5/6/2013 c1 8Haydron
Hi, I just wanted to know this was a beautiful essay. You capture feelings very well, and it's easy to sink into the negative, but you turn it around, and make it all positive.

I would like to be you're friend :D You sound awesome.

Even though I have not experienced bullying of that kind, it's easy to relate. Up till 6th grade, I made friendships easily and never felt alone. However when we did Physical Education...I was always one of the last person chosen, but never last.

But life was sweet. I wouldn't change my childhood one bit, even though hand on heart, I wasn't the most popular. Popularity was fake :P

As I've grown older, I developed Social Anxiety Disorder and dreaded teamwork and going to parties. However I always had one good friend throughout, despite them moving on (though I probably didn't help, when I promised to call, but never did.) I think that's key. In 3rd grade, my BF used to sabotage me too, partly out of jealousy. I forgave her, pitying her rather than getting angry. She just used to be jealous I always left school first at hometime, yes, something that petty.

I admit. I'm partly to blame, why I find it hard to mantain friendships. When I was a kid, I was taught to leave my friends at the school gate, and at home, I was just an only kid. I quickly grew bored, but then I got a laptop/TV, so I started looking forward to the times I came home.

My rents didn't allow me to meet up with friends, so what little relationships I had, never developed beyond good acquaintances. It's why I started sneaking out, and started developing my social skills, because if I had stayed at home like my parents wanted too, to this day, I would have been frightened of catching a bus or ordering a meal at a Fast Food joint all by myself. Tbh. I'm still not completely there, and still feel frightened of certain situations, but I see the improvements everyday.

Throughout school, I always made a point of having ONE good friend, so school wasn't a total nightmare. However I loved books so much, I spent every available minute in the Library. I wasn't lonely. In fact, I deliberately avoided people just because I didn't want to hang out.

All I can say, is hang in there. It does better. And you will meet a few people who are worth getting to know. Ignore all those facebook updates, about your peers. What they show to the world is a "fantasy" life. They don't put up bad updates, about how lonely they feel etc etc. They only show the good stuff, because not all of their 1000 friends are friends at all.

Bless. You definitely have good writing skills, you have something going for you!