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for Horse Feathers

6/4/2013 c1 10Tegh
This may be the hardest review I've ever done on FP. Normally I can point out a number of things, but here I’m at a loss. The chapter was very well written and edited to a point of perfection I can’t even hope to match, let alone comment on…Which leaves me with a content review, which is mostly a basis of opinion.

The chapter was rather short, which may just be for FP, but with the pacing at the beginning of the chapter I was expecting it to be much longer. I've been an avid fantasy reader all my life so I’m familiar with this type of opening, but with that said, I have to admit that I've never liked those openings much. Since this is also a continuation/linked story it makes it seem even slower. Personally I prefer the story to start off a bit further down the road with the background filling in a bit when it comes up.

All that said though, it was a great chapter. It doesn't really have the instant hook that I like, but at the same time it does everything an opening chapter should, and makes the reader want to keep going. (I want to continue on because I hardly come across writing of this level on FP, let alone a story that is also right up my alley lol.) Wish that I could have been more helpful in this review, but it’s a good thing that I’m stumped ‘ere!

5/31/2013 c10 Sir Scott
Pretty good chapter. I'm glad Philip found a cabin. I remember sucking on honeysuckle. It grows thick where I live, so I smell it all the time. The only mistake I found was: The mountain lion took *it's* time drinking, ears twitching all the while. *its*
5/31/2013 c10 Gorilla0132
i used to oove sucking honey suckle! but then i grew up and thought "what am i doing?" XD
great chapter. it wasn't eventful, but at least we got to experience phillip's intelligence as he wanders through the woods. i did like how he put his brain together and thought up different methods of doing things
5/30/2013 c2 1k+Faithless Juliet
Hello again from the Roadhouse – sorry I forgot to mention that in my first review.

I really enjoyed the morality and symbolism that you utilized in this chapter. I though the teacher’s discourses were well executed and Phillip’s arguments and rebuttals made sense in the context. I do have to wonder how these moments will affect the rest of the story though. It appeared to take up the whole chapter and I think by focusing on this so long you lose plot which would help move the story forward. Overall it was a really good chapter but because a lot of it was slow I wonder if it might be better to combine some if not all of this in with the previous chapter, since it utilized much of the same tempo. Keep up the good work.

5/30/2013 c1 Faithless Juliet
Right off the bat I loved the world building techniques that you utilized in this story. The names of the cities were really interesting – especially Paradox (makes me think there is a metaphor in there somewhere) and the unicorn mares. All really lovely images and ideas to help create this world. I was immediately drawn into it.

The whole mood of this first chapter was great. A lot of times in Medieval Fantasy there is a lot of conflict right off the bat, but I loved how this story went a different route. The moment between Phillip and his father was serene, and coming-of-age. I also enjoyed how the rest of the supporting players were equally normal, it gave the sense that these were good people, living their lives as they should, and you managed to capture those moments wonderfully.

5/24/2013 c9 Sir Scott
I am glad he found water. It would be a scary experience to be in the desert like that. Good job with this chapter.
5/17/2013 c1 4Thayet Serenity
This is a great first chapter. I'll be watching this.
5/17/2013 c8 Sir Scott
Philip's on his own now. It was a good thing he went for a walk or he would have been killed. I liked the lesson with the snake and numbers. It's too bad that he lost his teacher so soon.
5/10/2013 c7 Sir Scott
Good point about the cactus. At first a thought the cactus could have been a plant monster. It would be interesting to read how the merchants deal with a danger.
5/7/2013 c6 Sir Scott
The interaction between the boy and the merchant was entertaining to read. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of this story. Thank goodness for rainy days, it gives me a chance to catch up on my reading.
5/7/2013 c5 Sir Scott
It was good to see the bookseller again.
5/7/2013 c4 Sir Scott
Looks like he is on is way. In a book I read once Philip meant horse lover, but it probably has more than one meaning. A like the new character Northward introduced at the end of the story.
5/6/2013 c3 Sir Scott
Now, we know that they are leaving in a few days. I liked the descriptions of the animals. I hope this story goes well for you.
5/6/2013 c2 Sir Scott
I haven't caught any typos. It's an intriguing idea moralism vs. religion. I wonder how the boys religious views will be shaped. You didn't go into great detail of what the sorceress' religious views were. I don't personally believe that alcohol is a great evil in moderation. All poisons are medicines in the right dose. I think I will refer to the sorceress as no name, because saying the sorceress like that makes me think of the 80's cartoon He-Man.
5/6/2013 c1 Sir Scott
I like how you made reference to the girl with no name in this first chapter. It shows the reader that it is the same world has the last one. In really much more to say about this first chapter.
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