It didn't take long for me to pick back up though :)
I like the dynamic between Red and Dannon. You do a really great job of giving readers a sense of their relationship without telling us too much about it.
2ohsocyanideTruth be told, this had slipped my mind until I started to go back and return reviews! It didn't take long for me to pick back up though :)
I like the dynamic between Red and Dannon. You do a really great job of giving readers a sense of their relationship without telling us too much about it.
2/19/2016 c14 1FrayedNeurons
Dannon's poor mother. XD This was fun to read. The characters and setting are both interesting. I really like that Dannon seems to be an eccentric type of nobleman, going against the norms of society. However, I also like that he is still conscious of how his society views him. The fact that he tries to keep up a good appearance so society doesn't bother him makes him seem rather intelligent.
1FrayedNeuronsDannon's poor mother. XD This was fun to read. The characters and setting are both interesting. I really like that Dannon seems to be an eccentric type of nobleman, going against the norms of society. However, I also like that he is still conscious of how his society views him. The fact that he tries to keep up a good appearance so society doesn't bother him makes him seem rather intelligent.
1/4/2016 c4 2ohsocyanide
In answer to your questions:
You are doing an excellent job of flavoring their personalities through dialogue and thoughts! I really like the way you're showing us different parts of them and their personalities.
I don't think you're changing them too much or at all really, at least not at this point in the story. Overall, I think both Red and Dannon seem very natural. I am looking forward to learning more about Red and his people, though I'm sure that will come later on as I keep reading.
I'm really enjoying this so far!
ohsocyanide.
2ohsocyanideIn answer to your questions:
You are doing an excellent job of flavoring their personalities through dialogue and thoughts! I really like the way you're showing us different parts of them and their personalities.
I don't think you're changing them too much or at all really, at least not at this point in the story. Overall, I think both Red and Dannon seem very natural. I am looking forward to learning more about Red and his people, though I'm sure that will come later on as I keep reading.
I'm really enjoying this so far!
ohsocyanide.
1/4/2016 c3 ohsocyanide
The way you're characterizing Dannon is extremely concise. I am really enjoying the way you are showing his persistence and patience rather than simply telling the readers that he holds such character traits.
He's brave and he goes after what he wants, but he shows fear. That is very human of him, and it's so important to showcase that.
Good job!
ohsocyanide.
The way you're characterizing Dannon is extremely concise. I am really enjoying the way you are showing his persistence and patience rather than simply telling the readers that he holds such character traits.
He's brave and he goes after what he wants, but he shows fear. That is very human of him, and it's so important to showcase that.
Good job!
ohsocyanide.
1/4/2016 c1 ohsocyanide
Since you've been reading Call Boy and I promise to return reviews, I wanted to check out what you've written and leave some comments. :)
First of all, I just wanted to note that your English is absolutely beautiful! There are the usual differences in grammar due to nationality, but you've probably learned differently from me, which makes up for the "errors" my eye catches on. I'm choosing to ignore them, since it's mostly a fundamental difference based on author locale.
I think, for a first chapter, you have an extremely promising premise. I'm hoping to see more background for Dannon and the slave, which I'm sure will come. I'm also extremely interested in where they are from and the customs of the time as well!
You've done exceptionally well for a first chapter.
ohsocyanide.
Since you've been reading Call Boy and I promise to return reviews, I wanted to check out what you've written and leave some comments. :)
First of all, I just wanted to note that your English is absolutely beautiful! There are the usual differences in grammar due to nationality, but you've probably learned differently from me, which makes up for the "errors" my eye catches on. I'm choosing to ignore them, since it's mostly a fundamental difference based on author locale.
I think, for a first chapter, you have an extremely promising premise. I'm hoping to see more background for Dannon and the slave, which I'm sure will come. I'm also extremely interested in where they are from and the customs of the time as well!
You've done exceptionally well for a first chapter.
ohsocyanide.
6/13/2014 c14 1Ash Colored Wings
I actually really like this story and I hope you find motivation to continue writing it:)
1Ash Colored WingsI actually really like this story and I hope you find motivation to continue writing it:)
3/30/2013 c14 4Angel Hertz
Fryvi... :) I love the story and you know it, but it's still your story so you can do whatever. We'd still appreciate your decision. :D
- Jade
Yeah. We're supporting you in this.
- Jason
4Angel HertzFryvi... :) I love the story and you know it, but it's still your story so you can do whatever. We'd still appreciate your decision. :D
- Jade
Yeah. We're supporting you in this.
- Jason
2/14/2013 c14 2CainynAJLB
to be honest im loving this maybe you should simply edit the chapters one by one rather then restarting, save yourself time and energy but still get the desired result.
2CainynAJLBto be honest im loving this maybe you should simply edit the chapters one by one rather then restarting, save yourself time and energy but still get the desired result.
2/2/2013 c14 MaddieRawr354
Aw, why don't you like it?
For me it was another great chapter, well put together and lovely.
Whatever you may choose, I'll try to stick around because I do think you're an amazing writer.
Aw, why don't you like it?
For me it was another great chapter, well put together and lovely.
Whatever you may choose, I'll try to stick around because I do think you're an amazing writer.
1/31/2013 c14 3Epic F. Awesomesauce
Oh, I hope that you don't delete it! DX Sorry, you can if you want though, I know how writing is. :(
3Epic F. AwesomesauceOh, I hope that you don't delete it! DX Sorry, you can if you want though, I know how writing is. :(
1/9/2013 c10 Epic F. Awesomesauce
I'm just really wondering why Dannon doesn't like being touched right now, for some reason, though I get the feeling it's part of a huge backstory and all that goodness. (That's how it is when my characters are like that.)
I'm just really wondering why Dannon doesn't like being touched right now, for some reason, though I get the feeling it's part of a huge backstory and all that goodness. (That's how it is when my characters are like that.)
1/9/2013 c9 Epic F. Awesomesauce
I would say something about a summary, but I'm no good at them myself, sshhhoo... DX
I would say something about a summary, but I'm no good at them myself, sshhhoo... DX