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for Like a song lyric

3/31/2013 c1 19Anihyr Moonstar
[I do not save up my madness / for midnight where no one can witness it first hand,] I really like this(/these) lines. The combined thought is neat, and I actually feel like it *is* something that at least some people do - store up their emotions until they can let them out in places or at times where no one will see - so it feels very...human. If that makes any sense.

[you do not walk on water] I quite like this one also - I feel like this is a statement that a fair share of people would benefit from having drilled into their heads somewhere where it would actually stick.

[boyfriends are from dawn; / girlfriends from dusk,] I'm not sure I like this, if only because the thought of paralleling male and female like that in general bugs me. I know the line itself isn't exactly gender stereotyping, but it mirrors the 'men are from Mars; women are from Venus' idea, and I feel like the sentiment that men and women are 'so different' by nature and belong in these boxes designed for us does reinforce gender stereotypes on some level. But...I don't know if that's really relevant to the poem or not.

[leave me on the side of the road / like a rap victim] I assume you mean 'rape' victim? If so, this is a powerful line (but would benefit obviously if you corrected the typo). If you DO mean 'rap' victim...well, I highly doubt you do, but if you do, I think it would make a lot more sense anyway if you changed it to rape. Because it's fairly confusing as is.

- Moonstar

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