for coffee bars and roommates4/5/2013 c1 
50GirlWithTheBrokenSmile
The description is beautifully done, and the lines:
but i know you mean in two
different beds
separated
by cheap carpet
a hallway
and two shut doors
wrap everything up perfectly:] I would have used the word "closed" instead of "shut," however, just because it flows better:)
50GirlWithTheBrokenSmileThe description is beautifully done, and the lines:
but i know you mean in two
different beds
separated
by cheap carpet
a hallway
and two shut doors
wrap everything up perfectly:] I would have used the word "closed" instead of "shut," however, just because it flows better:)
3/31/2013 c1 1mstormw
Wow, this is going straight to my favourites. I love the use of enjambment here, it works really well, without disrupting the way it reads. I also love love LOVE how you used single line breaks in 'so very close', simple things make all the difference. It's easy to believe (whether true or not) that this is actually happening, it's not overdramatic or ridgidly structured, but simply emulates the thought patterns of the narrator (whether that be you, or simply a chracter you've created). I could be completely wrong, but when I read this I see two girls? Is this just me putting my own situations into your words, or is that how you meant it? You'll probably see me pop up again soon, mainly because I'm going to see if you have any other stuff now xD
Keep writing!
Stormy x
1mstormwWow, this is going straight to my favourites. I love the use of enjambment here, it works really well, without disrupting the way it reads. I also love love LOVE how you used single line breaks in 'so very close', simple things make all the difference. It's easy to believe (whether true or not) that this is actually happening, it's not overdramatic or ridgidly structured, but simply emulates the thought patterns of the narrator (whether that be you, or simply a chracter you've created). I could be completely wrong, but when I read this I see two girls? Is this just me putting my own situations into your words, or is that how you meant it? You'll probably see me pop up again soon, mainly because I'm going to see if you have any other stuff now xD
Keep writing!
Stormy x