for All Faces are Alike1/7/2015 c7 PalindromePen
Yay! An update! It's been awhile, eh? :) Just a little correction; it says, "Alana turns to Dragonsmile with a smile..." I think that should have been Dragonfly. Some very interesting developments in this chapter; nice job. :)
Yay! An update! It's been awhile, eh? :) Just a little correction; it says, "Alana turns to Dragonsmile with a smile..." I think that should have been Dragonfly. Some very interesting developments in this chapter; nice job. :)
8/20/2013 c4 PalindromePen
Wow. That was an amazing chapter. Very well done! I love the relationship between Korin and Alana so far; can't wait for more of that! :)
Wow. That was an amazing chapter. Very well done! I love the relationship between Korin and Alana so far; can't wait for more of that! :)
7/15/2013 c3 PalindromePen
Wow, that was really good! The characters are very engaging, as is the storyline. Just one little thing: with the dialogue, if you have someone saying something that doesn't end in a question mark or exclamation mark, you should end the quotation with a comma, not a period, when the following words are "he said" or "she said" or something of the like. For example, taking a sentence from this chapter:
"As you wish, your majesty." He said coldly, getting to his feet.
This should actually be,:
"As you wish, your majesty," he said coldly, getting to his feet.
Note that the word "he" was not capitalized. The next word after a quotation that ends in a comma should not be capitalized.
If you have any questions, you can PM me. My name is PalindromePen, just like it says. :)
Great job!
Wow, that was really good! The characters are very engaging, as is the storyline. Just one little thing: with the dialogue, if you have someone saying something that doesn't end in a question mark or exclamation mark, you should end the quotation with a comma, not a period, when the following words are "he said" or "she said" or something of the like. For example, taking a sentence from this chapter:
"As you wish, your majesty." He said coldly, getting to his feet.
This should actually be,:
"As you wish, your majesty," he said coldly, getting to his feet.
Note that the word "he" was not capitalized. The next word after a quotation that ends in a comma should not be capitalized.
If you have any questions, you can PM me. My name is PalindromePen, just like it says. :)
Great job!
7/15/2013 c2 
6Sarasah
Lauron is the prince in the second chapter but in the first chapter is only korin best friend and pallan is the prince. doesn't make sense
6SarasahLauron is the prince in the second chapter but in the first chapter is only korin best friend and pallan is the prince. doesn't make sense
7/15/2013 c1 Sarasah
I love your story but be careful with the age of the prince, there was a line were i tough he was seven and then he was eleven.
Besides that, a wolverine is like a bear not a wolf. You should decide; no one would confuse a bear with a wolf. You can always invite some kind of race, like a giant wolf
I love your story but be careful with the age of the prince, there was a line were i tough he was seven and then he was eleven.
Besides that, a wolverine is like a bear not a wolf. You should decide; no one would confuse a bear with a wolf. You can always invite some kind of race, like a giant wolf
7/15/2013 c1 Wendy Thompson135th
Many of the constructions and idioms are a little off:
The man opposite him chuckled, his blue eyes twinkling from the other side of the magnanimous mahogany desk his wife had bought on their wedding. -Too many pronouns; whose wife bought the desk. Also, how does a desk display 'nobility of heart'? Try 'magnificent' if you want a long word, but frankly, I don't see why 'large' isn't enough.
"You may say a lot for my daughter, sire, but you must admit that she is consistent." -The usual idiom is 'You may say a lot ABOUT my daughter...'. More elegantly, and still correct, would be: 'My daughter has many irritating habits, sire, but inconsistency is not one of them...Or whatever.
Rohon shot Henri a glare, and chose to ignore his previous statement, -What previous statement. We read only one statement from Henri. What did he say before the story began?
He wouldn't have known who it was, if not for the every-day appearances she led in his offices -If she makes frequent visits to her father and the king, this doesn't exactly say that - '...if not for the daily appearances. she made...' 'Every-day' usually means 'ordinary, not special', but, as constructed, neither really fits as a modifier for 'appearances'. 'Everyday' does not mean 'daily'.
1) "Oh I don't know," Henri grinned wolfishly, pulling yet another crop-pricing article towards himself, "your son could do with being taken down a peg or two by a girl half his size and age." & 2) "It was her." Teagan whined... . and 3) "Was not." Alana mumbled... . -all these are incorrectly punctuated. 1 is not a dialogue tag sentence and therefore the narrative bit starting with 'Henri' and ending with 'himself' should stand alone: "Oh I don't know(PERIOD)." Henri grinned wolfishly, pulling yet another crop-pricing article towards himself,(PERIOD). "(CAPITAL LETTER) Your son could do with being taken down a peg or two by a girl half his size and age." 2 & 3 ARE dialogue tag sentences(each contains a synonym for 'say'), and the punctuation which is incorrect in 1 is correct here: 2) "It was her(COMMA)," Teagan whined... . and 3) "Was not(COMMA)," Alana mumbled... .
I've hear of 'Humpty (Dumpty) and of Humphrey, but I haven't before heard of '"Humpthy'. Is it an original name?
Many of the constructions and idioms are a little off:
The man opposite him chuckled, his blue eyes twinkling from the other side of the magnanimous mahogany desk his wife had bought on their wedding. -Too many pronouns; whose wife bought the desk. Also, how does a desk display 'nobility of heart'? Try 'magnificent' if you want a long word, but frankly, I don't see why 'large' isn't enough.
"You may say a lot for my daughter, sire, but you must admit that she is consistent." -The usual idiom is 'You may say a lot ABOUT my daughter...'. More elegantly, and still correct, would be: 'My daughter has many irritating habits, sire, but inconsistency is not one of them...Or whatever.
Rohon shot Henri a glare, and chose to ignore his previous statement, -What previous statement. We read only one statement from Henri. What did he say before the story began?
He wouldn't have known who it was, if not for the every-day appearances she led in his offices -If she makes frequent visits to her father and the king, this doesn't exactly say that - '...if not for the daily appearances. she made...' 'Every-day' usually means 'ordinary, not special', but, as constructed, neither really fits as a modifier for 'appearances'. 'Everyday' does not mean 'daily'.
1) "Oh I don't know," Henri grinned wolfishly, pulling yet another crop-pricing article towards himself, "your son could do with being taken down a peg or two by a girl half his size and age." & 2) "It was her." Teagan whined... . and 3) "Was not." Alana mumbled... . -all these are incorrectly punctuated. 1 is not a dialogue tag sentence and therefore the narrative bit starting with 'Henri' and ending with 'himself' should stand alone: "Oh I don't know(PERIOD)." Henri grinned wolfishly, pulling yet another crop-pricing article towards himself,(PERIOD). "(CAPITAL LETTER) Your son could do with being taken down a peg or two by a girl half his size and age." 2 & 3 ARE dialogue tag sentences(each contains a synonym for 'say'), and the punctuation which is incorrect in 1 is correct here: 2) "It was her(COMMA)," Teagan whined... . and 3) "Was not(COMMA)," Alana mumbled... .
I've hear of 'Humpty (Dumpty) and of Humphrey, but I haven't before heard of '"Humpthy'. Is it an original name?
1/26/2013 c1 sarasah
hello! i love your story but there is a error in there. in the fist chapter the first prince is pallas in the second chapter he changed is name and is now lauren - a name that is suspiciouslly like lauron the friend of the prince in the first chapter. be careful and please continue. :D i want see the rest!kiss
hello! i love your story but there is a error in there. in the fist chapter the first prince is pallas in the second chapter he changed is name and is now lauren - a name that is suspiciouslly like lauron the friend of the prince in the first chapter. be careful and please continue. :D i want see the rest!kiss
1/25/2013 c2 PalindromePen
That's really good. :D I love it. Teagan is such an awesome character; will we be seeing more of him later?
That's really good. :D I love it. Teagan is such an awesome character; will we be seeing more of him later?