
3/17/2023 c1 knockmeoffmyfeet
Hello there! I would like to invite you to join our platform to present a good quality story to our readers! Send me a message if this offer piqued your interest
Hello there! I would like to invite you to join our platform to present a good quality story to our readers! Send me a message if this offer piqued your interest
2/19/2016 c1 kaitlynanderson
So far this story has a really nice start. The writing itself is jam packed with detail and reminded me a lot of the author Avi. The similarities may just be the fact that you write too much on one action (I don't know exactly how to describe what I mean). I am not saying this necessarily as a bad thing, I think it just stands out a lot due to your lack of dialogue. In this "review" I am not going to say what you should or should not do, that is not my place, you can write however you want to. All I am going to say is that your flow (make sure its not too choppy) needs improving. As of right now I have only read the first chapter, so don't scorch me if what I critiqued improves. By the way this is the girl from Drivers Ed with the houndstooth coat.
So far this story has a really nice start. The writing itself is jam packed with detail and reminded me a lot of the author Avi. The similarities may just be the fact that you write too much on one action (I don't know exactly how to describe what I mean). I am not saying this necessarily as a bad thing, I think it just stands out a lot due to your lack of dialogue. In this "review" I am not going to say what you should or should not do, that is not my place, you can write however you want to. All I am going to say is that your flow (make sure its not too choppy) needs improving. As of right now I have only read the first chapter, so don't scorch me if what I critiqued improves. By the way this is the girl from Drivers Ed with the houndstooth coat.
7/25/2014 c7 KVARIANT
I'm not that great a writer, so I wasn't able to find anything to critique... But I still wanted to review, saying I admire the way you write. Not only does the language suit the time period and genre of the story, but you do this thing (not sure if I can describe this right) where you give a lot of information about a scene without overloading it or vice versa. So, in an example, in the first three paragraphs, someone could have written instead "Perdid walked out and made his way towards the stables" (actually that sounds like something I would write, ha ha... ha...) but the way you write it makes it more interesting and adds more detail to (for example) character development and stuff. I'll have to try to do that in my own writing. :)
I'm not that great a writer, so I wasn't able to find anything to critique... But I still wanted to review, saying I admire the way you write. Not only does the language suit the time period and genre of the story, but you do this thing (not sure if I can describe this right) where you give a lot of information about a scene without overloading it or vice versa. So, in an example, in the first three paragraphs, someone could have written instead "Perdid walked out and made his way towards the stables" (actually that sounds like something I would write, ha ha... ha...) but the way you write it makes it more interesting and adds more detail to (for example) character development and stuff. I'll have to try to do that in my own writing. :)
7/5/2014 c1 KVARIANT
Holy crabs, my friend, you are a genius. I wish I could give you some suggestions and critique, but you are on a higher level than I. Instead, I'll tell you that your writing is awesome, and it paints a beautiful picture in my head. Everything flows smoothly and I was absorbed in reading it. :)
Holy crabs, my friend, you are a genius. I wish I could give you some suggestions and critique, but you are on a higher level than I. Instead, I'll tell you that your writing is awesome, and it paints a beautiful picture in my head. Everything flows smoothly and I was absorbed in reading it. :)
2/20/2013 c1 so silver bright
Hola! Beta reader here!
I like your detail (you've got lots!) but go through things and check that you have added as much necessary detail as possible. I found no grammar or spelling errors :) I like your style, but if you could find some way to make everything flow just a little easier. Try to avoid using "and" so much. Try "while" or "as" or several comas or... you get it.
I actually liked this :) it's very interesting. Overall, great job! You're superfactastic writer!
Peace!
Hola! Beta reader here!
I like your detail (you've got lots!) but go through things and check that you have added as much necessary detail as possible. I found no grammar or spelling errors :) I like your style, but if you could find some way to make everything flow just a little easier. Try to avoid using "and" so much. Try "while" or "as" or several comas or... you get it.
I actually liked this :) it's very interesting. Overall, great job! You're superfactastic writer!
Peace!