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for Kingdom Come

1/19/2013 c1 58Inkspilled
Hello, I owe you a depth from ages ago, which is no good, so I'm here to fix that. Hopefully something here helps!

Characters: Great characterization. From the very start I had a clear idea of who these two were. They each had a distinct voice, which is even more difficult to achieve when there are no dialogue tags.

Plot: The plot, or concept is not overused. There were no cliches, and you presented the world in a way that stayed true to these characters. I like the twist you put on it by showing us a dystopia through the eyes of those that benefit from it and have a chance of coming out all the better for it.

Spelling/Grammar: A few things I wanted to point out, though they're not necessarily mistakes, just notes.
"I always figured there'd be a great *wall* of pictures on my dad's living room *wall*" - to me, it seemed a little repetitive and redundant. Consider changing the second half to "in my dad's living room".
"Not all practical" - is it supposed to be "not at all practical"? I stumbled here, but I'm not sure if that was intentional.

Overall: I enjoyed this story. I like the dialogue-only method you used because it revealed this world through different eyes, and without any hackneyed doom and gloom. These two like the opportunity the post-apocalyptic world presents, it evens out the playing field. And, I also loved the ending. It's a nice little conclusive bonus, "don't forget your shotgun". I enjoyed it, and I think you pulled off this type of story quite nicely by using strong voice. :)
12/18/2012 c1 ho ho ho
This was an interesting little thing, but I have to say that I wish there was more than just a conversation. I felt like it was hard to really get a feel of the people and where they were when it was just their words and nothing else. I had to also read it a few times to make sure I was reading it right between the two.
Overall it was ok, but I would have liked a bit more.
11/11/2012 c1 4Lolitroy
Nice... the only thing that disatracted me was the ' things instead of letters .
11/9/2012 c1 43LuckycoolHawk9
I liked how well the conversation runs because it feels a little a weird without dialogue tags but it works. I however dislike the lack or rather the story is all dialogue because I have no way to relate to the characters or even know them.
11/9/2012 c1 3kedros
because it's all dialogue and there are no names mentioned, i found it rather hard to follow and boring to read.
there's little mystery going on, just two people talking about a dream or something. that's why i don't like short stories. at most you can share an idea of how you see something about the world, but this seems like a piece plukked out of a story, with no real content.

sorry if i sound hard on it but this piece on it's own i wouldnt read twice.
11/7/2012 c1 15InfamousDaydream
Fun to read, liked the idea behind it!

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