for Checkmate12/20/2012 c1 
1TequilaMockingbird19
I think this is a really good start! I think it's pretty eye-catching and the imagery used in this chapter was good. it wasn't overloaded with details nor did it seem to have a lack of description.
[The two ran out of the forest... They made their way out of the forest] I think the word 'forest' made it sound a bit redundant.
[away from the mysterious hole... To forget it was ever part of their lives.] I would've preferred hole and to to be separated by a - instead of a period.
I do hope you continue this and I hope it makes more than just a little twist off Alice in Wonderland. Anway. Good chapter!
1TequilaMockingbird19I think this is a really good start! I think it's pretty eye-catching and the imagery used in this chapter was good. it wasn't overloaded with details nor did it seem to have a lack of description.
[The two ran out of the forest... They made their way out of the forest] I think the word 'forest' made it sound a bit redundant.
[away from the mysterious hole... To forget it was ever part of their lives.] I would've preferred hole and to to be separated by a - instead of a period.
I do hope you continue this and I hope it makes more than just a little twist off Alice in Wonderland. Anway. Good chapter!