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2/23/2015 c1 Guest
O.O
6/8/2013 c1 172DefineBeauty
"fuck me so I'll remember that siring
pain, awkward gut retch, pre-entanglement"

I believe you mean to say "searing"?

Although it's used throughout the entire piece, I like the use of the word fuck because it gives the piece the feel of lust instead of love, which I believe is what you were going for. You can feel the overpowering emotion of lust in each line, like a desire burning within, a fix that needs to be hit.

I'm not so sure about the bloody foot and broken hip references though because I'm not sure what they mean in this piece.

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