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4/15/2013 c1 4HollyRose2043
My only suggestion would be possibly changing the flow to fit a meter or rhythm. I don't know about you, but I have a soft place in my heart for poems with creative and catchy rhythms. Yours starts out this way, but at the 4th line of the 2nd stanza, the 3rd stanza, and the 5th stanza, there is no meter at all. You may have intentionally not used meter, or maybe this was a spontaneous poem that crawled out of the depths of your soul; I don't know. There are two ways to go (in my opinion): either get rid of the rhythm, making its absence intentional (and perhaps symbolic), or give the whole poem rhythm.
This poem gets its meaning through very effectively, and the imagery here and there works well; with a little polish, this could be quite memorable.

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