Just In
for Black Ribbon

7/29/2013 c1 148DianaLapin
Ah, I see a romance ahead. I haven't read any of your other work but I gather you've a healthy love for Shakespeare. I see little elements here and there, but make no mistake, I believe they are yours. The exchange between Marek and Jascha reminds me a little of the Taming of the Shrew's exchange between Baptista and Petruchio, and the talk of omens is reminiscent but not exact of the Danes in the prologue of Hamlet (Something's rotten in the State of Denmark and all of that) I like the description of the Nymphlings, though I'm a little curious about how they got there, are they native to the area? Pests? Invaders? A plague sent on the village? I have no idea, but I'd like to find out.

I'd like a little physical description of the men so I can picture them in my head but hopefully it's forthcoming.
7/28/2013 c6 12plainjane19
Wow, this story is amazing! I'm only on the 6th chapter and I'm already hooked. I love the plot and I really liked that you just jumped right into the action rather than weaving an insufferably long introduction. Anyway , at the moment I really pity Linza, I don't know why, I think I identify with her because I'm the oldest in my family but also I pity her because not only is she the black sheep in her family but also her entire village. I'm not too fond of Taja right now but I'sure she'll grow on me as i continue to read. You should see about having this story published because so far it is truly phenomenal and very unique.
7/25/2013 c12 2Soggiest.v2
Okay, the beginning confused me I must admit. It made more sense however when he woke up- it was all a dream, memories too. I assume you meant it to be confusing however.

"It was then, staring into the reddened embers that he remembered" I loved this. I could just see Wyll sitting there staring into a dying fire.

The fear he showed when he stepped into the forest was awesome. So very vivid. The villager’s words and worries were seeping into him even though he had nothing to fear.

"Wylliam had gone to sleep with the urge to go but he had been too apprehensive to wander about the village in the darkness and he saw no piss pot in the meeting hall for him to use." Okay so this is great! Even I'm apprehensive sometimes to use the toilet because I don't want to walk through the dark to the toilet. This is different, of course, and I loved it. It really shows that he too is untrusting of the village and its people.

I wonder what part the queen is going to play. I feel like she will be important, and I'm excited to know why that will be.

"He did not want to frighten her. The villagers had all been afraid of the supposed dangers lurking within these woods and he did not want Taja to associate him with those same fears." This was perfect, but when he saw her approaching the woods and looking in it, surely he should have just stopped her. It was obvious what she was going to do. I feel like she is looking for the comet and Wyll is going to have to save her.

Argh it ends on a cliffhanger and I am finished my reviews! Wyll must have to grab her and maybe that will reveal the Nymphlings to him or protect Taja. I'm not sure. Another great chapter!
7/25/2013 c11 Soggiest.v2
It's exciting that they're may be discovering a way to lift the curse or even get out of the village. Makes me wonder if Wyll is apart of another tribe, but at this time he is still very much so an enigma.

Taja and Jashca's moment together was nice, despite my dislike of him. My feelings for Jascha are a bit back and forth.

Their wonder of the comet was really nicely done. The fact that Taja and stayed up all night watching it really shows that it will be important. The adrenaline they're experiencing... the plot is picking up again! The fact that Taja is scared and Jascha shows relief when it's moving away is understandable, but it has to be good for them. They though of their dragons forms and so did I.

"She poked a thin index finger up from the blanket he had wrapped around her." I loved this, so cute!

I find it funny that they instantly thought of Wyll because of the comet, almost like they believe he put it there in the sky. I know they don't though, but that all these strange things are happening since his arrival. Wyll has absolutely no idea too the affect his presence is having on the small town.

I'm gonna hurry on to the next chapter, because I can't wait to see what this comet brings!
7/25/2013 c10 Soggiest.v2
Argh I called Marek Maverk last review. I'm awful with names, really sorry!

Your description of Callum and Audra messing about was done really well. It was just perfect, their taunts of Linza and everything. I'm slowly disliking many of the characters for being so awful to Linza. She wants to be pair-bonded with someone, and I want her to be too! She deserves happiness.

I'm kind of glad Marek left because he seemed rather cold towards his daughters, but they were both so unhappy. I could understand Taja's anger and I suppose Linza cried because despite how cruel he was, Marek was still her father.

"The people at the feast tables had noticeably bristled toward Wylliam after his ballad. For those of them who might have been leaning toward acceptance of Wylliam this morning had now shifted into dissention. The fear spreading throughout the room was palpable." Ohhh man I loved this!

"It felt as if a dozen eyes had latched onto her..." I loved this too. I can always pick out a line or word in each of your chapters that I love. It's so easy because you write so nicely.

The plot at this point in time is coming along a little bit slow. The last couple of chapters were just about people being angered and worried about Wyll's ballad, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but not much has happened. I've still been enjoying it, but I've just been waiting for something more to happen. I mean, little bits and pieces have happened- the ballad, Jascha flame breath, Marek removing himself from the house (wait, does that mean the girls will maybe have a chance to leave? I wonder...). Like I said, interesting things have been happening, but slowly.
7/25/2013 c9 Soggiest.v2
Ohhhhhhhhh fire came out of Jascha's mouthhhh. That is basically what ran through my head right there. Yes! I can't wait for them to all turn into dragons. Or get the benefits of dragons. That makes me wonder though why now that Wyll is in their village, that Jascha experienced that. Maybe it's Wyll himself, or maybe it's something on him? His necklace? I feel like that necklace is a bit suspicious.

Everyone is bothering Wyll and is so very untrusting of him. I really feel sorry for him because it seems like he is overwhelmed- for good reason! Audra is falling all over him, everyone thinks him a liar. I'm glad they want to make him leave, because it's obviously not very safe for him there. But then he won't be able to help Taja and Linza... argh, I am torn!

It's almost annoying that they're all calling his song a lie because I don't want them to call him a liar. What? I like Wyll, okay. Haha.

I have no complaints with this chapter. Your characters are smart and are bringing up all of the things I wondered. If the witch was behind more things and whatnot. Although this chapter was mostly talking between Jascha and Maverk, it was necessary and you do dialogue nicely so it was still interesting.
7/24/2013 c13 CyhAnide
Gah! I love how this chapter teases so hard with everything I've wanted so far from the story. At last, there's an explanation (mostly) for the Nymphlings, and it was super surprising how Wyll was able to see them. And don't even get me started on all that potential cuddling. I think I might have squealed a bit there. XD Taja is such a tough nut to crack, but I get her perspective on the whole thing. (I like it when characters break the rules, though, so you can imagine what I'm rooting for.)

I'm also SUPER HAPPY that Wyll gave her the pendant. I've been wondering about that for a while now, and I can't wait to see how that will play into the story. I'm predicting an awful lot of complaints from Jascha in the near future, maybe some...well...I'll just let you take the story where you want to see it go. This chapter and the previous one were especially poetic, and the descriptions made it feel so realistic. You really have a way with words. I'm sad that I'm out of chapters. TT_TT

Anyway, here are the typos I found. I hope I'm not being annoying with them - I just figure it's better to let you know than to let them sit until you find them later on...
[They clung to each other as they stepped back again, this time giving the tree line and wider birth.]
- "birth" should be "berth"
[...none of the dwellings matched the firry personality of their owners.]
- "firry" should be "fiery"
[Taja didn't answer him, but lead him deeper into the semi-darkness of the cabin...]
- "lead" should be "led"
[She racked her fingers through her hair...]
- "racked" should be "raked"
["It suites you," he finally said.]
- "suites" should be "suits"
[...she pressed, "were there anymore verses?"]
- "anymore" should be "any more"
[...and where he parents had once dreamed easily.]
- "he" should be "her"
[...she seemed utterly unfased by his unexpected presence in her home.]
- "unfased" should be "unfazed"

And that's it for now. I hope you post more soon! I really enjoy it when I get to review this story. _
7/24/2013 c12 CyhAnide
Although I've already had a little bit of Wyll's backstory, I really like the depth of this chapter. It helps to be reminded of where he came from and the details surrounding his appearance. The mirror, for example. I'd totally forgotten about that, and now I wonder what it means. The sad queen, too, intrigues me again. Goodness, poor Wyll...I wonder if that's even his real name, though? Maybe it was a name given to him? I can't wait to find out how he ended up in that graveyard, and I hope it's a story that gets told.

I also really love how Taja's experience in the last chapter is linking up with the events this one. Ah, I have to find out what happens to her! Half of me wants her to be left untouched, and the other half wants Wyll to save her from the Nymphlings. Ooh, I can't decide...

Anyway, I want to read the next one, so here are the typos I found:
[...the gold inlayed stain glass windows.]
- "inlayed" should be "inlaid"
[The men and woman and children that hovered transfixed and otherworldly all around him.]
- "woman" should be "women" I think. If it's meant to imply that there is only one woman, ignore me. XD
[Her long skirts bellowing and rippled out above her ankles.]
- "bellowing" should be "billowed" (It should match the tense of "rippled" and "bellow" means that her skirts are shouting at someone.)

So many crazy, exciting things are starting to happen! Gotta love it.
7/23/2013 c11 CyhAnide
Oooh, so much juicy new information in this chapter! I love how Taja seems to have this ability to calm Jascha down. He's still a bit silly, but I'm liking him again. That whole scene with Taja was so sweet.

It was also interesting to hear about his mother and some of the descriptions in this chapter were stunning:
"Now we're a generation of old men with dead wives in the cold earth." (That's some desolate, perfect imagery.)

I especially loved hearing about how it was when the tribes first came to the human villages. I've had suspicions this whole time, but now I'm finally getting some answers and they're just as mysterious as the initial questions! It's really creepy to imagine an entire pre-made village with clothes already laid out for the new inhabitants. That must have been incredibly disturbing to the tribes. Also, those Nymphlings...I think I'm starting to get it, I think...but now I'm even more confused as to how Wyll is the only person to ever stumble across these people. And, of course, the comet. It's such a classic harbinger in mythology, and I can't wait to see how it's used here.

Oh, and only one typo that I noticed:
[Jascha felt the sky splitting open from the firry omen.]
- "firry" should be "fiery"

Onto the next one!
7/23/2013 c10 CyhAnide
I really like how you've managed to illustrate the world that the village inhabits. It's not terribly different from what Wyll apparently knew, but it's so much lonelier. There's very much an "us versus them" feeling in that meeting hall, but it's not entirely directed at Wyll. The whole dynamic with the villagers is really interesting to watch, and it lends a lot to the atmosphere.

Also, I'm so glad that Linza has finally had a chance to voice some of her thoughts about what's happening. She seems so much like the little sister to me, yet Taja's the one who is younger. It makes me sad that people treat her like some unwanted element when she's so sweet and innocent in reality. I hope she finds someone of her own - it would just be too sad if she ended up by herself forever. TT_TT

To address the prompt at the end, I'm enjoying the slow build towards bigger things. Wyll's presence as a catalyst is more than apparent, but it's not obvious how he's going to bring those changes about. I'm also very interested in seeing what will happen between Taja and Jascha. They seem compatible on paper, but still, there's some waffling on my part over how compatible they really are. Corinne always makes me laugh, too. She's very calm and collected, and it's clear that she has lived a full, eventful life. I hope to see a little bit more from her as an advisor to the girls, especially now that Jascha is apparently running things. I can feel the plot puttering away, and it was very nice to get that little reminder of how Marek treats his daughters. (I almost forgot how much he could bug me...)

Oh, and two typos:
[Usually having to leave the feast table so earlier would have disturbed Taja.]
- "so earlier" sounds like it should be "so early"
[The ways of so many woman in one dwelling were strange to him...]
- "woman" should be plural

As always, this is excellent. I'm so happy to have a bunch of chapters to marathon! XD
7/22/2013 c9 CyhAnide
Huh...that was...very interesting. *stares*

I like that little bit at the end. It was very much a surprise, and now I'm at the end of the chapter...shoot!

Although this chapter mostly served as a continuation of the last, it's nice to see Jascha's perspective again. He's much calmer in his own head than in the eyes of his fellow protagonists, so it helps to ground him every once in awhile when he seems to be acting a little bit too dramatic. I still want to like him, and I'm hoping he'll help me out with that once he's settled down a bit.

Marek keeps surprising me, though, and I can't tell if he's just trying to get himself out of the picture for the sake of plot progression, or if there are valid reasons behind his actions. I understand that he wants to..."retire" from his role as patron, I suppose, but it all seems very sudden. It's especially startling considering Wyll's sudden appearance, not to mention all of the questions and worries that he brings along. (I doubt very much that Wyll is just going to head out on his merry way, but I could be wrong, too.) It bothers me just a little bit that Marek would suddenly leave his whole family with Jascha, without telling them.

Of course, this is all from my limited viewpoint as an outsider. I don't know the traditions or customs of these people, and that awkward musical incident really did put the villagers into the "way too logical and stuffy" category. However, Jascha's surprise at the suddenness follows my reasoning...very curious. I'm interested to see if there's anything special about this event.

I like the little window into Wyll's character in the scene with Audra. (Ugh, women like her are nothing but trouble...) It's good to know that he's not so easily duped, but I have reservations about Jascha's brother. Even though I sort of wish that his brothers served as more than a framing for Jascha's character, I also feel like they're just fine as tertiary entities, at least for now. There are four protagonists to follow around already, and that's more than enough fun. ;)

Lastly, some typos and an anachronism:
[He walked passed his daughter without an upward glance...]
- "passed" to "past"
["I do like the sound of that. Anyways I was looking for you."]
- This isn't exactly a typo, but it bears mentioning that the term "anyways" is still technically an incorrect spelling. Also, it has a very modern usage, and sort of throws the reader off with anachronism. It just doesn't jive in a story filled with people who use a much older style of speech.
[...until he knew more about the situation and could properly gage where he and the others stood.]
- "gage" to "gauge"
[Wondering farther into the cold night he turned away from the meeting hall.]
- "Wondering" be "Wandering"

And that is all for this chapter. I really love where the story is going, and I'm very interested in the route it plans to take. Until next time!
7/22/2013 c8 CyhAnide
Oh, for the love of...why? Wyll, how could you?

Okay, so this chapter did some very clever things that I really liked. It gives the reader some idea of how the village - and apparently the dragon tribes - dealt with music and the like. Although to imagine a culture without such things surprises me, it's a very interesting way to depict these people. It makes them seem so much more stuffy and serious than Corinne with her tales initially led me to believe. Also, I at last know what the outside world believes happened the dragon tribes. (Well, it's still just a tale sung by a bard, but considering the level of technology that has been presented thus far, bards and troubadours are probably the best way to learn about history in this world.) I can't say I'm terribly surprised that the viewpoints between the outside world and the tribes themselves are so divergent, but it was still nice to get some confirmation.

I'm totally on Taja's side here, though. Jascha should realize that this random normal (?) human probably just picked the closest story in his repertoire, and meant no harm by telling it. Oh, Jascha...it's becoming more and more evident how limited his viewpoint really is. I like the change, but I don't like not liking him, though not in a bad way. (I mean, I want to like him, but I'm curious to see if he's capable of overcoming this obvious weak point in his character. At the moment, he's in the "I don't really like you anymore" category.)

Anyway, here are a pair of typos, and then on to the next chapter:
[...he thought it would please a village of strange strangers who apparently could not move passed the tree line.]
- "passed" should be "past"
[Even though Taja didn't turn around to gage her father's reactions...]
- "gage" to "gauge"

7/22/2013 c7 CyhAnide
Ooh, a prompt? I'll take that.

But first, this chapter has somehow managed to outdo the previous chapter, and now ties for first with Wyll's intro. I just love the calm setting mixed in with the secretive dialogue. Also, as you might have noticed, I enjoy Wyll's character a lot. He's almost hapless, but very perceptive, which I suppose he would have to be if he's an entertainer. I can't wait to find out why he has amnesia...

Anyway, to answer your prompt about the four main characters:
Jascha is in an interesting position for me. He seemed so sweet in the first few chapters, but now that Wyll is around, his attitude and overall character are getting rougher around the edges. However, the change isn't so drastic that it's unbelievable - actually, it makes a lot of sense in context. I still sort of wish he could have had a longer run as a nice guy, but at the same time I'm enjoying the pace of the story just fine. I wouldn't change a thing, though. It's good to have a little bit of internal reader conflict to spice things up.

Taja's character development has deepened significantly, as well. I like how she starts out as someone who exudes a wild air, but now that an outside element has been added she seems so much more innocent and sheltered. As a protagonist, her perspective is nice and astute, but there are still gaps in her observations or world knowledge that make things interesting. I do wish some sort of pronunciation had been added a little bit earlier for her name, though. I've been reading it wrong for almost seven chapters! *laugh* I can't help but wonder if I've been horribly mispronouncing other characters' names now...

Linza, honestly, is the only character I wish I could see a little more of. I enjoyed her little tidbits of backstory, but at the moment she's only serving as a contrast for Taja. She's clearly far more innocent, as evidenced by her reaction to Wyll's appearance, but I'd like to see some deeper characterization for her besides that. Hopefully, I've spoken too soon, and my wishes will come true in the coming chapters...

Oh, and a couple of typos, because I'm horribly nitpicky and I know I would want people to tell me about mine:
[The mantle towered over his head a good seven feet high and the from wall to wall the chimney could have held...]
- "the" before "from wall to wall" should be removed. Leftovers from an edit, it appears. ;)
[With his freehand he absently rubbed his fingers against the opal stone...]
- "freehand" should be split into two words.
[...he took the next sentence very slow so as to gage her reaction properly.]
- "slow" should be "slowly" and "gage" should be "gauge"

LOVE this chapter. LOVE. XD
7/22/2013 c6 CyhAnide
I really love how this chapter both answers a lot of questions, but poses some interesting new ones at the same time. I find the whole situation fascinating, and it's wonderful to see Wyll's character...well, not really develop, though it does; but it's more as though you learn a little bit more about his view of this universe. It also serves to hint that the rest of this world, outside of the village, probably experiences things the same way. This chapter makes an excellent bridge between what seems almost to be the isolated fantasy world of the village, and the apparently normal world that Wyll knows. Excellent development.

On a somewhat negative note, though to be honest it's hard to really catch every little thing in your own work, there were a fair number of typos and/or odd usages of "common" idioms or phrases. I'll just list them to keep things simple:
[They were ready to grab Wylliam and trust him toward the door...}
- "trust" should be "thrust"
[Taja thought that the other girls mind had wandered...]
- "girls" should be "girl's"
[...even as Jascha and Marek lead Wylliam to the very edge of the town.]
- "lead" should be "led"
[He did not look effected like the others were.]
- This line is a little bit awkward. Perhaps something like "He was not affected as the others were" or "He did not react as the others did" would sound a little bit more natural.
[The Nymphling darted from tree truck to tree trunk..]
- "truck" should be "trunk"
[...the villagers waited with baited breath for what would happen next.]
- "baited breath" is, as far as I know, still considered an incorrect version of the phrase. The correct form is "bated breath" which stems from "abate", I believe.
[Its mouth snapped at Jascha but he was still a hairs breath out of reach.]
- "hairs breath" should be "hair's breadth" - "the width of a hair," essentially, to match the common phrase.
[They were suddenly weary that their actions may have caused more harm than good.]
- This may or may not be an error, but should "weary" (tired) be "wary" (guarded)? Just making a note of it.

The little errors aside, I found this chapter to be one of the best so far. (I still love Wyll's intro chapter, though - easily my favorite. XD ) On to the next!
7/21/2013 c8 5Whirlymerle
Ooh, okay, so I totally got the sense that Wyll is heads over heels infatuated with Taja at this point. I like that. It’s adorable.

And ooph, I’m wincing for Wyll at this point. That’s so incredibly awkward that he chose the very song that would incense the village.

I really like the little details you give to hint at the not-quite-human state of Taja and her village. Like the fact that they didn’t eat with utensils, or how Wyll thinks Taja’s eyes are like those of a hunters. They’re really interesting details and fun for me, as the reader, to pick up on.
355 « Prev Page 1 .. 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 19 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service