for I Guess I Wanted You More3/25/2013 c1 
7Kaitlyn.Marie
"...get in trouble to get a a laugh." You have a double letter.
Yours is short and sweet as well, though if you decide to edit it, a suggestion of mine is to flesh out the feelings a little bit. You tell a lot of things, explain them. But you don't pull in how it makes "me" feel. Not enough for my taste anyway.
Great job though! :)
7Kaitlyn.Marie"...get in trouble to get a a laugh." You have a double letter.
Yours is short and sweet as well, though if you decide to edit it, a suggestion of mine is to flesh out the feelings a little bit. You tell a lot of things, explain them. But you don't pull in how it makes "me" feel. Not enough for my taste anyway.
Great job though! :)
3/21/2013 c1 69Shadowswept
I admire your courage. Most of us will always wonder what if, but you know.
I like the way you wrote this piece. It is direct and clear. I also like your descriptions-the smile under blue braces, the eyes light and soft.
You said a lot with few words. Great job!
That guy missed out.
69ShadowsweptI admire your courage. Most of us will always wonder what if, but you know.
I like the way you wrote this piece. It is direct and clear. I also like your descriptions-the smile under blue braces, the eyes light and soft.
You said a lot with few words. Great job!
That guy missed out.
3/14/2013 c1 15LucienMaier
there is alot of emotion here. That is good many authors starting have a hard time laying their soul on the page. But if you want to create something really good that is where you have to start.
I would have like to see more a of a resolve in the piece. The end leaves you hanging a bit
15LucienMaierthere is alot of emotion here. That is good many authors starting have a hard time laying their soul on the page. But if you want to create something really good that is where you have to start.
I would have like to see more a of a resolve in the piece. The end leaves you hanging a bit
3/4/2013 c1 8M. Soames
An interesting piece, although I don't think it's interesting for the sake of "emotion" (which over-saturates most of the work on this site); the text reads in an apostrophic and structurally peculiar way, all the while coolly parsing out action and motivation.
In the first place, personal pronouns abound. Given the subject, it's to be expected. But the curious trick is the qualifiers which help set off the first three paragraphs - "I'm SO sorry," "I TRULY didn't want," "I REALLY liked." The speaker qualifies verbs in order to reinforce their efficacy. Why? To strengthen sentiment, which is to simplify something underpinned by an intricate logic, the rational reflection of thwarted desire.
The action moves well. Again, there is an intricacy to it, in its order of recollections. Always quaint to realize after a time those projections of the future from the past, and why they were originally posited.
On further inspection, a mirrored structure appears, correlating paragraphs 1 & 6, 2 & 5, 3 & 4. The pertinent sections of paragraphs 3 & 4: "I thought you loved me, at least a little bit," "Though I shouldn't have told you that I loved you." 2 & 5: "I truly didn't want to scare you away," "Call me anti-social, but talkative people bother me so bad."
The first and final short, one-sentence paragraphs bookend the piece like a riddle: "I'm so sorry," "I guess I wanted you more..." AND that ellipsis at the end! The tone of that final statement uncertain, as if the entirety of the piece were a mere moment, and the ellipsis the "coming back up for air," the resumption of life and the continuation of a time moving around the speaker, the boy, even the boy's inconvenient and talkative girlfriend, and their school. All of that possibility in three tiny dots clinging to the bottom of their line.
A meritorious "reflection," personally and structurally? I think it is, "emotion" be damned!
8M. SoamesAn interesting piece, although I don't think it's interesting for the sake of "emotion" (which over-saturates most of the work on this site); the text reads in an apostrophic and structurally peculiar way, all the while coolly parsing out action and motivation.
In the first place, personal pronouns abound. Given the subject, it's to be expected. But the curious trick is the qualifiers which help set off the first three paragraphs - "I'm SO sorry," "I TRULY didn't want," "I REALLY liked." The speaker qualifies verbs in order to reinforce their efficacy. Why? To strengthen sentiment, which is to simplify something underpinned by an intricate logic, the rational reflection of thwarted desire.
The action moves well. Again, there is an intricacy to it, in its order of recollections. Always quaint to realize after a time those projections of the future from the past, and why they were originally posited.
On further inspection, a mirrored structure appears, correlating paragraphs 1 & 6, 2 & 5, 3 & 4. The pertinent sections of paragraphs 3 & 4: "I thought you loved me, at least a little bit," "Though I shouldn't have told you that I loved you." 2 & 5: "I truly didn't want to scare you away," "Call me anti-social, but talkative people bother me so bad."
The first and final short, one-sentence paragraphs bookend the piece like a riddle: "I'm so sorry," "I guess I wanted you more..." AND that ellipsis at the end! The tone of that final statement uncertain, as if the entirety of the piece were a mere moment, and the ellipsis the "coming back up for air," the resumption of life and the continuation of a time moving around the speaker, the boy, even the boy's inconvenient and talkative girlfriend, and their school. All of that possibility in three tiny dots clinging to the bottom of their line.
A meritorious "reflection," personally and structurally? I think it is, "emotion" be damned!
2/2/2013 c1 3myheart4you
Urrgh, this was really emotional. I have trouble with throwing emotion in there, so I'm jealous of you. This was really good, I appreciated it a lot. I've felt this way many times.
3myheart4youUrrgh, this was really emotional. I have trouble with throwing emotion in there, so I'm jealous of you. This was really good, I appreciated it a lot. I've felt this way many times.
1/29/2013 c1 49The Reverse Edge Blade
This is nice! You've simply written down thoughts and experiences from an incident It was blunt, honest and not many people can write down something like this and just put it out on the web. That takes courage!
Keep writing!
The Reverse Edge Blade
49The Reverse Edge BladeThis is nice! You've simply written down thoughts and experiences from an incident It was blunt, honest and not many people can write down something like this and just put it out on the web. That takes courage!
Keep writing!
The Reverse Edge Blade
1/20/2013 c1 51Luna's Child
This was a very emotional peace, not in the sense where it made me want to cry, but that I could understand how the girl felt as if I were in her place. Excellent job at accomplishing this.
51Luna's ChildThis was a very emotional peace, not in the sense where it made me want to cry, but that I could understand how the girl felt as if I were in her place. Excellent job at accomplishing this.
12/23/2012 c1 7LovelySocks
Ahh. I feel like this is something I could say "Welcome to my world" about, even though I've never been in anything close to love. Relatable, in some way. It's simple and well-written, with a steady heartbeat and captivating details. Great opening line, killer closing line. Good job organising it.
7LovelySocksAhh. I feel like this is something I could say "Welcome to my world" about, even though I've never been in anything close to love. Relatable, in some way. It's simple and well-written, with a steady heartbeat and captivating details. Great opening line, killer closing line. Good job organising it.
12/23/2012 c1 2MichelleEA
That is exactly how I felt about someone I used to like, and still kind of do! The way you described him is exactly how I would have put it for my old crush.
2MichelleEAThat is exactly how I felt about someone I used to like, and still kind of do! The way you described him is exactly how I would have put it for my old crush.
12/19/2012 c1 5Fizzy Bath Bomb
great, close to tears once again. this is sooo good, a piece of advice that I read somewhere:
don't cry over someone that won't cry over you.
I guess that's easy for me to say and don't understand, at least not fully, but just think about it.
anyhoos that was great and I hope things work out for you.
Fizzy : )
5Fizzy Bath Bombgreat, close to tears once again. this is sooo good, a piece of advice that I read somewhere:
don't cry over someone that won't cry over you.
I guess that's easy for me to say and don't understand, at least not fully, but just think about it.
anyhoos that was great and I hope things work out for you.
Fizzy : )
11/9/2012 c1 6yoruichiparamour
I liked that _ 5/5 stars! i dont like people who talk too much either...
6yoruichiparamourI liked that _ 5/5 stars! i dont like people who talk too much either...