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for Remember the IV

8/26/2016 c1 Edhla
Love it - profound, clever, gently funny xx
1/6/2015 c1 EasyPZ
Did you have your appendix out? I had mine out this past year.
5/6/2014 c1 123A Fire Rose
Hi, there! You reviewed "Antique Papers" for me a while back, so I decided to review this! The rhythm seemed a little disjointed because I automatically start a new sentence in my mind with each line. Loved the description of the "shy, bluish vein" and I totally agree with the sentiment of IVs. I can also relate to that thought of "Man, maybe a cold would be a nice vacation" until something happens and you regret it!
2/10/2013 c1 msmtnest
Many of us can relate to this experience, captured in exquisite detail and from a distinct perspective.
1/26/2013 c1 58Inkspilled
I liked the first two stanzas. They came across as insightful, and the whole poem overall worked nicely. I liked the tone of the piece overall, too- singular, solemn and thoughtful. I didn't like some of the line breaks in the last two stanzas. Some lines were cut off before I would have liked, which made reading them a little choppy. For example, "And the needle rests in one of those irresistible veins
in your hand, "
"So when a hospital again feels like a poor man's substitute
for a vacation,"
I almost feel like you could remove "in your hand" and move "for a vacation" up to the line above it.
1/21/2013 c1 16RisanF
I think I understand a little how a hospital stay can seem like a change of pace. But then, I like clean, sterile surroundings like hospitals and office buildings. I don't wish illness on myself, but I do think respite is where you find it. I also think that leaving cramped surroundings (like a hospital) and going back home after a few days can feel like a vacation.
1/2/2013 c1 20Skyward Ending
I liked the subject matter-most stories with needles or hospital stays involve either drugs or terminal/serious illness, so I appreciated the change of pace. However, it was rather prosaic; a lot of the line breaks didn't appeal to me. I guess it's only a matter of personal preference, to favor poems that don't read out in full sentences like you did here. I did like the images ("shy, bluish vein") and some of your phrases ("you begin to think wistfully/of sanitary confinement", "the offering in the crook of your arm", and the second-to-last line) and the occasional rhyme, especially at the end.
12/23/2012 c1 12ahorizonforthenewbirds
I like how you say that having these type of negative thoughts isn't good, that if they happened we wouldn't be very happy. It's like when you want to steal something just to see if you would get caught... Not a very good idea lol
I adore the description, the third stanza made me cringe because I could imagine the sting of needles. It's very nicely done.
I think you need to work on the flow - the first stanza, last line, seemed odd when I was reading it. It didn't roll smoothly as it should, so try shortening it.
Also, where did your full stops/periods go? I think it would be more effective if you used a period in some places, it would add emphasis.
Overall it's easy to relate to and imagine, good job!
12/20/2012 c1 2EternalKnight1
I really liked your descriptions in this poem. It makes it more visual. One thing I disliked though, was how it doesn't flow as well in some places. I made it a bit harder to read. Like "Where it will longer hurt than the site," It would be a lot smoother if you connected it with the line underneath. I'm a offender of the flow of the lines. Overall, it was an amazing poem that one could easily relate to.
12/19/2012 c1 5Flame Within Ice
This poem gave me chills (that's a good thing). The way you display the rising thought is well done. The comparison to wondering what it would feel like to fly fits perfectly. The warning you pass against these kinds of thoughts puts emphasis on the bad things that will result upon doing this to yourself. I think most people generally do have fleeting thoughts like this often-what it would be like to steal something, what would happen if you did this, etc.-and you point out the dangers of thinking this way neatly. The poem as a whole serves as both art and advice, which I found nice.

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