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for Lack of Distinction

12/6/2012 c1 precious1075
Damn. Way to begin a story! Already hooked. The descriptive devices and your use of metaphors and symbology is perfect. Even from the first sentence.

'Fairly normal human and stretched him out.'
The imagery for this is...wow!

Summary
Great job of keeping the reader unsettled about the story and the main character. You take your reader from being sympathetic to fearing him. In mere seconds! The reader is torn between thinking of him as benign and then he turns almost...malignant. The reader isn't sure which opinion of the character is the right one. Just in the first few paragraphs, he goes from vicious words to being held securely in a room; the afro to almost stretched out and the sharp teeth. And then this new character. A child and you leave a sense of foreboding for this new character, especially from the one still secured. At first read, the new character leaves a foreboding chill in the reader. Especially compared to our nemesis. (From what I have read so far.) Okay, wow! Your description of this almost-man sounds vaguely familiar. I wonder why? Hmmmm. Amazing job in your ability to describe him perfectly with absolutely no reason to think it is unnecessary. The description, of both characters is neither too little or too much. Sometimes it distracts from a story and the line between what's too much and what's not enough is hard to navigate. You, however have no problem when it comes to this! Amazing. I also love the dialog between the two and the way they are arguing over ethical Scientific behavior. Ahh the little robot is too cute. Alright, the character that is anti-robot is starting to get on my nerves. I sense the author is very pro-Artificial Life Form-not real thrilled with behavior of others who discount other life forms if they are not 100 percent human. The prisoner is definitely biased when it comes to Alternate life forms. And again, I love the give and take as they firmly discuss the captive's reasons for trying to use Science and the way he is trying to convince his captor to free him by explaining about them not being so different . To which the captor describes his recent activity. Too GOOD!

OMG-HIS PUNISHMENT? HILARIOUS! I loved this little story. Perfect job! LOVED IT!

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