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for Guardian Devil - 9: Death

2/3/2013 c1 13M. Forthe

Just got done reading this and I thought I'd drop in and review ;D

First off, you have a really, really cool idea going on here in this story. The whole guardian devil thing, haha, pretty original. I like it! Also, the narrator's voice has a unique tone to it that I like.

One suggestion, go deeper. I mean, it's such a good idea, I think it's kind of a shame that it's just a short story right now. I think it would be cool to develop the idea more, even make it into a novel. I'd like to see more of a development between the narrator and Jrrehelo. I liked the beginning-very original. :)

There were a few small grammar issues, but for the most part they didn't detract from the reading of the story as a whole. One thing: Whomsoever and whosoever are usually written as one word, not "whom so ever", "who so ever", etc.

Anyway, great job! I liked it! :D


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