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3/13/2013 c1 12ahorizonforthenewbirds
I liked it! The title made me think of Doctor Who. :P

Constructive Criticism:
In the first line, I think it would be less awkward if you wrote "I would like to speak to my twelve year old self" over "speak to me at". The later was rather strange to read. "And I think, / even though" is better in my opinion than "And I think / that even though". "Perhaps I would not" should probably have "tell him" at the end to make it more continuous. The stanza afterwards should start with a capitalization as well, to make it differ from the previous one. I think in the line "until he turns his back to it", the 'turns' should be 'turned'.

Positive Criticism:
I love the narrator's reflections on his past self. Thinking about the past often makes me feel foolish and rather embarrassed of what I felt, but not with the shame of regret. I like the way the narrator says the young boy was ignorant of the lack of potential around him ("adored only figments", "unrealized lips", "fluid illusions"), but also felt self-conscious. The growing up bit is not very clear, but I think the narrator begins to take more risks and learns a lot about life through that. The theme is amazing and beautifully expressed. The last stanza is my favourite.

Overall: The poem is great and the only flaws I see are very minor. Good job :)
1/31/2013 c1 10Complex Variable
I prefer more strictly metrical/rhyme-schemed work—of course, that's a matter of personal preference, but one that I'm not that strict about. Anyways...

[Chihuly-glass;] - - - no idea what this is; I'm scared that it's one of those words that isn't pronounced the way that it looks. xD

Theme-wise, this is nice. Cut and dry—clear as day; I like that. Normally—from my, albeit limited—poetic experience, the looseness of form of free-verse poetry tends to be accompanied by parallel loosensses in theme/argument/moral/message. This is not the case here—you establish a clear trajectory for the speaker's "narrative", and that makes it easy to follow. Yay! :)

The opening line is a bit off-putting; I had to read it two or three times before I "got" it. "to speak to me at" is the source of the awkwardness, as I see it.

[until he turns his back to it.] - - - I feel like this should say "turned", not "turns"—the sudden change in tense is jarring.

[I know that he was a fool
for chasing the taste,] - - - I would make that one line.

[syrupy love] - - - tone-wise, "syrupy" feels really out of place, compared to the rest of the poem. I would recommend picking a different word.

I like the phrase "valley of the unrefined". It is nice; it gives me a place to put those whom I look down upon. xD

Overall, this piece feels quite prose-ish; there are poeticisms in diction and rhythm, but, otherwise, it feels much more curt than one would expect from sky-tearing flights of poetic abandon. Of course, you do it quite well. ;)

["Young boy, young man, this is what I have learned,
and see here what I have done to become me:"] - - - This, however, sounds lame. If you wanted to get your younger self to listen, is this how you would start? xD

Also, I feel like it would be better if you DID go and explain the events between the past you and the present you in that first person monologue, rather than going through the "he could not know..." etc. section. I think doing so would give a better sense of continuity and progression for the speaker—we'd see him/you evolving from past through to the present. Then, continuing with "Today I began..." would follow nicely as the last stage of that dialogue/summation.

1/24/2013 c1 7crazykumquat1123
I love this! I like the way it seems like the narrator is trying to recall his early youth, sense of low self esteem which originated back then. It is something that hits home for so many.

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