for Crimson Tears7/6/2013 c21 Bookworm22
Hello, my friend. Glad to have you back.
Jophrey and Porcia are quite the couple, bit we see that Jophrey doesn't really like her as much as he likes Arallis. Poor Porcia, she's getting the short end because her damn brother is hopelessly in love with his littlest sister. *sigh*
Prue has become a bitch lately and in my opinion got what was coming for her. Leofrick of Duir was that 50 yr old king, am I right? I also loved Jophrey's choice of words, spitting everything that Prue said back at her, an using it brilliantly to his advantage.
Seraphine has so far become my favorite character. She's a witch/assassin...how badass is that? That's so cool. I can that Seraphine has a little obsession over Arallis, or will in the near future. That one...she's a devil child, she is.
Last scene? Bravo. The suspense about the maid is keeping me on my toes. Keep on writing so this bookworm can keep on reading!
Bookworm22
Hello, my friend. Glad to have you back.
Jophrey and Porcia are quite the couple, bit we see that Jophrey doesn't really like her as much as he likes Arallis. Poor Porcia, she's getting the short end because her damn brother is hopelessly in love with his littlest sister. *sigh*
Prue has become a bitch lately and in my opinion got what was coming for her. Leofrick of Duir was that 50 yr old king, am I right? I also loved Jophrey's choice of words, spitting everything that Prue said back at her, an using it brilliantly to his advantage.
Seraphine has so far become my favorite character. She's a witch/assassin...how badass is that? That's so cool. I can that Seraphine has a little obsession over Arallis, or will in the near future. That one...she's a devil child, she is.
Last scene? Bravo. The suspense about the maid is keeping me on my toes. Keep on writing so this bookworm can keep on reading!
Bookworm22
7/5/2013 c21 RemnantsOfSyreal
Something tells me we're going to watch Jophrey die before the end of this story. It's just a feeling that I'm getting.
It's kind of funny, really. The madness of the old king seems to have been passed down the line to at least one of his progeny. I'll admit I don't have anything terribly constructive to say today because I was lost in the work. It's engaging, it's fun and it's colorful. Bravo, my friend. Bravo indeed.
PS - I'm really hoping you keep developing Seraphine, she is by far the most interesting character we've met yet. Arallis is coming along, and Jophrey is... well, Jophrey. I'm also curious about Lukas, does he perhaps have a touch of his father's madness as well?
The whole thing puts me in mind of late middle age/ renaissance Europe. The kings and queens of damn near every country (even including Russia, mind) were very heavily intermarried and related. Damn near all of them were at least somewhat bugfuck crazy, to boot. If you want a fun read look up Charles II of Spain on wikipedia, he's a prime example of what happens when crazy people interbreed.
Once again, bravo, fantastic chapter. :)
Something tells me we're going to watch Jophrey die before the end of this story. It's just a feeling that I'm getting.
It's kind of funny, really. The madness of the old king seems to have been passed down the line to at least one of his progeny. I'll admit I don't have anything terribly constructive to say today because I was lost in the work. It's engaging, it's fun and it's colorful. Bravo, my friend. Bravo indeed.
PS - I'm really hoping you keep developing Seraphine, she is by far the most interesting character we've met yet. Arallis is coming along, and Jophrey is... well, Jophrey. I'm also curious about Lukas, does he perhaps have a touch of his father's madness as well?
The whole thing puts me in mind of late middle age/ renaissance Europe. The kings and queens of damn near every country (even including Russia, mind) were very heavily intermarried and related. Damn near all of them were at least somewhat bugfuck crazy, to boot. If you want a fun read look up Charles II of Spain on wikipedia, he's a prime example of what happens when crazy people interbreed.
Once again, bravo, fantastic chapter. :)
7/5/2013 c21 
2StattStatt
Oh hell yes! Updates are like, THE greatest thing I could ever imagine. Geez, I'm starting to run out of gushing-material. XD
As usual, this chapter was Fantastic.
Oh my. Joph, you are an evil conniving bastard, and yet, I still can't find it in me to hate you. And you certainly know how to get around the ladies... How would it turn out if Brom and Joph met. I bet they would get along nicely (or at least before Brom got married).
I'm starting to fret what he's going to do to the maid. Also, poor Prue, she might be a bit... I don't know, but she still doesn't deserve that.
Somehow I'm getting the feeling things are not going to turn out how Ara wanted to achive with the previous king's death.
Hehehe, I'm starting to like Seraphine more and more. The girl's a witch. How bad*ass is that. Though her... glee with being a pretty capable assassin and all that is starting to creep me out a bit.
Though no complaints here.
Aaw man. I'm starting to feel so very bad for Lukas. I mean, he is just such a good guy, You can't ever deny that. But it kinda hurts when Ara is sort... Cheating (?) on him. I mean, they're pretty much, more or less engaged.
I feel bad for him, but also for Porcia. They both seem to love the one they're about to marry, but the feeling is not equally mutual.
Gotta love that drama. It's just so wonderfull.
THis chapter was also quite a bit more saucy than usual. Not that I mind. Not at all. Hehehe... CX Wouldn't mind to see more of that.
Wow, this turned out to be pretty long. XD
Keep up the AMAZING work, looking forward for MUCH, much more! (o'w'o)
2StattStattOh hell yes! Updates are like, THE greatest thing I could ever imagine. Geez, I'm starting to run out of gushing-material. XD
As usual, this chapter was Fantastic.
Oh my. Joph, you are an evil conniving bastard, and yet, I still can't find it in me to hate you. And you certainly know how to get around the ladies... How would it turn out if Brom and Joph met. I bet they would get along nicely (or at least before Brom got married).
I'm starting to fret what he's going to do to the maid. Also, poor Prue, she might be a bit... I don't know, but she still doesn't deserve that.
Somehow I'm getting the feeling things are not going to turn out how Ara wanted to achive with the previous king's death.
Hehehe, I'm starting to like Seraphine more and more. The girl's a witch. How bad*ass is that. Though her... glee with being a pretty capable assassin and all that is starting to creep me out a bit.
Though no complaints here.
Aaw man. I'm starting to feel so very bad for Lukas. I mean, he is just such a good guy, You can't ever deny that. But it kinda hurts when Ara is sort... Cheating (?) on him. I mean, they're pretty much, more or less engaged.
I feel bad for him, but also for Porcia. They both seem to love the one they're about to marry, but the feeling is not equally mutual.
Gotta love that drama. It's just so wonderfull.
THis chapter was also quite a bit more saucy than usual. Not that I mind. Not at all. Hehehe... CX Wouldn't mind to see more of that.
Wow, this turned out to be pretty long. XD
Keep up the AMAZING work, looking forward for MUCH, much more! (o'w'o)
7/5/2013 c21 Gabisamore
Thank you for the long chapter! I can't tell though, is Lukas good or bad? I don't know whether to trust him or not. Although, I dot trust Jeophrey or Prue or anyone in this story really. Someone is bound to find out though, sooner or later. What will be the consequences then...
Thank you for the long chapter! I can't tell though, is Lukas good or bad? I don't know whether to trust him or not. Although, I dot trust Jeophrey or Prue or anyone in this story really. Someone is bound to find out though, sooner or later. What will be the consequences then...
7/5/2013 c21 Guest
Yummy lol update quick quick quixk
Yummy lol update quick quick quixk
7/5/2013 c20 Guest
Ooh I lik them
Ooh I lik them
7/5/2013 c21 KateeJanee
Wow great chapter! The best yet! Update quick!
Wow great chapter! The best yet! Update quick!
6/28/2013 c20 8M.A.S. Douglas
Interesting, Tom and Alistair seemed angry, but perhaps they'll come around. The barbecue was sweet, I think that jacklyen' s emotions during the last seen where very realistic.
8M.A.S. DouglasInteresting, Tom and Alistair seemed angry, but perhaps they'll come around. The barbecue was sweet, I think that jacklyen' s emotions during the last seen where very realistic.
6/27/2013 c20 RemnantsOfSyreal
Niiiiice, Last of the Mohicans had an awesome soundtrack. 'Promenade' is my wife's favorite piece of film music, full stop.
*ahem* All right, now that's out of the way. Let's begin, shall we?
'Jackelyn (Moore) Clark' - the parenthesis with the extra name is unnecessary.
' Brom winced, hating to see Jackelyn in the arms of another man.' - it's a family member, so that reads a bit awkwardly. (unless of course the two of them had a little thing on the side at one point like some of our other characters, in which case, fair enough)
'It seemed as if a wooden dagger was piercing him through the heart in an agonizing pace. ' - the image you've got going there is nice, but the sentence could use a little reorganizing. Perhaps something like 'He felt as if a wooden dagger was piercing him through the heart at an agonizing pace'?
Curious - barbecue? I chuckled a bit at that. Not because it's wrong, but because it just seems kind of funny picturing a bunch of gothic/medieval characters sitting together at a barbecue, dad over on the side flipping burgers while mom gets hammered, you know the drill? Course, that's essentially what my wedding was, so I don't have much of a leg to stand on there :P
'Ah. So your brothers were the appetizers of combats between themselves and your possible lovers?' - appetizers? I'm a bit confused there, were you going for instigators, perhaps?
'"Good," he praised' - praised is implied by the dialogue, 'he said' reads smoother.
'Brom blurted loudly, catching her off-guard and making her tumble into his arms (well, arm)' - the bit in the parenthesis breaks up the flow of the line, either clipping that or rewording the first 'arms' to 'embrace' or the like would take care of it.
point of contention - '"M-Most m-men do not find their women attractive at this s-state in pregnancy."' - I'm assuming that is her misconception, yes? It's been my experience that most men find pregnant women (or at least their pregnant women) absolutely irresistible. If I had to guess I'd say it's a tidy little genetic form of bonding that helps keep mating pairs together and encourages the father to protect the mother and child. After all, we haven't spent millions of years evolving successfully simply out of the blue, eh? I digress.
"Into the chamber-pot with my morning retch," - okay now that was just funny. Well played.
Let's see, questions questions. Tom and Alistair? Not much of an opinion there. They seem to have a standard adversarial relationship with one another, there isn't much by way of color or shading there but it works to advance the story. Barbecue? See above. A nice little bit of character building and some screen time for our beta pair, nothing wrong there. End scene? Fairly well done, believable and smooth. No complaints there.
I'll confess, after how exciting the last chapter was (especially at the end), it was a bit of a let down moving to this one. That being said, it's only because of the format. We're getting it chapter by chapter, a piece at a time. Were I reading it in a published piece of work it would serve as a nice breather after the last few, so on the whole I think it works pretty well. After all, if everything is balls to the wall, all go no quit all the time, it's easy to lose track. So well done, and an all around well written chapter. Ciao for now amiga :)
Niiiiice, Last of the Mohicans had an awesome soundtrack. 'Promenade' is my wife's favorite piece of film music, full stop.
*ahem* All right, now that's out of the way. Let's begin, shall we?
'Jackelyn (Moore) Clark' - the parenthesis with the extra name is unnecessary.
' Brom winced, hating to see Jackelyn in the arms of another man.' - it's a family member, so that reads a bit awkwardly. (unless of course the two of them had a little thing on the side at one point like some of our other characters, in which case, fair enough)
'It seemed as if a wooden dagger was piercing him through the heart in an agonizing pace. ' - the image you've got going there is nice, but the sentence could use a little reorganizing. Perhaps something like 'He felt as if a wooden dagger was piercing him through the heart at an agonizing pace'?
Curious - barbecue? I chuckled a bit at that. Not because it's wrong, but because it just seems kind of funny picturing a bunch of gothic/medieval characters sitting together at a barbecue, dad over on the side flipping burgers while mom gets hammered, you know the drill? Course, that's essentially what my wedding was, so I don't have much of a leg to stand on there :P
'Ah. So your brothers were the appetizers of combats between themselves and your possible lovers?' - appetizers? I'm a bit confused there, were you going for instigators, perhaps?
'"Good," he praised' - praised is implied by the dialogue, 'he said' reads smoother.
'Brom blurted loudly, catching her off-guard and making her tumble into his arms (well, arm)' - the bit in the parenthesis breaks up the flow of the line, either clipping that or rewording the first 'arms' to 'embrace' or the like would take care of it.
point of contention - '"M-Most m-men do not find their women attractive at this s-state in pregnancy."' - I'm assuming that is her misconception, yes? It's been my experience that most men find pregnant women (or at least their pregnant women) absolutely irresistible. If I had to guess I'd say it's a tidy little genetic form of bonding that helps keep mating pairs together and encourages the father to protect the mother and child. After all, we haven't spent millions of years evolving successfully simply out of the blue, eh? I digress.
"Into the chamber-pot with my morning retch," - okay now that was just funny. Well played.
Let's see, questions questions. Tom and Alistair? Not much of an opinion there. They seem to have a standard adversarial relationship with one another, there isn't much by way of color or shading there but it works to advance the story. Barbecue? See above. A nice little bit of character building and some screen time for our beta pair, nothing wrong there. End scene? Fairly well done, believable and smooth. No complaints there.
I'll confess, after how exciting the last chapter was (especially at the end), it was a bit of a let down moving to this one. That being said, it's only because of the format. We're getting it chapter by chapter, a piece at a time. Were I reading it in a published piece of work it would serve as a nice breather after the last few, so on the whole I think it works pretty well. After all, if everything is balls to the wall, all go no quit all the time, it's easy to lose track. So well done, and an all around well written chapter. Ciao for now amiga :)
6/27/2013 c19 M.A.S. Douglas
It seems journey may replace Arallis with Prue...at least she's closer to him in age...the Teresians are interesting, and scary...especially daddy's little hobby. U did a good job in this chapter but I would suggest rereading it - there are a few absent words, words that need to be replaced, moved or rephrased. But it was good nonetheless.
It seems journey may replace Arallis with Prue...at least she's closer to him in age...the Teresians are interesting, and scary...especially daddy's little hobby. U did a good job in this chapter but I would suggest rereading it - there are a few absent words, words that need to be replaced, moved or rephrased. But it was good nonetheless.
6/26/2013 c20 2crimsonrose15
Hey girl! Back :)
Tom and Alistair can always be such a rowdy bunch, but cause excellent drama. It's sweet that they care but she loves Brom! Just let the gosh dang girl love him! I know I do ;)
The barbecue was a truly beautiful moment; I love it when stories or books always have that lost in the moment part. And man, can Brom get any more of a charmer. That little devil... :D
The end scene was nice as well. It was short and sweet and lovely ..
Extra: I loved how you used The kiss from The last of the Mohicans. Was my fav instrumental song when I was younger and obsessed with Native Americans. :D
Oh! And I didn't know I could give virtual hugs on reviews! *HUG* For the awesome story ;)
2crimsonrose15Hey girl! Back :)
Tom and Alistair can always be such a rowdy bunch, but cause excellent drama. It's sweet that they care but she loves Brom! Just let the gosh dang girl love him! I know I do ;)
The barbecue was a truly beautiful moment; I love it when stories or books always have that lost in the moment part. And man, can Brom get any more of a charmer. That little devil... :D
The end scene was nice as well. It was short and sweet and lovely ..
Extra: I loved how you used The kiss from The last of the Mohicans. Was my fav instrumental song when I was younger and obsessed with Native Americans. :D
Oh! And I didn't know I could give virtual hugs on reviews! *HUG* For the awesome story ;)
6/26/2013 c20 Bookworm22
Hello, my friend. Joy talking to you! Let's roll on to the questions.
Tom and Alistair...they're something alright. Like Jackelyn said, they can't go anywhere without getting into a fight. I loved the line: "So your brothers were the appetizers of combats between themselves and your possible lovers?" Gives us readers a perfect image of the situation between Jackie and her brothers.
The barbecue was cute. I liked how she was so unfamiliar to dancing and coming to parties, or barbecues. I also liked how you detailed the scene. It felt natural the way the dialogue was as well. Overall, job well done.
End scene was amazing as always. He made her feel confident in her own skin with his smooth talk. Damn, I wish I could be like that man sometimes. His way with words is like a magnet to the ladies. Bravo, Ms. Berry.
To wrap it up with my signature line: Keep on writing so this bookworm can keep on reading. Thanks!
Bookworm22
Hello, my friend. Joy talking to you! Let's roll on to the questions.
Tom and Alistair...they're something alright. Like Jackelyn said, they can't go anywhere without getting into a fight. I loved the line: "So your brothers were the appetizers of combats between themselves and your possible lovers?" Gives us readers a perfect image of the situation between Jackie and her brothers.
The barbecue was cute. I liked how she was so unfamiliar to dancing and coming to parties, or barbecues. I also liked how you detailed the scene. It felt natural the way the dialogue was as well. Overall, job well done.
End scene was amazing as always. He made her feel confident in her own skin with his smooth talk. Damn, I wish I could be like that man sometimes. His way with words is like a magnet to the ladies. Bravo, Ms. Berry.
To wrap it up with my signature line: Keep on writing so this bookworm can keep on reading. Thanks!
Bookworm22
6/26/2013 c20 Fell In Love
Keeps getting better and better!
1.) I've begun to dislike Tom a little bit because of his possessiveness. And Brom can't seem to steady his hand because he always gets into fights! But's that's a perk about Brom, and another reason why I love his character.
2.) The barbecue was awesome! I love how they danced barefoot.
3.) The end scene was precious! I loved how Brom made her feel so comfortable with her body. He tells her she's beautiful, and he REALLY means it. He makes her see it too;) Brom is so sweet. Can he break it off with Jackie so he can be with me? Haha just kidding, I would never deprive her from her soul-mate. *grumble grumble*
Loved it!
Kelly (fell in love...with your story!)
Keeps getting better and better!
1.) I've begun to dislike Tom a little bit because of his possessiveness. And Brom can't seem to steady his hand because he always gets into fights! But's that's a perk about Brom, and another reason why I love his character.
2.) The barbecue was awesome! I love how they danced barefoot.
3.) The end scene was precious! I loved how Brom made her feel so comfortable with her body. He tells her she's beautiful, and he REALLY means it. He makes her see it too;) Brom is so sweet. Can he break it off with Jackie so he can be with me? Haha just kidding, I would never deprive her from her soul-mate. *grumble grumble*
Loved it!
Kelly (fell in love...with your story!)
6/26/2013 c20 5Order and Chaos - Qui Iudicant
I really loved this chapter, the feelings, and tension between Jacky and her brothers - and, of course, the one-armed Brom was awesome as usual. Glad you brought my attention to this, or I wouldn't have looked at it anyway, cause I'd been wrapped up in another story I was writing, so I'm glad you brought this to my attention. Best of luck with the next chapter.
P.S. I can't see how you could get writers block on Jacky and Brom. ;) See ya later!
5Order and Chaos - Qui IudicantI really loved this chapter, the feelings, and tension between Jacky and her brothers - and, of course, the one-armed Brom was awesome as usual. Glad you brought my attention to this, or I wouldn't have looked at it anyway, cause I'd been wrapped up in another story I was writing, so I'm glad you brought this to my attention. Best of luck with the next chapter.
P.S. I can't see how you could get writers block on Jacky and Brom. ;) See ya later!
6/25/2013 c20 2StattStatt
Oh my God YES! I do love an update during this rainy night! My mood just went from a 5 out of 10 to about 20!
Tom and Alistar, are... F*** all retarded, if I'm allowed to be crude. Okay, maybe I'm a little harsh on them, but that is no fraking way to treat a sister, or any family member at all. If she's happy, and loves the man she's with, then let her be! All because of a freaking no-reason grudge.
Barbecue is awesome. I mean, what's not to love? (Unless ypu're vegetarian of course) And there was some very nice fluff with our two love birds, as well as a bit of insight of Jackie's life.
End scene, gotta love it. And Brom just prooved to be more awesome than he already was. Such a sweet talker as well. Poor Jackie. Uncertainty doesn't suit her.
LOve you, love your story, sending an army of hugs to your mailbox this very instant, hugging this story (somehow. I don't know how either), and more hugs to everyone!
Keep up the AMAZING work, looking forward for MUCH, much more! (o'w'o)
2StattStattOh my God YES! I do love an update during this rainy night! My mood just went from a 5 out of 10 to about 20!
Tom and Alistar, are... F*** all retarded, if I'm allowed to be crude. Okay, maybe I'm a little harsh on them, but that is no fraking way to treat a sister, or any family member at all. If she's happy, and loves the man she's with, then let her be! All because of a freaking no-reason grudge.
Barbecue is awesome. I mean, what's not to love? (Unless ypu're vegetarian of course) And there was some very nice fluff with our two love birds, as well as a bit of insight of Jackie's life.
End scene, gotta love it. And Brom just prooved to be more awesome than he already was. Such a sweet talker as well. Poor Jackie. Uncertainty doesn't suit her.
LOve you, love your story, sending an army of hugs to your mailbox this very instant, hugging this story (somehow. I don't know how either), and more hugs to everyone!
Keep up the AMAZING work, looking forward for MUCH, much more! (o'w'o)