for The Do-Gooder7/11/2013 c17 displacedfemale
Oh my gosh what a great chapter!
So much happened in such a small amount of time. We learnt so much about Lara and had the soft hugely caring side of Fletch reinforced.
The way you wrote Lara unravelling, quite significantly, was beautiful. Where some would have it as a big blow out with the obvious being stated and home truths being screamed, you opted for a somewhat understated unravelling, Lara still kept something of her composure and control, stopping her nervous hands from twisting her skirt, refusing to leave her mark on her brothers room even though she has every right to and no one would think any less of her, having Fletch stop by the lights but not saying why until she'd already gotten both him and her carrying out her routine for example. It was just so well done.
She let her guards way down, talking not only about Donny but also about how alone and vulnerable she felt, how she needed something to remind her and make her believe that she was still there and still mattered, totally opening up to Fletch, whether through choice after bottling it all in for so long or because she was drunk and a little less in control than she'd like to admit.
I like that you managed to get across how difficult this process was for Fletch and how his acceptance of the Donny situation and his willingness to talk about their friendship was painful and I loved how you had Fletch understand some of the things Lara never said but seemingly needed more than anything.
You write so beautifully and so in depth that I can almost see it all playing out in front of me which sounds weird but I really do. I'm going to be a little torn when this is finished, I'm curious as to how its all going to play out but also I'm going to be hugely disappointed that its all over and done with.
Gushy, super long review, sorry!
Oh my gosh what a great chapter!
So much happened in such a small amount of time. We learnt so much about Lara and had the soft hugely caring side of Fletch reinforced.
The way you wrote Lara unravelling, quite significantly, was beautiful. Where some would have it as a big blow out with the obvious being stated and home truths being screamed, you opted for a somewhat understated unravelling, Lara still kept something of her composure and control, stopping her nervous hands from twisting her skirt, refusing to leave her mark on her brothers room even though she has every right to and no one would think any less of her, having Fletch stop by the lights but not saying why until she'd already gotten both him and her carrying out her routine for example. It was just so well done.
She let her guards way down, talking not only about Donny but also about how alone and vulnerable she felt, how she needed something to remind her and make her believe that she was still there and still mattered, totally opening up to Fletch, whether through choice after bottling it all in for so long or because she was drunk and a little less in control than she'd like to admit.
I like that you managed to get across how difficult this process was for Fletch and how his acceptance of the Donny situation and his willingness to talk about their friendship was painful and I loved how you had Fletch understand some of the things Lara never said but seemingly needed more than anything.
You write so beautifully and so in depth that I can almost see it all playing out in front of me which sounds weird but I really do. I'm going to be a little torn when this is finished, I'm curious as to how its all going to play out but also I'm going to be hugely disappointed that its all over and done with.
Gushy, super long review, sorry!
7/11/2013 c17 
2TwoWriteAway
Wow, you always know the right lines to end a chapter, but this one was really good. I love this story and I can't wait to see how it ends (and what blows up first, cause we all know that the conflict needs to be stirred up some more. Lara couldn't live with herself if she left things all peaceful like).
I also really admire your vocabulary. You just have such a knack for using rare or complex words so fluidly in your stories, and I'm always picking a few up. Your writing just gets better and better, so keep it up.
2TwoWriteAwayWow, you always know the right lines to end a chapter, but this one was really good. I love this story and I can't wait to see how it ends (and what blows up first, cause we all know that the conflict needs to be stirred up some more. Lara couldn't live with herself if she left things all peaceful like).
I also really admire your vocabulary. You just have such a knack for using rare or complex words so fluidly in your stories, and I'm always picking a few up. Your writing just gets better and better, so keep it up.
7/11/2013 c17 5This.Texta.Is.Blue
Bah Humbug! If you weren't as emotionally drained writing this as i am reading it, you're officially the best writer that has ever written in the history of the world.
First off, let me just say brava! And that i feel like a real jerk for saying that Lara doesn't really have any depth in the before chapter. Because you sure as hell addressed the heck out of that issue. Talk about depth, in a completely unique way too. The whole pedestrian light thing? Amazing. Something so simple, but so completely insane that it fit Lara to a T. It was quite honestly brilliant.
It was a little darker and deeper than you normally delve into, which was perfect for this story because i feel like this story is a bit more gritty than what you usually tend to write about (and do well in both). It left me with a small tear in my eye which hasn't happened in so long it was refreshing just to be moved by a good piece of writing.
Few grammatical errors, but ones that a lot of people don't notice, or know about because they're not nazis like me. Also, i kind of feel that they really went well with the whole piece as a whole. It was Lara's inner workings, she was drunk and more vulnerable thus her thoughts aren't as finesse and put together as they usually are.
You know what? Screw that, it was good. Like really really awesome fanatically good. And I'm actually trying to word this review really carefully, because i feel like i'm seconds away from hardcore fan-girling out and just blurting out that i just fucking loved the whole thing and just can i eat your brain so i can write as awesomely as you or just want to be your best friend.
Obviously too late. Ha.
You should be proud of this!
Have a good one.
5This.Texta.Is.BlueBah Humbug! If you weren't as emotionally drained writing this as i am reading it, you're officially the best writer that has ever written in the history of the world.
First off, let me just say brava! And that i feel like a real jerk for saying that Lara doesn't really have any depth in the before chapter. Because you sure as hell addressed the heck out of that issue. Talk about depth, in a completely unique way too. The whole pedestrian light thing? Amazing. Something so simple, but so completely insane that it fit Lara to a T. It was quite honestly brilliant.
It was a little darker and deeper than you normally delve into, which was perfect for this story because i feel like this story is a bit more gritty than what you usually tend to write about (and do well in both). It left me with a small tear in my eye which hasn't happened in so long it was refreshing just to be moved by a good piece of writing.
Few grammatical errors, but ones that a lot of people don't notice, or know about because they're not nazis like me. Also, i kind of feel that they really went well with the whole piece as a whole. It was Lara's inner workings, she was drunk and more vulnerable thus her thoughts aren't as finesse and put together as they usually are.
You know what? Screw that, it was good. Like really really awesome fanatically good. And I'm actually trying to word this review really carefully, because i feel like i'm seconds away from hardcore fan-girling out and just blurting out that i just fucking loved the whole thing and just can i eat your brain so i can write as awesomely as you or just want to be your best friend.
Obviously too late. Ha.
You should be proud of this!
Have a good one.
7/10/2013 c17 2WhenAllSeemsDark
I am not ashamed to admit that I cried when I read this chapter. Finally being able to see some deeper emotions from Lara was great. The moment she talked about the pedestrian light practically ripped me apart! (in a good way) I love the fact that Fletch so obviously cares about Lara; you can't help but to fall in love with him!
You are the JK Rowling of fictionpress, star123! I can't wait for the next update!
2WhenAllSeemsDarkI am not ashamed to admit that I cried when I read this chapter. Finally being able to see some deeper emotions from Lara was great. The moment she talked about the pedestrian light practically ripped me apart! (in a good way) I love the fact that Fletch so obviously cares about Lara; you can't help but to fall in love with him!
You are the JK Rowling of fictionpress, star123! I can't wait for the next update!
7/10/2013 c17 Choukou
I love all of the background in this and how vulnerable Lara made herself to Fletch. One can only hope she doesn't revert totally back to her guarded self with Fletch. But not too much; being prickly is a Lara trademark :)
I love all of the background in this and how vulnerable Lara made herself to Fletch. One can only hope she doesn't revert totally back to her guarded self with Fletch. But not too much; being prickly is a Lara trademark :)
7/10/2013 c17 2auroraglider
This chapter was so emotionally challenging. I felt so much sympathy for Lara, her Mom Fletch and everyone suffering from the untimely death of Donny. On the other hand, the sadness I felt for them, (as well as the tears I couldn't help shed while reading this) gradually evaporated to a much more acceptable feeling of contentment and understanding. Bravo to Fletch for having the ability to see past Lara's tough outer shell and care enough to comfort or actually understand that her suffering comes from more than just guilt of not being with Donny when he passed. The last sentence of this chapter really shows how much he loves and cares for Lara.
2auroragliderThis chapter was so emotionally challenging. I felt so much sympathy for Lara, her Mom Fletch and everyone suffering from the untimely death of Donny. On the other hand, the sadness I felt for them, (as well as the tears I couldn't help shed while reading this) gradually evaporated to a much more acceptable feeling of contentment and understanding. Bravo to Fletch for having the ability to see past Lara's tough outer shell and care enough to comfort or actually understand that her suffering comes from more than just guilt of not being with Donny when he passed. The last sentence of this chapter really shows how much he loves and cares for Lara.
7/10/2013 c17 PC
That was some deep stuff. I'm still kind of reeling from all the emotions, and that part where Lara was explaining how she felt forgotten and came to press on pedestrian lane buttons was especially beautiful. I was on the edge of my seat, drinking in every word and thinking, "shit, this girl needs a hug. Or a million. From Fletch."
Haha, kidding aside, this was an exceptionally written chapter. I love how you gave us these tidbits on Donny, about who he was or what he'd done or how he'd affected the people around him. I love how Fletch was his rock and now, Lara's, how he supported her without smothering her. I love Lara's mum, who is so understanding and broken and hopeful. At her dad, I'm more disappointed than angry; it seemed so incredibly harsh of him to leave his family behind just when they were at their most vulnerable. Finally, Lara. God, Lara. I just really love her.
Anyway, I have to get back to studying, but I really couldn't leave without reviewing. Stay awesome. Cheers! :)
That was some deep stuff. I'm still kind of reeling from all the emotions, and that part where Lara was explaining how she felt forgotten and came to press on pedestrian lane buttons was especially beautiful. I was on the edge of my seat, drinking in every word and thinking, "shit, this girl needs a hug. Or a million. From Fletch."
Haha, kidding aside, this was an exceptionally written chapter. I love how you gave us these tidbits on Donny, about who he was or what he'd done or how he'd affected the people around him. I love how Fletch was his rock and now, Lara's, how he supported her without smothering her. I love Lara's mum, who is so understanding and broken and hopeful. At her dad, I'm more disappointed than angry; it seemed so incredibly harsh of him to leave his family behind just when they were at their most vulnerable. Finally, Lara. God, Lara. I just really love her.
Anyway, I have to get back to studying, but I really couldn't leave without reviewing. Stay awesome. Cheers! :)
7/10/2013 c17 thefirmandseduced
Hi Jess,
I've been reading your story for a while and have never written a review, but this chapter definitely prompted a response. I was really, genuinely moved by it. I think your different portraits of people dealing with grief really ring true. The bit with the pedestrian light and the way Lara describes her crying as "biological" is really profound and gut-wrenching. I look for authenticity and originality when I read stories and I see it in every chapter of this one.
I also love your characters, especially Fletch. He is such a comforting presence on the page, and really refreshing take on the "young adult" male protagonist.
Your writing reads so well; it's charmingly colloquial but you clearly have great knowledge and control of the English language!
Cannot WAIT to read more. Great job.
Ally
Hi Jess,
I've been reading your story for a while and have never written a review, but this chapter definitely prompted a response. I was really, genuinely moved by it. I think your different portraits of people dealing with grief really ring true. The bit with the pedestrian light and the way Lara describes her crying as "biological" is really profound and gut-wrenching. I look for authenticity and originality when I read stories and I see it in every chapter of this one.
I also love your characters, especially Fletch. He is such a comforting presence on the page, and really refreshing take on the "young adult" male protagonist.
Your writing reads so well; it's charmingly colloquial but you clearly have great knowledge and control of the English language!
Cannot WAIT to read more. Great job.
Ally
7/10/2013 c17 barca
this is the most amazingly beautiful story and i am so in love with it. this chapter was so moving and emotional and so different. i want lara to be less of a bitch to fletch now and be more open but i know it would be completely out of character. anyway it got me very emotional and i may re-read it soon. please update soon cant wait for another chapter, your really are gifted
this is the most amazingly beautiful story and i am so in love with it. this chapter was so moving and emotional and so different. i want lara to be less of a bitch to fletch now and be more open but i know it would be completely out of character. anyway it got me very emotional and i may re-read it soon. please update soon cant wait for another chapter, your really are gifted
7/9/2013 c17 Melissa
Oh my god, I just finished reading this chapter and I'm crying. It was SO GOOOOD! A traffic light has never been so beautifully heartbreaking to me in my whole life.
Reading this story, for me, is like waiting for your favorite show every week on tv and then having every episode be so freaking amazing that you can't believe it, and then you're dying after it's over anxious for next week! Part of me wants to hold out until you write a couple chapters so I have more to read at a time, but I'm too weak and can't wait AT ALL for more. Seriously you write beautifully. You have such real perspective of human emotions that I feel like I'm there watching this unfold and, in spite of only getting a chapter at a time, completely forget this is a story. Are you sure Lara and Fletch aren't real? I want to meet them :)
Thanks for another awesome chapter!
Oh my god, I just finished reading this chapter and I'm crying. It was SO GOOOOD! A traffic light has never been so beautifully heartbreaking to me in my whole life.
Reading this story, for me, is like waiting for your favorite show every week on tv and then having every episode be so freaking amazing that you can't believe it, and then you're dying after it's over anxious for next week! Part of me wants to hold out until you write a couple chapters so I have more to read at a time, but I'm too weak and can't wait AT ALL for more. Seriously you write beautifully. You have such real perspective of human emotions that I feel like I'm there watching this unfold and, in spite of only getting a chapter at a time, completely forget this is a story. Are you sure Lara and Fletch aren't real? I want to meet them :)
Thanks for another awesome chapter!
7/9/2013 c17 4Madame Jenn
You're seriously the best. Finding out all these bits and pieces to see what makes Lara tick is amazing. I didn't like Lara at first, but you make it so hard to hate her BECAUSE SHE ALREADY HATES HERSELF ENOUGH! Amazing job.
4Madame JennYou're seriously the best. Finding out all these bits and pieces to see what makes Lara tick is amazing. I didn't like Lara at first, but you make it so hard to hate her BECAUSE SHE ALREADY HATES HERSELF ENOUGH! Amazing job.
7/9/2013 c17 2asianinvasion0530
Omg this is probably my favorite chapter from this story so far! It was so interesting to see Lara with her walls down and to finally understand what she's been through and why she acts so tough when really she's vulnerable inside. I especially loved that traffic light bit! See, chapters like this are why you are one of my favorite authors - you know how to write well and make the readers FEEL the emotions of your characters!
2asianinvasion0530Omg this is probably my favorite chapter from this story so far! It was so interesting to see Lara with her walls down and to finally understand what she's been through and why she acts so tough when really she's vulnerable inside. I especially loved that traffic light bit! See, chapters like this are why you are one of my favorite authors - you know how to write well and make the readers FEEL the emotions of your characters!
7/9/2013 c17 1HeartsOfDiamonds
This chapter is so heartbreaking. I love the many layers you give Lara and how Fletch can always see through her. I honestly can't wait to read the rest of this story! Please update soon! x
1HeartsOfDiamondsThis chapter is so heartbreaking. I love the many layers you give Lara and how Fletch can always see through her. I honestly can't wait to read the rest of this story! Please update soon! x