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for Grayscale

4/14/2013 c1 19Alaeryel
WOW Nes-this was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes! I know you said it wasn't an absolute biography and I understand that. I also KNOW what you are going thru with the depression and the ups and downs-I have been dealing with it since I was a very young child. It hit about the time I was 5 so it has been going on for almost 47 years. Back then you didn't acknowledge it or parents refused to do anything and you learn to try to deal. I am glad to hear that you never self harmed or tried suicide-I learned the hard way that IT ISN'T THE ANSWER. I have been in therapy off and on for the past 14 years. I feel pretty much the same as your words depict-the emotion put into this was BEYOND PERFECT AND POETIC-THANK YOU FOR SHARING!
4/14/2013 c1 16Plej
Wow, all I can say is wow. I also suffer with depression and am currently on medication. I soon hope to be off of it, but I have a lot of work to do on my self.

But this story, the detail that you use from photography to make it relate your life is magical. I too hope you get to live in color again, gray scale may be pretty but it's good to experience everything.

-From Review Game
4/10/2013 c1 8Adrenalin
I liked how you tied up your piece with the alarm clock, I think it's a neat way of showing the repetition, the sense that what you describe in this piece is only one day, and yet it's every day for you (maybe not exactly every day, since you said in your additional note that it had ups and down).

I've never been confronted to depression, but I've had short periods from time to time, when I contemplate my life and I get those same feelings you describe in the paragraph at the end that starts with "I see uselessness" (mostly tied with my insomnia when I am pretty much unable to do anything because of sleep deprivation). I think the way you describe this, and overall that impression of living in a grayscale world, was particularly well done. Even without your note I wouldn't have thought you were self-pitying or anything of that sort: it's so well written it feels like poetic analysis of your depression. I really enjoyed reading it.

I liked the "uniform char" sentence, and the running metaphor about colors and definition, which made me imagine what this piece would like if it was a short movie or a series of photograph.

Overall I think it was a very educational read, because it's not often that I'm confronted with such subjects (but it might be that I'm not looking for them hard enough).

Good luck in the WCC!
4/8/2013 c1 43LuckycoolHawk9
I liked the opening of this piece because it is so ordinary that you have no clue what to expect from it, or how it will be displayed. I also liked how you long to see the world in color because it shows that you are always hoping and it gives the readers a sense of hope. It is an aweosme piece. Good Luck in WCC!
4/8/2013 c1 2Jalux
I did enjoy how the start and end tied together with the alarm clock. Gives a sense of repetition. All in all this was a hard piece to read, simply because it was such a well-written piece on depression.

You present to us how on the surface you look but how bad it is underneath which is pretty brave. What also impressed me was the torn/sad voice you created throughout the piece, it really makes this piece that much more deep/believable.

As for critiques I have nothing to offer, it's short and it's really emotive. Any changes I suggest would probably ruin it. It's perfect as it is.
4/8/2013 c1 4lookingwest
It's probably fitting that I read this piece in the morning before teaching and going to work. I liked how you wrapped things back around to the alarm clock because it makes this piece feel like it's self-contained. It reminds me a lot of flash nonfiction, which is an actual genre and something we're discussing today in my nonfiction course - so again, this just feels highly relevant to me, even in the way in which it's written. In my class we're going to be discussing definitions of creative nonfiction flash stories - and my definition was going to be about using a lens to focus in one aspect of a person's life, learning compression, and voice. I think this takes that up hand in hand and I liked that exploration, even if it was unintentional.

You were really able to zero in on one specific aspect/string of your life, and I liked how you dove deep into it. Especially the attentions to imagery and everything. I liked the metaphor of cameras and grayscale and I think, by knowing you, this provides extra insight into your life and is also highly relavent. The burning away and "uniform char" paragraph you followed up the opening with was also a favorite. I could actually hear it - which was cool, and also got such a strong visual. I also liked the comparison to the homunculus.

Having never dealt with depression, I think this piece gives a window into that world and frames it (even literally with the reoccurring alarm theme). I think my making it inward-centered and reflective, it captures something and bears it for all to see in a way that becomes understandable and new.

Above all, there's bravery in this piece - and I admire that and I like it a lot. I'm glad you wrote this and I'm glad I got the chance to read it :)

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