
8/21/2013 c1
2Syneia
I thought this was very sweetly written. It can seem a little laborious at times with all the "and"'s but its a good base to start none the less. I felt it could have been more descriptive, but I very much like descriptive stories so its a bit of a personal thing I guess. I think you need to improve on your punctuation a bit too, the lack of it makes for some very long sentences. The addition of fullstops and commas will do this story the power of good :)

I thought this was very sweetly written. It can seem a little laborious at times with all the "and"'s but its a good base to start none the less. I felt it could have been more descriptive, but I very much like descriptive stories so its a bit of a personal thing I guess. I think you need to improve on your punctuation a bit too, the lack of it makes for some very long sentences. The addition of fullstops and commas will do this story the power of good :)
5/5/2013 c1 Wickedforlife
This is beautiful. If i ever find the time ill do a word by word analysis. First,i love the concept that shrle never smiles, not even for her father. It was so sweet when jacob said he wanted to make her then when she ran away i was shocked. Why did she hate him? Did she have issues with her father? How did u come up with the reason? Why does she like the son of posiden better than jacob? Is he more attractive? Does she have history with jacob? Does she not like jacob because she was focred to marry him? Does that go into her daddy issues which may or may not exist? What does she look like? If she was a child of hespastus how was she a grandaughter of aphrodite?does that mean shes kinda slutty? Or is aphrodite more abou control and desire, as posiden boy said? Is the cross supposed to be religious?Where will she go? WILL JACOB CATCH HER? IS SHE HUMAN? EEEEEK I CANT WAIT TO FIND OUT!
This is beautiful. If i ever find the time ill do a word by word analysis. First,i love the concept that shrle never smiles, not even for her father. It was so sweet when jacob said he wanted to make her then when she ran away i was shocked. Why did she hate him? Did she have issues with her father? How did u come up with the reason? Why does she like the son of posiden better than jacob? Is he more attractive? Does she have history with jacob? Does she not like jacob because she was focred to marry him? Does that go into her daddy issues which may or may not exist? What does she look like? If she was a child of hespastus how was she a grandaughter of aphrodite?does that mean shes kinda slutty? Or is aphrodite more abou control and desire, as posiden boy said? Is the cross supposed to be religious?Where will she go? WILL JACOB CATCH HER? IS SHE HUMAN? EEEEEK I CANT WAIT TO FIND OUT!