Just In
for In Light Dement

10/15/2012 c1 7agrinandherfears
I think your piece was extremely well-done, very minimalistic but with a powerful implication behind it. The end hit me the hardest, since the scream is quite unexpected, mostly because you suddenly throw in a harsh verb at the end of so many nouns and adjectives - and that works beautifully to tie it all together. The dread of the birth was a very interesting concept you played up.

Great work. :)
10/3/2012 c1 2Redz
Wow, this was great. I love how you describe the 'first life', still and peaceful and waiting. And I think it's pretty believable that a baby being born might feel like this, if xe could put it into words. Good luck on the WCC too ;) I really loved this piece.
10/3/2012 c1 14RinaJewelz
Love this piece. Great job & good luck with the WCC
10/2/2012 c1 25Aistaraina
It makes me think of the experience a baby might have of being born. I really like the flow of it; it suits the writing style very well. Also I enjoyed the simplicity of it. You didn't bog us down with too many words or decriptions. If this is about a child being born, then the child's thoughts would most likely be similar to this because they wouldn't know anything else or how to describe their existence any other way. I especially like the last two sentences. I think they convey the two different sides of birth, the joy the people who have been waiting for the birth feel and the fright that an infant feels.
10/2/2012 c1 43LuckycoolHawk9
I liked how the story ended since it ties witht the month's prompt. The charcter knows they ahve entered hell in a sense and it is epic. I disliked the shortness, it seemed you were trying to tell so little so not to give too much away. it made it feel rushed...decent story though.
10/2/2012 c1 19Anihyr Moonstar
Loved the ending. It read along very smoothly - poetic, almost - but I didn't know where we where, what the world being presented was. It was a sort of slow build-up, trying to place myself as it went along, and then when I got to the end I grinned and had to go back to the start to re-read with my new found knowledge. Perfectly compiled. Very nice job. :)

- Moonstar
10/2/2012 c1 Geeky and Proud
Took me a few readings to get it, but me likey :) Not what I'd normally read, but y'know. Good to change sometimes :)

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