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for The List Poem

12/19/2012 c1 11Kay Iscah
"i" on its lonesome is always capitalized.

I like the simplicity of the image you've created, but I think you might get better punch with shorter phrases and less repition. Since you've called it the list poem, I'd treat it more like a list...


too many things
in a shiny black case
photographic memories
after-thoughts of indulgent trips
ripped and fading
paper as fragile as a secret
buried lies
borrowed ink
tangled words
formless thoughts
glossy white
blue pages authored by escapism
loose noose
things left half finished, half burned
too many things
things I want
things I have
things I might leave behind.

(I am not a great poet, just playing with the format.)
12/19/2012 c1 2Ghost Divsion
I don't normally read poetry, so what I say probably will be way off base, but the poem isn't bad. Everyone is attached strongly to something, wether it be paper or women. Your poem does a good job expressing the connections you have with your possessions, which is vital to a piece like this. I also like the words you used to describe the things themselves, even though near the end the detail becomes kind of fuzzy.
12/19/2012 c1 13The Queen of Fairyland
Perfect. Beautiful. From the first letter to the one and only punctuation mark, this was a good piece.

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